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My 10y.o. got a few swats on their behind last night for exactly that reason.
They had grumped a few times at their siblings. So I sent them to lie on their bed to cool off.
Half an hour later and they yelled back at mom.
So straight into their room, bend over and a couple of swats. 5 minutes to compose themselves and present them selves to mom and apologise.
They were then well behaved for the rest of the evening.
I think the main issue was tiredness. But they need to learn self control.
My 10y.o. got a few swats on their behind last night for exactly that reason.
They had grumped a few times at their siblings. So I sent them to lie on their bed to cool off.
Half an hour later and they yelled back at mom.
So straight into their room, bend over and a couple of swats. 5 minutes to compose themselves and present them selves to mom and apologise.
They were then well behaved for the rest of the evening.
I think the main issue was tiredness. But they need to learn self control.
heh, ya I hear that.
Usually the fear gets put into my kid when I tell em we're gonna go visit grampa and to talk that way to him (my dad), but before he does I want him to be looking him right in the eye and watch grampa's eyes when you talk to him like an ass and see what happens next and see the fire ignite in there and then maybe you'll see how good you got it. By the way son, just a word of advice, you may wanna start running as you say it and hope grampa's not as fast as he used to be when he came after me and your uncles.
The look my son gives me is one of uncertain fear and starts to calm down.
What has worked in the past? What works sometimes? Give us some ideas of what strategies you have had mixed results with and maybe people can come up with some variations or enhancements.
Even with typical kids, it can be a challenge to figure out what incentivizes or disincentivizes them. And then, once you think you have them figured out, they change - ugh!
Yes. I don't think my 10yr old was proud of himself this morning when he started crying (tears were flying everywhere) when we got to summer rec and he thought he missed breakfast because the serving lady had stepped away from the line for a minute to do something in the back room. He hates himself for reacting like that, is really embarrassed, and wishes he could control himself.
I had to deal with a similar incident this morning. The bus picked up my son. While I was out in the front yard, the bus came back, and the driver asked me to talk to my son. I had to go on there, find out what was going on, give him the lecture, have him pick up and put his items together and sit down. He wanted to eat on the bus and thought he couldn't (he could if he asked and he was neat). The bigger problem is that he fools around in the morning, leaving no time to eat before the bus comes. Also, he was overreacting to the max. I'm working on that with him.
While I don't have kids with the issues mentioned, I have had many throughout my years in child care and a couple of things come to mind.
I have discovered that many children that are within the spectrum of autism respond negatively to touch, so the instant you touch them you have lost control of the situation. If your child is like that, then do everything you can to keep from touching them if you want to try to help them stay in control. That includes hugging, stroking their back or cheek and anything else we as adults tend to want to do.
Also, I learned that many of these children have reactions that are not within the normal realm to allergens.
As an example, one child would curl up into a fetal position when exposed to a particular allergen. I think it was mountain cedar, but could be totally wrong, however it was something similar.
So, have you had your child thoroughly tested for allergies? Test for airborne, contact and ingested allergens and other negative reactions.
I also learned that many children who are officially diagnosed as having ADHD drink tons of milk and often times the additives in milk can have an adverse reaction in some kids. Red dyes can do the same thing in many kids.
So, thorough testing may give you some insight into things that are not currently controlled and can be by making some adjustments.
i can give you what worked for me- this is not to suggest i have the answer for all, but it is what worked.
temper tantrums are fear based- fear of a need not being met, fear of a want not being granted, fear of almost anything can cause a temper tantrum, hysterics, or other similiar type behavior. my (now 16yo dd) has aspergers. i used this strategy to calm her down and taught it to her teachers. first i had to know what her triggers were. for her she is hypersensitive to all areas of sensory. second i have to know what the situation is and assess what triggers were set off. once in this state, it is likely that at this point, regardless of what got her there, all her sensory issues are in play. first- i cant touch her, i remove her to a room with low light, no other people and no noise. if that is not possible, i remove everyone else from the room, turn lights down and everything (EVERYTHING) that makes noise. then i calmly and softly talk her down. i tell her each and every step she must take- from breathing, to where i want her to look, to where i want her to sit. when she is in a full blown tantrum she is very much like a caged animal in fear of her life, everything is so out of control for her she is in full scale fight or flight mode- and she just needs help getting through it. understanding this makes it much easier for me to not react inappropriately to her. by my ability to act calmly and rationally, which is calming and soothing to her rather than being yelled at, or just told to stop. i will talk to her about what has set her off, without trying to get her to explain anything, as most of the time she really doesnt know, but in a way that she understands that i am just trying to understand why she is upset so that i can do something about it. it usually takes about 10 minutes or so, but then she is back to herself and at that point just needs a little time to herself to wind down.
now that she is older, and we know each other better, we are much better at making sure major events dont happen very often. we can recognize her stress reactions and remove her from a situation before it becomes too much for her to handle, and although i wont say she is better at recognizing her own limits (as that is what it may seem) we have taught her to recognize things like rubbing her fingers as a sign that she needs to leave a situation.
i realize in rereading this that this is kind of vague, but if you want you can contact me directly, i dont mind talking about it. you may find some strategies helpful in designing your own plan. and i will say that depending on councilors and therapists can be a waste of time- they have generic plans and as we all know, children are unique. trust yourself and your instincts and use their help as a guide, but not the answer. good luck!
You know mommax3plus2 made me think of something too - when they do go into a fight or flight response, the body releases a bunch of stress hormones - cortisol, adrenaline,...
I know when I have a hypoglycemic episode it takes a couple of hours before I feel back to normal again even though I have resolved the blood sugar problem. I think its because of the stress hormones I release - makes me wonder if these kids who have extreme reactions like this feel physically out of sorts for a while afterwards as well.
Its just me thinking out loud - not that its going to help anyone - just something to ponder.
He is going to therapy for that. Its just gonna take awhile for him to be able to cope with his inner struggle, possibly years.
The Sp Needs Forum: The same people that talk there also talk here and that forum is famous for its slowness As long as I'm clear about his problem, there shouldn't be too much conflict in help.
I'm asking here on the internet because I'm that desperate. We're trying every resource we have and as I don't have any social network of my own, I'm asking people here in case someone has a seed of wisdom out there that I would not have otherwise ever known about. Worth a shot.
Thanks
If your child is happy in some situations, but reacts poorly at times, you need to see what are the triggering factors and limit those.
Some kids are wired differently, people aren't all supposed to be the same.
My son would act normal, happy, obsessed with mechanical things, seeing how things worked, playing happily but would act weird in crowds and around strangers. In time they mature enough to handle situations but pushing them into tantrums or making them lose control isn't going to achieve anything.
One thing is that in normal natural states, young children didn't have these artificial conditions and too much stimulation. In the old days, children didn't get pushed early into school settings or large groups.
Some people never want to be especially social. Some people prefer quiet time at home to parties and loud places. Just let him be what he is.
While I agree with people being different, just allowing him to be out of control violent and damaging property with no sense of respect for himself or anyone else isn't something I'm happily going to stand by and just let be. Some behaviors do need reigning in.
He gets mad over things that aren't that a big a deal, like saying canine instead of dog...that sorta thing. But if you don't say EXACTLY the words that he wants you to say your likely to get hit, kicked or something thrown at you and that is not acceptable.
If I just stand by, he not only becomes a delinquent, but will likely end up behind bars and who will they blame...the parents... and they'd be right in that case.
When your child starting acting differently you know that you're in for a difficult time. I habe written an article about this topic and you can view it on www.realmomtips.com
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As long as I'm clear about his problem, there shouldn't be too much conflict in help. 
