Help i can't take it anymore!! (method, punishments, milk, wakes up)

[gibbzy13]

So this is my first time posting here. I've been searching around online and came upon this site. I am having major difficulties with my one and a half year old son. He has always been a crier since he was born, pretty collicy. He has always thrown tantrums, but I could always ignore it and walk away. But something has changed, these tantrums are different now. I am talking from about a half hour after he wakes up he is crying, screaming or throwing a fit about something. Whether it be I tell him no to something, or him getting mad at a toy, but he will just scream and cry from anywhere from 1-15 minutes. I have tried ignoring him, have tried putting his attention on something else, talking in a calm voice. We just cannot make it threw a day without having several meltdowns, and I mean SEVERAL. Lately I feel like I can't even take him anywhere knowing a fit is bound to happen. We went to the park yesterday, a place where he is supposed to have fun and be happy, and somehow he found a reason to get mad, because I told him he couldn't play on the basketball court where there was a game going on, and from that point on, he was mad and crying and making a scene, so we had to leave. I understand tantrums happen but I feel like his are way too much, way too many and I am so incredibly exhausted. I just need to vent and maybe get some input from someone, anything would be appreciated right now. Thanks for listening.

[Pitt Chick]

What does your pediatrician say?

[mamom1]

Yes, I would definately talk to the doctor about it. Keep a journal of the frequency of the tantrums-why they started, how long they lasted, and what finally got him to stop. Take that journal to the doctor with you and show him/her. Often times doctors will say that it's just a phase (which it may just be) but if you feel it is more than that, don't back down.

Try giving him a notice before there is a change. If you are going to be going somewhere, set a timer for five minutes and tell him that when the timer rings it will be time to leave, or eat diner, have a bath, etc.

This could just be a phase or it could be something more. You know your child better than anyone else.

[JustJulia]

I agree. This doesn't sound like normal behavior, but a doctor is the best place to start. Your pediatrician might not be a lot of help, because this might be something for a child psychologist or behavioral specialist, so if you are not getting satisfying answers, find someone else. You might not like the answers, but you should feel like the doctor is really listening to you, is paying attention to your child's actions, and knows what he or she is talking about.

It's perfectly okay to vent. I think most of us have had those times when we are anxious and exhausted. Keep your spirits up, and try to take some time to take care of yourself too.

[wyoquilter]

I would have your child checked for allergies, especially if was very collicy when he was younger. He may have an allergy to red dye, to MSG, to milk, nuts, or wheat or something else like pet hair or perfumes. Allergies can cause a kid to be a handful. They don't always break out in hives, rashes or have itchy eyes and runny noses with allergies and not all allergies are life threatening, just cause a lot of discomfort for everyone especially the sufferer. He just may plain not be feeling well and is very cranky and touchy, like anyone would be when they don't feel all to well.

[TeresaMike]

You should definitely try to rule out possible medical reasons for the meltdowns by seeing pediatrician.

I have also found a strict behavior management approach helpful. I love Alan Kazdin's book (The Kazdin Method for Parenting the Defiant Child - http://www.amazon.com/Kazdin-Method-Parenting-Defiant-Child/dp/0547085826/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1244598894&sr=1-2). Also helpful was "How to Talk So Children Listen and Listen So Children Talk". When books weren't quite enough, we started going to a cognitive behavior therapist who specializes in a form of therapy called Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT). What I like about these approaches is that they focus on reinforcing the positive, and provide set consequences for the negative (so you are not reaching blindly into thin air for punishments - I specifically remember saying that I was going to throw away half the toys when I got home - no way was I ever going to do that - empty and ineffective threat!). What's really funny is that I keep thinking of Cesar Millan (The Dog Whisperer) - calm assertive energy! I'm thinking of reading his books too

[ajzjmsmom]

How close is he to being 2? I was watching a reality tv show tonight and their 1.5 yr was doing the same thing, the smallest things would set him off. I would definately ask the doctor but sounds like he is starting the terrible two's early, especially if you say you told him no about the basketball court and he understood you and got mad.

[33458]

Talk to your Pediatrician and consider trying time-ins. I find time-outs useless at any age but time-ins worked well for me.

[malamute]

He may have figured out he's in control and acts up as a way to manipulate you and the situations.

Often kids like to see who is going to be the boss and they can turn their parents into puppets.

Several meltdowns a day can be perfectly normal for a 2 year old. Some 2 year olds are sweet almost always, others are high strung and will be sweet one minute and anything sets them off.

It's a time that they are trying to learn some independence yet it's frustrating to do that when someone can just pick you up and carry you off so you get mad.

[malamute]

Also is he different when your husband is around? Some kids will be horrible for one parent - usually the primary caretaking parent and then add like angels when the other gets home. That's normal too.