need advice on a punishment (party, baby, pregnancy, parents)
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My 15 yo asked me last night if he could go to a party tonite. He wanted to stay until 10:00 and I said ok because it was a party. His regular cerfew is 6:00. When I asked him for the party parent's phone number so I could call and verify this with them, he said ok, then later confessed that it wasn't really a party and he just wanted to stay at the house later. So I was mad about being lied to and said he must be home at 6:00.
So today at 4:50 he calls me from the house and says the parents ordered a pizza and want him to stay for dinner. I said ok and come home after your done. Well it's now 8:30 and he just walked through the door as I'm typing this with a BS story about how the pizza didn't come until late and they just finished eating it.
So here is what I need advice on: He has had plans for the past couple of weeks to go to Six Flags with his friends on Saturday. Would it be overreacting to ground him from that? He is certainly grounded for the rest of the week anyway but it don't know if I should still let him go on sat.
Now, this is the first time he has been late coming home. If this was a pattern I would not be on here asking this, I would just cancel the Six flags.
Well see, the problem is he asked you every step of the way and you said yes. Now you're upset because it's not what you expected. He is working you and you are playing along. You never said be home by such and such a time, you just assumed he understood what you meant. He most likely absolutely understood it but since you weren't clear it's very difficult to enforce. I would sit down and have a very clear discussion with him about your expectations and next time be very literally clear. "yes you may stay for dinner but you must be home by XX" or, if you wanted him home then just say "no, I'm sorry, not this time. You need to come home now."
ETA - the punishment for lying should have happened after the "it's a party" lie...he should not have been allowed to go over there period. Once you let him go at that point you lost control of the situation. I personally would not involve the other parents. It is not their responsibility. It puts them in an awkward position after the fact.
Last edited by maciesmom; 08-11-2009 at 07:43 PM..
I'm not sure I would yank six flags... especially if he hasn't done this before.
I would sit down and talk to him and try to find out why he felt like he had to lie to you.
I would find out what the big deal was that he just had to be there so late for. Simple call to the other parent is all that takes. But unless something bad was going on, I don't think I would yank six flags.
But to me 6 is kinda early for a 15 year old, so I may be biased.
I too would call the other parents and see if the late pizza story is true. If it is, then o.k. But, if that's two lies in two days....NO way he'd be going to Six Flags....he'd be having fun doing extra chores all weekend instead.
My bet is that story is less than 100% true...if it were, he would have just called you.
BTW...I wouldn't let that first lie go unpunished either...although I probably wouldn't yank Six Flags for that one alone.
Lots of parents expect a 6 oclock home time. They like to have supper together as often this is the only time the family gets together. Plus there is all that media and marketing to the family dinner as to the reduction in crimes, drug use, teen pregnancy, as it leads to daily conversation which leads to continous open lines of communication. My sister does this and she sometimes lets her kids go out again with a later 10 pm curfew but they always must be home for dinner.
6pm curfew at 15? You really want him to be an antisocial with no friends? Forget that be at home for family dinner time crap, thats stuff for 10 year olds. You should be happy he has a family, not worried about him eating his meatloaf and vegetables. I'd say his staying out past your curfew is his way of telling you that he's not a baby anymore and setting unreasonable rules and boundries isn't going to work.
I suggest you loosen up and work with him instead of against him. Telling a kid that age to be in that early WILL push him away from you.
6pm curfew at 15? You really want him to be an antisocial with no friends? Forget that be at home for family dinner time crap, thats stuff for 10 year olds. You should be happy he has a family, not worried about him eating his meatloaf and vegetables. I'd say his staying out past your curfew is his way of telling you that he's not a baby anymore and setting unreasonable rules and boundries isn't going to work.
I suggest you loosen up and work with him instead of against him. Telling a kid that age to be in that early WILL push him away from you.
While I tend to agree that 6 seems early during the summer, we don't know the OP's situation or that of her son. She was simply asking what to do about his behavior.
6pm curfew at 15? You really want him to be an antisocial with no friends? Forget that be at home for family dinner time crap, thats stuff for 10 year olds. You should be happy he has a family, not worried about him eating his meatloaf and vegetables. I'd say his staying out past your curfew is his way of telling you that he's not a baby anymore and setting unreasonable rules and boundries isn't going to work.
I suggest you loosen up and work with him instead of against him. Telling a kid that age to be in that early WILL push him away from you.
Whether the curfew is too early is something that the OP could certainly discuss with her son....when he's old enough to be trusted without lying. I agree that 6 PM is pretty early for 15 (unless it's a school night), but if he's lying, he may not be ready for the responsibility...only the parents can know that. If "his way of telling you" his feelings is lying and staying out past curfew, he needs to learn another way to communicate that won't get him grounded.
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