Second Grade Detention (stepdad, punishment, support, parents)

[jbar]

My second grader got in a scuffle conflict on the playground today (a little rolling around over a basketball as far as I can determine - nobody's admitting they "started it" and no fists were swung). I got a call from the Principal at work, which is what I asked them to do in cases like this so I was glad they did.....(although I had hoped for a little longer than a month or so before I got a call!)

Our school has what they call "zero tolerance" for a few things and fighting is one of them...there is no warning and he knows that. My son was given a choice of one swat with the paddle (yes, they still do that with parental o.k. - some of you may recall our recent "corporal punishment consent" struggle) or an afternoon of detention or "isolation" as they call it.

I talked to my son briefly on the phone and he actually wanted to choose the swat...which surprised me big-time!...he's never had a paddling at school. Apparantly, the other boy chose the swat and he didn't want to be the only one to pick detention. Also, he told me this afternoon that "a swat's over really fast and isolation's not."...interesting take from a 7-year-old.

Anyway, maybe I should have let him stick with his decision....but, since I didn't have time to go down there and I don't want him paddled unless either his mom or I are there (and only for more serious infractions)...I made him take the detention and he is scheduled to do his 2 hours of "time" tomorrow afternoon.

I don't mean to start a discipline debate here (really), just wondering....I don't remember having detention as an option til Jr. High (7th grade). Has anyone else out there heard of this for kids this age or is this unique? As I understand it, it works like this: Each grade has its own "isolation" period after school twice a week and one of the teachers from that specific grade serves as "warden" so to speak, so there are no older kids in the room. They just make them sit there silently and write sentences and such...yuck! They can be assigned different amounts of time depending on the infraction between 30-minutes and 2-hours.

We've been doing SO good for the past month or so since school started (at school and home)! Really, it's been great lately. I know "boys will be boys" and nobody was hurt or anything...I just hope this isn't the beginning of a bad phase.

Also....Since he is getting punished at school, we're letting that be it...no further punishment at home aside from mild fussing. That's how my folks did it...only got in trouble at home if it was a note from the teacher for them to "handle it". My wife on the other hand, got in trouble at home even if there was a punishment at school, so she is a little reluctant to let it go without additional chores and such. What's the consensus out there on that little difference in opinion?

Thanks for reading my long diary entry....as always

JBAR

[mainelander]

Originally Posted by jbar

My second grader got in a scuffle conflict on the playground today (a little rolling around over a basketball as far as I can determine - nobody's admitting they "started it" and no fists were swung). I got a call from the Principal at work, which is what I asked them to do in cases like this so I was glad they did.....(although I had hoped for a little longer than a month or so before I got a call!)

he sounds like a little thug, don't ever show approval for it

[wilsonmom3]

Originally Posted by mainelander

he sounds like a little thug, don't ever show approval for it

that is quite a leap to make.

[jbar]

Originally Posted by mainelander

he sounds like a little thug, don't ever show approval for it

We certainly won't show approval....but, we aren't ready to send him away to Military School just yet either

[hlsess]

I have never heard of detention in elementary school- i think we get a few warnings then the parents are called- does your son have problems often? sounds likr it since you said he he been so good for a whole month. Good luck-

[Pitt Chick]

Elementary school detention is standard in my area... but it is just an hour.

[jbar]

Originally Posted by hlsess

I have never heard of detention in elementary school- i think we get a few warnings then the parents are called- does your son have problems often? sounds likr it since you said he he been so good for a whole month. Good luck-

No, he has actually never gotten in trouble at school beyond a note for talking, etc....we just had some relatively minor issues at home this past summer with attitude. I'm a fairly new stepdad, and this one led the charge to test me That's what I was eluding to.

[1984vt]

If I got into trouble at school, it would be ten times over at home. It showed me that my parents supported the teachers and their authority and so should I. Most of my brothers and sisters never got into trouble at school (other than smoking) because we saw our older brothers (twins) get their "at home" punishment and didn't want any of that!

The school my children attend suggests that if they say they have handled it, do not add additional punishment. However, they will tell you if they think further punishment is necessary. This works out well for children and seems to be the best of both worlds.

[steelstress]

I'm with your wife. Once the kids know that there will be consequences not only at school, but at home, they'll most likely think a little bit harder and a little bit longer before breaking a rule.

By the way, this no tolerance for fighting is crap, if you're the one defending yourself. Which makes me re-think this... if your son was on the defense, don't punish him at home. Just tell him to never start it a fight, but to take down any kid that starts one with him.

[FarNorthDallas]

I would have picked the detention over the swat, too. You don't want him to "get over" so quick, so he forgets what the rule is. I would not have added anything at home either.

The zero tolerance policy is horrible and you have to get it in his brain that he can get in trouble for doing the wrong thing and the right thing. I had to tell my son facts don't matter, excuses don't matter, sequence of events doesn't matter, who started it doesn't matter, self defense doesn't matter, misunderstandings don't matter, rational thought doesn't matter - if there are two kids fighting with each other, either physically or with words, the school says you will be punished. You can't deal with "zero policy" in any rational thoughtful reasoned way.