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What should my sister do about her son who has never had any friends or does not make any effort?
He is a genius with books, taking IQ tests and getting straight A's in school. Everything academic comes super easy to him. He likes to talk to intellectual type adults about all kinds of complex topics, especially computers and other high tech subjects. But the topics of conversation his 8th grade peers talk about have no interest to him. His classmates think he is a big nerd and will not have anything to do with him. His parents force him to get involved in sports and clubs but he goes but does not say a word to anyone and the other kids do not say a word to him.
I think is is aspergers but my sister disagrees and says he will grow out of it. I say that he will be scared for life growing up without any social contact with kids his age. You say?
I think he needs to be in an environment with kids like him. TJ high school is filled with kids like that and they thrive, academically and socially.
Another thing to consider, schizoid personality disorder. It's not a bad as it sounds. They are people on the far end of introverted and don't like being around other people. They are loners. Schizoid personality disorder - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
I have to wonder why your sister let her son get to this age without any friends. This should have been dealt with years ago. One thing is true, he will not outgrow it without help. A teenager without friends has a problem. I would highly recommend that your sister take him for an evaluation with a good child psychologist or child psychiatrist.
What should my sister do about her son who has never had any friends or does not make any effort?
He is a genius with books, taking IQ tests and getting straight A's in school. Everything academic comes super easy to him. He likes to talk to intellectual type adults about all kinds of complex topics, especially computers and other high tech subjects. But the topics of conversation his 8th grade peers talk about have no interest to him. His classmates think he is a big nerd and will not have anything to do with him. His parents force him to get involved in sports and clubs but he goes but does not say a word to anyone and the other kids do not say a word to him.
I think is is aspergers but my sister disagrees and says he will grow out of it. I say that he will be scared for life growing up without any social contact with kids his age. You say?
She shouldn't worry about him. He'll grow out of it but will probably always be somewhat a loner. Actually she should count her blessings.
Kids like this aren't having problems, they aren't sad, they don't want friends "bothering" them, they are happy in their own world, with their own interests. They aren't subject to peer pressure, they are asocial enough that if someone tells them to try drugs, they won't because they don't live to impress anyone.
You should leave kids like this be, don't force them into social activities, let them do their own thing and later they will find friends on their own, in their own time but they will be people with similar interests.
A teenager without friends has a problem. I would highly recommend that your sister take him for an evaluation with a good child psychologist or child psychiatrist.
I completely disagree. If they are unhappy, they have a problem. If a child has no friends, is happy in his own skin, is staying busy with things he likes, then he does not have a problem.
It's kids with severe social needs that cannot fill them that have problems. There are those people who are "asocial", not anti-social or social, they are happy in themselves, they occupy their time doing their own little projects, reading what they like to read.
Their day isn't made because the phone rang for them, and it's not unmade because it didn't ring for them. They have no friends and they truly do not mind a bit. These people can be perfectly friendly, they can be polite and pleasant to be around, they can be very likeable.
You know - I'm so sick of the need to label and stigmitize a child that is beyond highly intelligent and by all accounts is to the point of genius. I can tell you the reason he does not socialize with kids his age; he has nothing in common with them! He may be physically 14 but intellectually and mentally he will have more in common and be more comfortable with people that are 10 years or so older. There is nothing wrong with that! Pushing him to be something he is not and then labeling him as having a disorder or syndrome will do nothing but harm this young man. Your sister is correct that she should encourage but not force him. Let him join intellectual clubs that are at his advanced level, no matter what the age of the participants. He is not like 99% of his age group so why try to dumb him down to their level?
Wow, DoubleT - thanks for the link. I think it's such an incredible coincidence that two people on this forum each have a sister with a 14 yr old genius son with the same problems! Whoda thunk?
Perhaps they should get together with each other and share nephew stories!
It likely isn't aspergers. Typically these kids TRY hard to have friends, they WANT desperately to have friends they just find it difficult to interact and form lasting bonds. Quite the opposite actually from what you describe. Sounds like he's just not interested in the same things his peers are.
I think the child will be just fine. No need to dig to find some label for not being interested in having friends right now. He's in 8th grade? Sounds like he's just more mature for his age. His peers will follow suit eventually. Definitely not "scared for life" as you say.
What I'd think would be best is for his family (including you) to be very supportive of him, supportive and encouraging of his great talents especially. I can think it would be tempting to require him be involved in sports but perhaps laying off a little might help. Maybe encouraging him to join some sort of after school group focused more on something he really is passionate about would help him find friends and others who think more like him. Just a thought.
Do not force sports on him at all, big mistake. Some people just hate sports, I am one of them. Academics is much more important and will benefit him much more in life, then sports.....Let him talk to who he wants, you do not want a resentful child. Good he is smart, that will benefit much more in life.
I say leave the kid alone, he doesnt' need to have a ka-zillion friends, if he seems happy, nothing to worry about.
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