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diversity is just fine until it disrupts the school day and stunts the growth of the children. You can send in whatever kind of lunch you want for your kids. That's diversity. going to school to make sure they put the fork in the correct hand is not diversity, it is hovering.
No. You go to school to make sure they eat the right kind of food.
And the right kind of food is almost always harder to eat on their own by pre-schoolers. Besides, some people (usually from the aforementioned cultures) have the more elaborate meal of the day at lunch, not in the evening. I am sorry that my idea of adapting to American culture does not include encouraging sandwiches and other easy-to-eat, finger foods at lunch.
Sandwiches (be they topped with a leaf of lettuce and a slice of tomato) are some of the most unhealthy foods out there - due to the processed and smoked meats, all carcinogenic to the bone.
So if I don't believe in finger foods at lunch, whose growth do I "stunt" if I go in to feed my child the kind of meal I think is right for him - at least while I still can?
but I do think that I would personally feel like punching someone in the face if they tried to physically put food in my body.
Because you are an adult. Young children are used to being fed. My 2 yo sometimes sees me eating something that he is interested in and his first thought is to open his mouth to be fed, not to take my fork to it himself.
The continental style of eating, in which the fork is held in the left hand with the tines pointed down and food is pushed onto the back of the utensil, was developed by the British toward the end of the nineteenth century. While a more efficient form of eating, it is no more proper than American-style, in which the fork is switched to the right hand, and the left hand is kept in the lap.
On a side note - of course you can switch the fork in the right hand once you're done with the cutting. In fact, everybody I have seen using a fork and a knife, does that.
Trouble is most people I see around don't use a knife at all.
How about not struggling to cut that piece of meat or vegetable with the fork in the right hand, risking projecting that piece of meat 1 mile away? I have also seen this happening quite a few times. Forks are not for cutting up the food in your plate.
It seems to me that when you eat lots of finger foods from day 1 (indirect link to main topic), when you ARE faced with a cooked, warm meal, you just don't have the skills to eat it with grace. That's something acquired by eating MAINLY home-cooked foods instead of snack-like food.
So maybe it is worth going to the school while I still can to spoon-feed, fork-feed, knife-feed (what have you) the little one.
If I go during lunch, who do I "disrupt"? And who's to say that your definition of "hovering" is not my definition of "caring"?
I resent the implication that ALL people in the US should depart from "mainstream American" premises about what most important values in life are (usually independence, self-sufficiency, individualism - forced even upon very small children). All of this on a backdrop of paying nauseating lip service to "diversity".
syracusa - you know the op is talking about grade school? And the kids aren't struggling with gormet homecooked food, but lunchables? And this seems to be about getting reluctant, picky eaters to eat, which IMO can turn into a power struggle in the home. This is not (only) about a culture clash, the way the OP has described it. Nor is it about a 2-3 year old.
And your premise seems to be that because Americans have eaten cheerios and other finger foods as toddlers we are incapable of eating properly as adults with a knife and fork? Really?
So maybe it is worth going to the school while I still can to spoon-feed, fork-feed, knife-feed (what have you) the little one.
If I go during lunch, who do I "disrupt"? And who's to say that your definition of "hovering" is not my definition of "caring"?
I resent the implication that ALL people in the US should depart from "mainstream American" premises about what most important values in life are (usually independence, self-sufficiency, individualism - forced even upon very small children). All of this on a backdrop of paying nauseating lip service to "diversity".
Wow. Have you really stepped back a re read your own posting?
Your "nauseating lip service" to "caring" and "independence, self-sufficiency, individualism" is, well, you said it, nauseating.
Your kids must be very young, if that is in fact the case, then your position explains a lot.
However, children need to learn to do things for themselves. Period. If they don't learn to do it for themselves, guess what? They DON'T learn it.
You will not be able to do so everything for them forever, you are setting yourself up for all sorts of problems in the future.
Just to see the sense of achievement on their faces when they accomplish something on their own is amazing. It makes this whole parenting thing really worthwhile. I hope you and your children will enjoy those moments sooner rather than later.
Last edited by bellalunatic; 02-11-2010 at 11:40 AM..
However, children need to learn to do things for themselves. Period. If they don't learn to do it for themselves, guess what? They DON'T learn it.
Bellalunatic,
Yeah, they do. They might do it later, but they do.
I have asked this question before: have you ever seen ANYONE (regardless of culture) who does not EVENTUALLY learn to accomplish all basic things on their own, such as eating, dressing, etc?. Have you ever seen anyone from latin or eastern european cultures (well known for "babying" their children longer than anglo-saxon cultures do) who have NOT learned to do those things on their own and are fed-spoon by mothers as adults?
Of course they all learn to "accomplish" such things on their own. And many others. Except that some of us prefer that our kids get "airborne" a bit further down on the runway instead of as soon as the engine starts. It is safer, it is wiser, and makes for stronger family ties in the long run.
By the time they actually start flying, you will have instilled the right tastes, values, norms in your child. You get to reinforce the bond between child and family.
The child will NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) make choices "of their own", in the pure sense of the word. They will choose between available choices pre-packaged by others: either by his/her own family or the outside world.
Do you really think that the economic interests of this insane techno-commercial society we live in have NOTHING to do with parents being subtley pushed to allow kids "their own" choices earlier and earlier in life?
The OP came with a chip on her shoulder. ("Please enlighten me to the positives of doing this!").
It was clear that the behavior of those mothers (clearly deviating from mainstream American parenting) irked her. She never did look for "enlightenment" because real enlightenment in this case would force her to challange and reevaluate fundamental values that most people in this society hold onto for dear life, take for granted and NEVER question
(save a few "fringe" groups who, understandably, are desperate enough to commit to homeschooling for 18 years in a row).
As for seeing my kids "accomplishing things on their own", I am already experiencing a lot of this, in accordance to what I deem to be appropriate accomplishments for their age.
They feed themselves where appropriate, not always - but they DO eat very healthy foods most of the times.
They dress themselves with a few clothing items, where they can - but no, you will never see them going out on a cold winter day in a too-too skirt, snow boots and tiara, simply because this is how THEY CHOSE to dress themselves that day. I dictate "the choice" for now until one day when they internalize that you just don't go out on a winter day with too-too skirt, snow boots and tiara.
...you will never see them going out on a cold winter day in a too-too skirt, snow boots and tiara, simply because this is how THEY CHOSE to dress themselves that day.
Thank God for parents who allow their children to dress themselves. One of the highlights of my day is seeing the crazy outfits one of my neighbor's kids puts together. I definitely see her as a future fashion designer. She's a hoot!
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