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Old 04-15-2010, 09:40 PM
 
Location: Unfortunately, in the south US
169 posts, read 560,114 times
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This seems like a small concern, I guess, but my daughter is 6 and I am just wondering at what age do most people leave their children alone at a birthday party or play date. I am pretty protective over her, especially since she is my only child, and at this point can't imagine leaving her with another parent in charge unless I am very comfortable with them. Does anyone have any insight on this. So far I haven't felt too overprotective, but I am wondering how long I can get away with being her shadow.
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:18 PM
 
Location: A Yankee in northeast TN
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Is she in school? If she handles separating from you for school, I would think this would be as good a time as any to start the long slow process of letting go in other areas too.
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:26 PM
 
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By first grade, I definitely allowed my children to attend social events without me. I trusted other parents to take care of my children---as I expected them to trust me. When I didn't know someone, I would have the child over to my house first. Sometimes I would invite the mother and child to join us for an outing to the zoo or the children's museum. That way I could see her in action before allowing a play date at her house.

Being glued into a network of mothers helped me hear everything I needed to hear. But for the most part, I had absolutely no problem leaving my children with a parent after I had an opportunity to meet them. It didn't take much for me to become comfortable. Only very rarely did I consider someone a super red flag. The norm is that most people are good people and parents.

I think birthday parties are less of a risk----more children and adults present. It's the play dates at private residences you should be more concerned about. That's when children have very private time with another adult. That's where you should be making sure you are comfortable with an adult. But birthday parties are filled with other children and lots of other adults---related or simply parents stopping buy to drop off pick up. I do think it's over protective to not allow a 6 year old to attend a birthday party.
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Old 04-15-2010, 10:32 PM
 
Location: here
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first kid about 5 years old. Second kid 4 years old. When you take her to a birthday party, what do the other parents do? Are you the only one who stays?
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Old 04-15-2010, 11:04 PM
 
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I agree with the above sentiment, by this age she should be able to handle herself for a few hours on her own. If you feel nervous, stick around for a half hour and talk to the parent hosting the event or arrange to meet them beforehand.

Just as employees act a bit different when the boss is around, kids will act different when their parents are around--even if the parent doesn't intervene or make their presence known. It is affecting your daughter's social interaction and development, even if you don't mean it to.
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Old 04-16-2010, 05:42 AM
 
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I started leaving my kids at birthday parties when they were in K. If I didn't know the other mother sometimes I would stay for a few minutes before I left. I think it's important to let my kids strike out on their own and develop their own sense of self. I agree with the person who said that they worry more about playdates in private residences than birthday parties. I always would set up a first play date with the other parent present before I let my child stay alone with them.
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Old 04-16-2010, 07:29 AM
 
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If you know the other parents and are comfortable with them I'd say your dd is old enough to attend a party alone.

Most of my dd's friends started attending her birthday parties without their parents at around age 4 or 5. Of course, some parents like to stay and socialize which is always O.K. with me.
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Old 04-16-2010, 07:59 AM
 
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It depends on the child.
Don't compare your 5 year old to Mrs. So and So's 5 year old or your niece at five and so on.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:17 AM
 
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The more anxious you are, the more she will be. If she thinks there is something to fear about being left to play, then she will hold on for a very long time.
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Old 04-16-2010, 10:32 AM
 
Location: Kansas
3,855 posts, read 13,225,270 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by southern no more View Post
This seems like a small concern, I guess, but my daughter is 6 and I am just wondering at what age do most people leave their children alone at a birthday party or play date. I am pretty protective over her, especially since she is my only child, and at this point can't imagine leaving her with another parent in charge unless I am very comfortable with them. Does anyone have any insight on this. So far I haven't felt too overprotective, but I am wondering how long I can get away with being her shadow.
It's up to you but at 5 they should be safe to drop off at a party with sufficient adult supervision.

Here there is a popular gymnastics place where kids have birthdays but the owners are notorious for not supervising the activities well enough. I don't just drop off our kids and leave. I stay to make sure ours behave themselves and don't do anything that they could get hurt on.

However if it was a small b-day party at someone's home we would drop them off if they were kindergarten age and above.
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