Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We're thinking of relocating from New England to North Carolina. My kids are 16, 12 and 7.
Any feedback on how this might affect the oldest? He's going into 11th grade. We live in a small town about 1/2 hour outside Boston. There are about 800 kids in the high school. One elementary which feeds into one middle which feeds into one high school. We've been here since he was 6. Obviously, he knows everyone.
For the most part, the chicks in this part of the country are worlds hotter than anything you'd find in Boston. I'm not trying to come across as a horn-dog with a one-track mind, but this could be a real selling point for your kid if he resists the move.
It's funny what Pimpy says because that was the selling point for my son. Not that he would ever admit it... but when we were looking at houses, our agent made a point to drive us by his future high school when school was letting out. We did spot some cute girls and my son just got quiet. Wouldn't you know, he has not complained one bit about moving. Though we didn't move too far in terms of mileage from NY to NJ (about 60 miles), my 15 y.o. son also has to leave the schooling system he's been in since age 4. I've told him that in the day and age of internet, he can always keep in touch with anyone he wants and that the friends who stick by him are the true friends he will always keep anyway.
Also, I don't know if this would work for you, but I've also told my son we can visit NY once in a while. My parents are still there and he is quite attached to them. This also provides him opportunities to meet up with old friends, even if it's a few times a year.
Good luck to you, I know how hard it is to consider everyone's feelings. I do see your point of worrying about your teenager though, because every decision is crucial.
I think moving a teenager of that age can have two possible outcomes- it will either be "perfect" to him or it will be a disaster. Nothing is ever just "ok" in the eyes of a teen.
Expect some culture shock- if he has been in school with the same kids since kindergarten it might be really difficult for him.
Is there any reason you can't wait for this move until after he graduates? I live in Florida and I've watched many good kids derail after a move like this- and I also heard the regrets of many parents who realized that their desire to move could have been postponed until their child was out of school.
You only get one chance to be a kid- and go to high school. It sure is a shame to ruin those years- and quite possibly your son's future if he doesn't take well to the move.
You only get one chance to be a kid- and go to high school. It sure is a shame to ruin those years- and quite possibly your son's future if he doesn't take well to the move.
I don't think such a move has to destroy one's life. Becoming deathly, seriously ill can ruin your life. Losing a loved one, a limb or the ability to walk or see can be a major setback.
Moving to another state as a teenager is a big deal, but life does go on.
I (and younger brothers) moved to Colorado from New York at 14 and survived.
The husband and I moved to northern Florida when my younger son, who had born and raised in Denver, was 16.
I've written about it before in another forum.
It wasn't the greatest thing that could have happened to him, but it certainly wasn't the worst.
My husband and I only have one chance to be in our 50's, take new jobs, and shift gears.
We took that chance. Of course there was culture shock--for all of us.
And then the husband got laid off.
But things worked out. New jobs were found. We have no regrets.
In our new town, our son was on the honor roll, played soccer, and made really good friends. He kept in touch with his old friends, as well. He learned how beautiful and fun the beach can be. Yes, he did find a girlfriend, too.
Now he is going to go to Florida State University. He'll get to visit his brother in France over winter break.
His future is not ruined. It's so bright he's gotta wear shades.
It's good to speak frankly about such moves rather than make them seem like nothing will ever be difficult or different. Maybe the middle child might have an especially hard time. Middle school is never easy no matter what.
But the move can indeed be a positive one.
edited to add:
Good luck with whatever decision you make. If you decide *not* to move, that's okay too!
Last edited by BlueWillowPlate; 06-10-2007 at 09:46 AM..
I do believe a life can be ruined. At 17 my family moved me from where I grew up to another state 1000 miles away.
I was devastated to leave my friends- and had a very hard time fitting in. I was college bound- had very high SAT scores and had been an honor student. I was so emotionally distraught that my straight A's turned into Cs & Ds. I lost the full scholarship offer that I had to a great college. I had a very hard time fitting in with kids who had an established group of friends already. The only group that seemed to welcome me was the "bad" kids. After a couple months of feeling lonely, I was tired of having no friends and started hanging around with those kids. NOT good.
By Christmas my parents realized that I was struggling and that my future was at stake. They allowed me to complete high school in an adult program and test out- and I started college a semester early. But rather than the great school I was supposed to go to (Emory) I ended up at community college.
I lost out on my senior prom, senior trip, an actual high school graduation. I lost out on special times with my friends that I had known since I was a small child. I lost out on a free and excellent college education.
So yes, such a move can derail and adversely affect a child's future.
I'm not bitter- and I ended up with a graduate degree. I have a great career and job. But I would never, ever consider doing such a thing to my children unless it were a matter of move or starve.
Just my .02.
Last edited by pirate girl; 06-10-2007 at 10:36 AM..
Reason: added
Whoever red-dotted my original reply on account of it being "sexist" and "offensive" needs to develop a personality as well as a dose of realism.
The original poster asked how a move might affect her 16-year old son. You must not know any 16-year-old boys, or have a very vivid memory of when you were 16; otherwise you would recognize that one issue and one issue alone is paramount to that demographic: girls.
I'm sorry if my post came off as chauvenistic, but the bottom line is that the ability to meet attractive girls will weigh very heavily in whether or not this kid takes well to being uprooted from the place he grew up. Politically correct or not, that is the stone cold truth.
Keep 'em coming. I really appreciate everyone's thoughts.
My son is outgoing and social and actually pretty easygoing for a teenager. We live in a small town--high school population about 800 kids and he knows them all and they all know him.
We're sort of in the same boat as a poster upthread. Long term unemployment (my husband's) a failing business (my husband's) underemployment (me, trying to bring in as much money as possible and still be around for the kids), etc., have decimated our financial reserves. We have gone through our savings and retirement fund and have been forced to sell our house after having to take out second/third mortgages on it to survive. We're moving into a rental house here in town and if we don't leave the area, will regroup in a year or so (we're both working now, thank goodness, though my job is still not the greatest paying job, together we make more than he made before he lost his job in 2002). At that point, we'll probably buy a smaller house. But things are ridiculously expensive in New England and there is an employment opportunity for me in Raleigh, back in my field, more than double what I make now (and the longer hours to go with it). But we need for both of us to be working and banking one salary in order for this plan to work. Last thing I want to do is wind up NOT being able to save a grundle of money AND messing up my kid's life!
Well you see, you have a very good reason to move. You're trying to better your life for you and your family.
This summer I am moving with 4 kids one of which is 17 and we are returning to KY where he was for 9th grade, at first he didn't even want to talk about moving again but once he started to reconnect with old friends he started to warm up plus I had to explain to him how financillay we had no choice because we could not afford paying a mortgage and rent for his dad to stay in KY by himself for a year.
In the end it all works out, in 2 years he'll move on to college and have a whole different core of friends. Just keep positive and remember that your family and staying all together is what is most important.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
