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Why is it that the more kids tell their parents about stuff they don't agree with, the more they hold it against them?
In the past, I'm written about telling my parents that I was going to make a To Do list ,and asked them for help. But then I found mom checking in every so often and it annoyed me when she asked about stuff that was important to her, but stuff I didn't take care of yet , or not totally completed.
For example:
-looking for a second/another job,
-looking for a new apartment,
-doing regular exercise, improving health in general,
-expanding social network
-clothes shopping: some more business clothing to make over my look
-get a hair cut, etc.
After the last family get together, for 2.5 weeks we had no contact until I broke the ice today, called and visited. The visit was Ok, except when it got to the topic of work and I told my Dad about my new schedule, back to weekend duty (which they hate), and the fact they're always changing my schedule (my parents think they're taking advantage of me)...etc.
I also told them how I had asked my supervisor for a fixed summer schedule, and how she had promised to get back to me but didn't and the uncertainty/ hassle that ensued.
His response: them them work for you - in other words, stop asking your supervisor for a fixed schedule when you know they often change it - instead talk to the manager in Division B (the one I expect to work for during a summer temp gig), and ask him to follow up with my current bosses for the schedule. Basically say I'm available for such and such a time range, but please figure out the days with my bosses - thanks.
Then at the end of the visit when I was leaving, I was saying how nowadays my 2 top priorities are making more money and finding a new apt. And Mom rudely counters, I thought your health was your #1 priority?
WTF! Get off my case already - why can't I change my mind or figure out my own priorities? Needless to say the visit didn't end on such a good note. Maybe I shouldn't tell them anything about my life and let them ask me, then filter out stuff I know they won't approve of. Note that I'm an adult now, so not a little kid anymore that needs a lot of guidance from their mom and dad.
Thoughts?
I agree with the comments so far. If you share something with your parents it's open season for comments on that subject. If you don't want to hear their opinion then don't volunteer information.
Why is it that the more kids tell their parents about stuff they don't agree with, the more they hold it against them?
In the past, I'm written about telling my parents that I was going to make a To Do list ,and asked them for help. But then I found mom checking in every so often and it annoyed me when she asked about stuff that was important to her, but stuff I didn't take care of yet , or not totally completed.
For example:
-looking for a second/another job,
-looking for a new apartment,
-doing regular exercise, improving health in general,
-expanding social network
-clothes shopping: some more business clothing to make over my look
-get a hair cut, etc.
After the last family get together, for 2.5 weeks we had no contact until I broke the ice today, called and visited. The visit was Ok, except when it got to the topic of work and I told my Dad about my new schedule, back to weekend duty (which they hate), and the fact they're always changing my schedule (my parents think they're taking advantage of me)...etc. I also told them how I had asked my supervisor for a fixed summer schedule, and how she had promised to get back to me but didn't and the uncertainty/ hassle that ensued.
His response: them them work for you - in other words, stop asking your supervisor for a fixed schedule when you know they often change it - instead talk to the manager in Division B (the one I expect to work for during a summer temp gig), and ask him to follow up with my current bosses for the schedule. Basically say I'm available for such and such a time range, but please figure out the days with my bosses - thanks.
Then at the end of the visit when I was leaving, I was saying how nowadays my 2 top priorities are making more money and finding a new apt. And Mom rudely counters, I thought your health was your #1 priority?
WTF! Get off my case already - why can't I change my mind or figure out my own priorities? Needless to say the visit didn't end on such a good note. Maybe I shouldn't tell them anything about my life and let them ask me, then filter out stuff I know they won't approve of. Note that I'm an adult now, so not a little kid anymore that needs a lot of guidance from their mom and dad.
Thoughts?
Are you 12 years old or what?
You ask your parents for help making a to do list and then they DARE to ask you about it.
You give them information about your job, your priorities, your life and yet you resent their feedback and comments.
You inform them of your 'priorities' and then fly off the handle when they notice you've changed them and question why.
You complain about your job situation and yet resent their suggested solutions.
Are you 12 years old or what?
Honestly, it sounds like instead of parents you would prefer a couple of bobble head dolls that just nod and smile at everything you say.
Most ADULTS know that's not how relationships work, even with parents. If you offer information, expect feedback. If you ask for help, expect input. If you complain about your problems, expect people to offer solutions. If that's not what you want then YOU have to change the dialog and expectations.
If you don't want their comments and feedback, don't give them the information. If you don't want their input don't ask for their help. If you tell them you have 'priorities' it is natural for them to be curious when you announce changes. If you don't want them offer solutions to your problems stop blabbing on about your problems.
When your dad says, "How is work going?", instead of talking on and on about the details just say, "Things are going just fine. How is your work going, Dad."
With some practice (and maturity) you can learn to give details while maintaining the boundaries that you want.
"How is work going?"
"Things are going just fine. They're talking about changing schedules around again but I'm sure it will all work out. How is your work going, Dad?"
See how much easier, more pleasant and more adult-like that is?
As an adult you don't need their approval.
Grow up.
It isn't that easy. These are tough years and it is normal to feel that tug and pull of your parents while at the same time you want to reject any advice that they offer. Try to avoid reacting while you are in front of them - practice some statements like "Thanks. That gives me something to think about" or "That's an idea..." You are sharing information with them because on some level you want their opinion, but that doesn't necessarily mean that you want to do exactly what they say.
Hang in there. There is a reason that humans raise their young longer than any other creature. It is a process that takes time. You AND your parents will eventually get there.
Why is it that the more kids tell their parents about stuff they don't agree with, the more they hold it against them?
In the past, I'm written about telling my parents that I was going to make a To Do list ,and asked them for help. But then I found mom checking in every so often and it annoyed me when she asked about stuff that was important to her, but stuff I didn't take care of yet , or not totally completed.
For example:
-looking for a second/another job,
-looking for a new apartment,
-doing regular exercise, improving health in general,
-expanding social network
-clothes shopping: some more business clothing to make over my look
-get a hair cut, etc.
After the last family get together, for 2.5 weeks we had no contact until I broke the ice today, called and visited. The visit was Ok, except when it got to the topic of work and I told my Dad about my new schedule, back to weekend duty (which they hate), and the fact they're always changing my schedule (my parents think they're taking advantage of me)...etc.
I also told them how I had asked my supervisor for a fixed summer schedule, and how she had promised to get back to me but didn't and the uncertainty/ hassle that ensued.
His response: them them work for you - in other words, stop asking your supervisor for a fixed schedule when you know they often change it - instead talk to the manager in Division B (the one I expect to work for during a summer temp gig), and ask him to follow up with my current bosses for the schedule. Basically say I'm available for such and such a time range, but please figure out the days with my bosses - thanks.
Then at the end of the visit when I was leaving, I was saying how nowadays my 2 top priorities are making more money and finding a new apt. And Mom rudely counters, I thought your health was your #1 priority?
WTF! Get off my case already - why can't I change my mind or figure out my own priorities? Needless to say the visit didn't end on such a good note. Maybe I shouldn't tell them anything about my life and let them ask me, then filter out stuff I know they won't approve of. Note that I'm an adult now, so not a little kid anymore that needs a lot of guidance from their mom and dad.
Thoughts?
Even as a forty-year-old, I watch what I say to my parents. It's just hard for them not to give an opinion, and I'm frequently not interested in it. Here's the thing, you don't have to tell them everything! Ask them about their lives, and keep your answers to their questions short and sweet, as in "Work is great. I'm feeling wonderful. The apartment search is chugging along. Thanks for asking. How's your garden going, Mom?" And, then there's the classic, "Would you look at the time? I have to go!" I'm sure you're getting the drift. Good luck.
you are grown and on your own. dont put gas on the fire they are worried about you but fact is you are doing alright.
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