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So, I have a 6 year old in public school Kindergarten. There is one boy in there who has major issues. Always hitting, spitting in other kids faces etc. Probably needs an aide with him but that hasn't happened yet. Today at drop off for school this kid comes up to my son and hits him. (I wasn't there but it was described by other parents and the rest by his teacher who was outside also.) My son hit him right back. The other kid grabbed my kid's hair and kicked him. According to the teacher - my son went crazy and started punching him in the stomach until he let go and then they had to pull them apart.
The teacher gave them both the "no hitting lecture" and sent the other kid to the principal. At pick-up the teacher came to talk to me to tell me what happened. She said when she told my son no hitting, he said "my Mom told me if someone hits me I should hit them back." (Kinda wish he had kept that to himself - lol.) And I did say that. But the teacher said if he gets hit he has to find a teacher and tell them. I said my son has a right not to be abused and I will not tell him that he shouldn't hit back because that is just not real world. I feel like he needs to stand up for himself and put a stop to that BS now or it can go on for years. The teacher said if this happens again she will send him to the principal as well.
What do you think? Should I be telling him two wrongs don't make a right and all that good stuff? Or just back him up in the Principal's office?
Oh, wow. That situation has yet to come up in our family. I think I'd advise your son that at school, he needs to abide by the no hitting rule. But, I also believe that he has the right to defend himself. Is he capable of understanding that different situations call for different responses?
I think that you should be honest with your son. Tell him that you believe people have the right to defend themselves, and that *you* support his self-defense, and that you will support him even if his teachers do not. Clarify though, that even though you support him, there may still be consequences at school he may face.
I think there is a difference between hitting in self defense and hitting in response to a child with issues. I think if this child has been allowed to be hitting and spitting and whatever something needed to have been addressed that obviously hadn't. Hopefully it will. I think there is room on both sides for discussion on how to handle the situation. The school needs to protect all of it's students and ignoring and allowing this child to continue is not protecting either one. The child with the issues needs to be addressed and your child can be involved in a discussion about how, while hitting in self defense is fine, there are times when that is not the always the appropriate first response. When adults are around the first response needs to be to get them involved.....Physical contact continues and adults continue to not respond? Deck him right back.
So, I have a 6 year old in public school Kindergarten. There is one boy in there who has major issues. Always hitting, spitting in other kids faces etc. Probably needs an aide with him but that hasn't happened yet. Today at drop off for school this kid comes up to my son and hits him. (I wasn't there but it was described by other parents and the rest by his teacher who was outside also.) My son hit him right back. The other kid grabbed my kid's hair and kicked him. According to the teacher - my son went crazy and started punching him in the stomach until he let go and then they had to pull them apart.
The teacher gave them both the "no hitting lecture" and sent the other kid to the principal. At pick-up the teacher came to talk to me to tell me what happened. She said when she told my son no hitting, he said "my Mom told me if someone hits me I should hit them back." (Kinda wish he had kept that to himself - lol.) And I did say that. But the teacher said if he gets hit he has to find a teacher and tell them. I said my son has a right not to be abused and I will not tell him that he shouldn't hit back because that is just not real world. I feel like he needs to stand up for himself and put a stop to that BS now or it can go on for years. The teacher said if this happens again she will send him to the principal as well.
What do you think? Should I be telling him two wrongs don't make a right and all that good stuff? Or just back him up in the Principal's office?
I would tell my child that the rules at school call for no hitting and that there are consequences to him if he hits at school. I would talk to him about hitting first and how that his a whole lot different from hitting someone who hits him first.
I would tell him that if he gets in trouble at school you will not be able to keep the school from disciplining him but that you will not be angry with him.
I believe that children need to learn to defend themselves. If the school has a different rule and he breaks the rule he will need to face the consequences.
Sounds to me like the kid who has some serious issues needs to be dealt with separately.
Is the principal aware of this kid? What does the teacher say about this kid? Why is this kid still in the class? Or school?
His behavior sounds entirely unacceptable.
It also sounds like your son did a good job of defending himself, although I understand why you are a bit confused about the whole situation.
I don't think you should feel that you need to defend your parenting choices here. Your son was targeted by this kid, randomly, it sounds like. Self defense is an good trait for your kids to have.
It's this hitting and spitting kid that is the real problem. That child clearly has no sense of respect for others, and the teacher needs to get on that kid about it, or the Principal needs to bounce that kid out of the school.
wow. I have a 6 yo in K too. I have never taught him to hit back. So far I've been lucky. it hasn't come up yet. My 4 yo on the other hand bloodied the nose of a 6 year old neighbor kid that was picking on him. I was mortified at first. My husband was proud. I guess your son should be taught to follow the school rules when he is at school. He should be taught to respect authority. However, if it happened somewhere other than school, maybe not so strict. I don't know. It is hard.
In my opinion the right thing to do is go for the teacher first and if it were something that kept happening day after day ( to your child specifically, not to "everyone") such as a bullying situation and nothing was being done about it, then I would give the go ahead to hit back. But I really think you should give the system a chance to work. For kindergarten it doesn't seem like a good idea to tell him to hit back right away.
At six they don't have great impulse control or the ability to ask questions first and hit later. Let me give you an example, your son is playing by himself and all of a sudden he is hit from behind by another boy, he turns and punches this boy in the face for hitting him. What a six year old doesn't take the time to find out is that another boy shoved the boy, he just hit, into him. So it really wasn't the boy's fault that he hit him but the kid got punched for it anyway. Just my 2 cents that they need to be a little older and have some deeper thought processes in place before we give them free reign to hit people.
In my opinion the right thing to do is go for the teacher first and if it were something that kept happening day after day ( to your child specifically, not to "everyone") such as a bullying situation and nothing was being done about it, then I would give the go ahead to hit back. But I really think you should give the system a chance to work. For kindergarten it doesn't seem like a good idea to tell him to hit back right away.
At six they don't have great impulse control or the ability to ask questions first and hit later. Let me give you an example, your son is playing by himself and all of a sudden he is hit from behind by another boy, he turns and punches this boy in the face for hitting him. What a six year old doesn't take the time to find out is that another boy shoved the boy, he just hit, into him. So it really wasn't the boy's fault that he hit him but the kid got punched for it anyway. Just my 2 cents that they need to be a little older and have some deeper thought processes in place before we give them free reign to hit people.
I have a 6 year old in public school, and while I see your point about not seeing what the whole story is about this hitting.
Giving 6 year olds an excuse of "they don't have great impulse control" is really way too generous.
I do believe that is a very low standard. How can they be expected to behave with a minimal sense of civility when you give them an excuse not to?
Aim higher folks. The kids can do it.
It is such a gray area, especially at this young age. My son has been bullied for a year in school (he is 4th grade). One of the kids he had it with and decked him. He hasn't been bullied since by that kid. Sadly there are two other kids that follow him around and call him names.
At this stage if he hits, or defends himself physically, it means suspension, expulsion etc. I personally hate the no tolerance rule, because I want my son to be able to defend himself and not get in trouble.
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