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My daughter has been on a good trek lately- good grades, no trouble- but last night I went to a concert and took her house key- has had people over when I've ben gone- anyway I get a text from someone who drove by that she has some people over then My cell phone dies..... so I borrow a phone -tell her to please leave -call the boyfriend's dad-whom I had already called b/f I left and told him to check on them -they are 17 and 18... they left and went to BF's house-I think I over reacted-I was so MAD when i got home and blew up-she said she hated me !!! etc..... did I over react or what- it was probably 5 kids- they sat on my deck- not sure if they had alcohol or not but our city has passed a law that if kids are caught with parents not home and alcohol is present- parents will be fined- doubt we will ever be CAUGHT but I want them to be responsible!! I have asked other parents and they say they go thru these teen issues also-saying they hate you etc- just trying to decide If I am being too hard on her-she said she wanted them to leave but they like coming to our house- not sure if she is just saying that so she won't be in trouble....
It's your house. She should have had enough respect for you to ask about the friends before you left. Since she doesn't pay the mortgage and bills, she has no business inviting people in while you're away, especially if it's people you don't know.
About the 'I hate you'. She'll get over that fast enough. Next time she wants something, see how much she loves you.
I would talk to her and explain the legal consequences that apply to parents.
The way things are now one never knows when a molehill can turn into a mountain. If your deck happened to collapse or someone had a seizure, there was a fire---the list is endless---then the potential for disaster is great.
Perhaps your homeowner's policy is a good place to start. After she reads through that she may have a clearer idea of the liability of a property owner.
You made it clear before you left that she was not to have people over. She blatantly disobeyed you. Doesn't matter what they were doing. I don't see an over reaction.
We never allowed mixed company with no adults home. My kids could have same-sex friends over with no adults home but only friends that we knew about ahead of time AND we were sure to let the other parents know the situation to give them the same opportunity to nix it for their own child.
I wouldn't worry too much about a 17/18 yo telling you she hates you.
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