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Our children are now young adults. One still lives with us (thankfully) and is still in college.
Our work lives are busy but our home life all of a sudden seems very quiet. One of our son's friends who is still in college is moving out of his family home and even though it may not be realistic for our son, I know he thinks about it.
We thought we had about 2 more years but maybe not. Our children are very easy to live with; no real big problems. I like to be busy, productive and I'm feeling sad, lonely, all that.
I just lost my mom and she was a big part of all our lives; kind of glued us all together and I guess I feel kind of lost. I had to work a lot and still do but I know another family who did everything to the book - family dinners, outings, all that and one son (and wife) are in NYC (30ish - no kids), one daughter in the south and one son in college. So, I know they feel it too.
I want to keep my children connected to their family, their cousins, all that; I don't want to be a helicopter mom but I do miss all the family stuff. I'm not a good couch potato, in fact, it drives me insane!
I went back to visit my parents a few weeks ago- they've officially been empty nesting for about a year and a half now (I live on the opposite coast but my brother lives about 30 minutes away with my dad's best friend) and they've used it as a chance to create the dream house they never had. My parents have completely redone the whole house and garden, and they did it themselves to keep them busy. I was shocked how beautiful and peaceful our backyard is now- I think I spent almost the whole visit outside!
Don't look at it as a bad thing- you've raised kids that are responsible enough to move out and take care of themselves. Use it as the time to redo their bedrooms into that sewing room you've always wanted or to garden or do those things that you don't have time to do when you have kids. As a kid, I appreciate that my parents have gotten on with their lives and don't hover over me. I also appreciate the time I do spend with my parents more now that I'm far away and living my own life. As your kids go out and deal with real life and start their own families, the time they spend with you becomes more important, not less. Remember, it's quality over quantity (that's what my mom says at least- she's just glad I don't live in Europe anymore).
I love hearing from a young adult and yes, I remember how I felt but family was important to my father and we were all there. Some of us came and went but we were always there for all the family events. I know the 20's are an exploratory time.
I just feel I'm not done yet. I love being around children, younger people and I truly miss that. I wish I had done more BBQ's and all that.
We always had a full plate - super full time work (which we enjoyed), lots of activities, volunteering, family stuff, taking care of elderly parents physically and financially - now, a lot of that is quieter and it all happened kind of fast. My mom passed away so no more caregiving, no more financial need (so I don't feel needed) - I guess I'm just trying to find a way to give back - I would love to foster kids but I hear some real horror stories. I just don't know yet, just feeling kind of lost.
I know my children have their own lives and when I'm with them, I love being with them - truly! We enjoy each other - I enjoy them, I should say - they're probably thinking, Ok, I'm meeting this one at 11 PM and all that.
Instead of foster care (ie: having the child live in your home)... have you thought about something like Big Brothers / Big Sisters?? You get to interact with and nurture a child who needs an older role model, without having the worry of having them live with you. And, who knows, you may decide that fostering is something you want to investigate after some time goes by. I know that my parents also re-did the house after we moved out I always ask... why couldn't you have had the hot-tub while we were still living at home?!
I know that my parents also re-did the house after we moved out I always ask... why couldn't you have had the hot-tub while we were still living at home?!
As did mine! They were a little more concerned about our h.s./college tuition/braces/sports & so on but the remodel they did in the upstairs bathroom! A sit down steam shower! I had to share a 55yr old bathroom w/ 2 brothers (we only had one bathroom in the house) & it was just gross. We move out & they go nuts & get the whole house remodeled
That being said, in my 20s, I wanted to be far, far away from my parents. As I matured, got married, and had kids, I realized just the incredible value of my parents. Talk to my mom at least once a day & unless my dh has to move due to employment, I could never imagine my children not seeing their grandparents on a regular basis.
We have family friends who have 9 children, 23 grandchildren and ALL nine live in different states
Call your local Girl Scout council. They are ALWAYS looking for volunteers to do things with the girls. I know you have skills that would be great to share!!!
As a young adult (24), it's been so fun to watch my parents transform the past few years. No longer do their lives revolve around soccer games and college savings accounts--they have their own interests and friends! I swear, my mom has a bigger social life than I do, now Every time I call she's out to dinner or a happy hour with her fellow animal shelter volunteers!
I call home almost daily, and while I only get to see my parents once or twice a year (thanks to being married, working full time, going to grad school, and living across the country), I can truly say that I'm closer to my parents than I ever was while I lived at home.
As a young adult (24), it's been so fun to watch my parents transform the past few years. No longer do their lives revolve around soccer games and college savings accounts--they have their own interests and friends! I swear, my mom has a bigger social life than I do, now Every time I call she's out to dinner or a happy hour with her fellow animal shelter volunteers!
I call home almost daily, and while I only get to see my parents once or twice a year (thanks to being married, working full time, going to grad school, and living across the country), I can truly say that I'm closer to my parents than I ever was while I lived at home.
Nice to hear that. That's what I'm looking for - more of a social life. I truly love my husband but he comes from a quiet household, he's an only child so being alone doesn't bother me; I come from a large family with lots to do and people around all the time. So, I get lonely and I know I'm not good alone. I tend to overeat on comfort food.
As did mine! They were a little more concerned about our h.s./college tuition/braces/sports & so on but the remodel they did in the upstairs bathroom! A sit down steam shower! I had to share a 55yr old bathroom w/ 2 brothers (we only had one bathroom in the house) & it was just gross. We move out & they go nuts & get the whole house remodeled
That being said, in my 20s, I wanted to be far, far away from my parents. As I matured, got married, and had kids, I realized just the incredible value of my parents. Talk to my mom at least once a day & unless my dh has to move due to employment, I could never imagine my children not seeing their grandparents on a regular basis.
We have family friends who have 9 children, 23 grandchildren and ALL nine live in different states
I know a family, two kids, now in their early 30's - they grew up in a small home, both parents worked; then they go to college, get married, parents then buy a McMansion. One of the kids has now moved home and said "why now? Why not when we were growing up?"
Interesting about the family with 9 kids. Wow - you never know.
One of my family members went through the empty nest over a year ago - both the husband and the wife were very mopey, sad, kind of lost. When I saw them recently, I even asked how it was going - how were they dealing with the empty nest and they said "oh - you get over it" and said that they now have taken some nice trips, finished some home projects that were difficult to do when the kids and all their friends were always around.
Now it's gone the other way, there's a chance that their kids are coming back home - both of them and they're not looking forward to that.
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Thanks for that response!
I always ask... why couldn't you have had the hot-tub while we were still living at home?!
