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Did anyone else here have alcoholic, violent parents when they were growing up? How do you think it has affected you now in terms of how you handle your relationships?
My mom would be up at 10am every weekend morning, drinking wine. She would sit in her seat all day long and just drink and smoke and drink and smoke. My dad usually started later in the day, but by the time night fell both of them were well and truly smashed.
My dad often got physically violent, especially with mom, sometimes with us too. In the morning despite the obvious cuts and bruises it was like nothing had happened, and us kids were told to not bring it up.
Even at 30 years old I still have nightmares about some of those nights, and I blame them for how I feel in terms of lack of self esteem and holding my feelings in because I was always taught it is better to just shut up.
Did anyone else experience this kind of household?
Did anyone else here have alcoholic, violent parents when they were growing up? How do you think it has affected you now in terms of how you handle your relationships?
My mom would be up at 10am every weekend morning, drinking wine. She would sit in her seat all day long and just drink and smoke and drink and smoke. My dad usually started later in the day, but by the time night fell both of them were well and truly smashed.
My dad often got physically violent, especially with mom, sometimes with us too. In the morning despite the obvious cuts and bruises it was like nothing had happened, and us kids were told to not bring it up.
Even at 30 years old I still have nightmares about some of those nights, and I blame them for how I feel in terms of lack of self esteem and holding my feelings in because I was always taught it is better to just shut up.
Did anyone else experience this kind of household?
I am truly sorry you had to go thru that.
My dad was a heavy drinker and yes it did kill him later in life because of it. He was a grouch but only spanked my sisters and I only once and of course we fake cried and my dad felt bad and told us he was sorry.
It wasnt later when I got older I would tease my dad about his grouchiness. It wasnt all roses and cherries growing up, But I learned to forgive my dad for his drunken bouts.
My didnt drink. I amazed with 7 kids we didnt drive her to drink.
I wont date men who have drinking problems. I cant change what my parents did but only take in the good they have shown me and added into my life now. The past is the past so dont live in it. Live life to the fullest today...
My self esteem is so high I wish everyone felt as wonderful as me.
As long as you don't carry it forward, ie onto your own kids.
My mother was scared of the violence between her parents growing up and it affected her personality profoundly. First, she became very self-centric, one can say narcissist, - as if to compensate for the neglect she felt growing up. Secondly, she never trusted men, never really wanted to get married, and only did because she knew that my father loved her more than she loved him.
Needless to say the narcissism was not the greatest environment to be growing up in, or to support an adult relationship later. Everything is everybody else's, not her fault. I don't think she knows how to love, a man or a child.
Alcohol was a problem in my childhood household, but my parents were fantastic people.
My father was a high functioning alcoholic----VERY sucessful. He drank constantly, but he rarely appeared drunk. Only a few times in my life do I recall him appearing drunk. But he was a friendly drunk who wanted to have intellectual conversations. He was never violent.
My mother wasn't an alcoholic, but she couldn't handle her alcohol. She drank because she said that it was difficult being sober around someone who was drinking. When my father was out of town, she didn't' drink. She truly wasn't addicted like my father. Yet, my mother was the one who would turn violent a few times a year. She never touched us children, but we children would have to protect our father from her.
So, yeah, we had drama on occassion. Years later, we found out our mother had brain cancer. Suddenly it all made sense. It wasn't the alcohol that was making her violent. She had a tumor in her brain.
My mother died of cancer. My father died of complications due to alcohol and diabetes.
My siblings and I don't drink. None of us married partners who drink. We don't have hang ups about our upbringing. Our childhood was overall very nice. And our parents were very loving and supportive parents. We simply do not drink because we recognize that we have a genetic risk of being alcoholics ourselves. We chose to not marry people who drink because we recognize any of our offspring could acquire our "addictive" genetics too.
We certainly don't view ourselves as victims. We view ourselves as strong people. Afterall, we grew up being peace makers----stepping in to stop violence. That takes courage. We were always sucessful at calming things down.
I have so many childhood memories of seeing mom every weekend with her head in the toilet, and me asking her if she was ok. With dad it was always dragging his unconscious drunk ass to bed.
Looking back now I don't really blame mom, dad did hit her after all, whether we were present or not. She had to escape it somehow. The worst part is I secretly resent my siblings for it, they seemed to sleep through everything while I was always awake trying to keep dad away from mom. Not the simplest task for a 6 - 15 year old girl.
My husbands mom was a functioning alcoholic when we were kids. She was never mean, but she is lucky her kids were good and never got into trouble. Because there are alcoholics on both sides of our families, hubby and I don't drink. Both of us have seen siblings, parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc spiral out of control. We are the boring ones at the family events, lol.
Am I the only one who grew up in a household like this??
Of course you can't be the only one in the world who grew up like that. Go join an Adult Children of Alcoholics group, and you'll find lots of like minded people who blame their alcoholic parents for everything in their lives. Maybe you'll find validation at those meetings. But I personally wouldn't go that route. I don't mean to sound harsh, but the victim mentality isn't healthy. I highly recommend doing whatever you can to move away from that thought process so you can start viewing yourself in a healthier manner---as a survivor, not a victim.
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