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A month or so ago I got a call from a close friend of mine. His father had passed away. A few days later he called me after the funeral and said when he got home all the family members told him and his brother that they needed a check to cover all of the funeral expenses, etc. Needless to say, on top of the grieving he had to endure, was the added stress of coming up with thousands in unexpected expenses.
He asked me if I had insured one of my parents yet (we had this discussion a year or so prior) and I admitted to him that I hadn't. He basically went on to say I need to do this now, and that doing so would ensure I have more than enough to cover all of the expenses if something were to happen to me, as well as extra to pass on to my beneficiaries if/when it's my time.
I agree but it's a touchy subject. I don't know how to approach it with my mother. I don't know how much to get or who to get it with. I basically know nothing about insurance but I'm ready to learn/take action.
Any thoughts, suggestions, experiences, links/resources you care to share?
A lot depends on your family situation. Is your father living/still married to mom? How is mom's health and age? How many siblings do you have and do you all get along? Does your mother own her own home and do you know the state of her finances? Does she have a will and does it provide for funeral expenses?
You might want to look into prepaid funerals. Talk to the local funeral home about it.
A few days later he called me after the funeral and said when he got home all the family members told him and his brother that they needed a check to cover all of the funeral expenses, etc.
He asked me if I had insured one of my parents yet (we had this discussion a year or so prior) and I admitted to him that I hadn't. He basically went on to say I need to do this now....
A lot depends on your family situation. Is your father living/still married to mom? How is mom's health and age? How many siblings do you have and do you all get along? Does your mother own her own home and do you know the state of her finances? Does she have a will and does it provide for funeral expenses?
You might want to look into prepaid funerals. Talk to the local funeral home about it.
My father is still living; he's not married to my mother (my father and I do not talk).
My mom is 53. She is a former smoker; quit maybe 2 years ago. She does have uncontrolled hypertension but that's all that I'm aware of. No high cholesterol or diabetes or heart problems; no major surgeries ever.
I have one younger brother, we get along. But he's overseas.
Okay, so part of the issue is getting her to talk to me about anything She doesn't own her home; she has a mortgage but I don't know the terms. I've asked her before and she always avoids the topic. So I don't know how much is owed on the home. Furthermore, the home needs repairs but is beyond repair (she's basically a hoarder and the condition of the house has progressively worsened over the years). The house situation is a major concern of mine but I just don't know that there's anything I can do about it myself.
I'm pretty sure she does not have a will. I've tried to ask her about these things and she doesn't like to discuss them; in the past she'd always change the subject. When I ask about what is to happen with the house, how will she retire, what if something happens to her, she just says she doesn't worry about it...that she's just 'gonna have to pray about it'.
But I'd rather prepare for what might come rather than ignore the possible implications should something happen to her.
My grandfather sat me down one day and I asked him what I should do. He's the most calm/rational person I know and always has good advice. He told me he didn't have any...that he felt sorry for me....to cross that bridge when I get to it...and to plan as if to not expect any help from my brother.
He described the situation as a "ticking time bomb"
@ 53 Long term Life Ins, Is generally not worth it. Since it sounds like you will be paying for her final cost in 30 or so. I would put some money away for the Funeral / Burial costs, in your name. I would not go with pre-paid funeral. Most of them tie you to one funeral home. And some have gone out of biz by the time you need it.
You can check the county records to see what type of mortgage she has on the home, I will be recorded. At some point you may have to ask to be appointed her financial guardian, to take control of her finances. For now, most power,gas etc, will allow you to (she need to sign off on it) to be notified if she does not pay her bills. You are not responsible for them but can get in there and take control before they turn off the X.
I agree with flyonpa. At 53 and being a smoker your mom will be expensive to insure, so I would simply start socking a little away each month in a "funeral fund." Furthermore, when the time comes you should be able to bill the funeral to the estate if you sign as guarantor in the event there is nothing left in the estate when her affairs are settled. That way if there does happen to be any money left over it will first go to pay for the funeral rather than you paying for the funeral yourself and splitting what proceeds may be left from the estate with your brother.
...so I would simply start socking a little away each month in a "funeral fund" (an account in YOUR name alone and that no one else needs to know about) . ...when the time comes you should be able to bill the funeral to the estate if you sign as guarantor in the event there is nothing left in the estate when her affairs are settled. That way if there does happen to be any money left over it will first go to pay for the funeral rather than you paying for the funeral yourself (only as a last recourse if that is needed) and splitting what proceeds may be left from the estate with your brother.
Get a quote and do they math. Figure out your breakeven point and make a decision on it. One advantage to the insurance over saving is the money is there now. If you save 3 months and your parent dies well time to pay up. With insurance its all covered. So a lot depends on how much liquid savings you have right now.
A lot depends on your family situation. Is your father living/still married to mom? How is mom's health and age? How many siblings do you have and do you all get along? Does your mother own her own home and do you know the state of her finances? Does she have a will and does it provide for funeral expenses?
You might want to look into prepaid funerals. Talk to the local funeral home about it.
A pre-paid funeral is basically a life insurance policy the funeral home takes out on you or whomever. They take out a whole life policy, let it grow and keep all the profits of the policy. They are a great deal for the funeral home. You can achieve the same thing with your own life insurance policy for a heck of a lot less.
Putting money away for a funeral is a good idea, unless she dies before he has enough saved up.
southkakkatlantan--is your mom working? If so, she may have a policy through work, if not, I think you are right about asking her if she has one and having an adult conversation about her plans and financial situation, especially since she is not married. If she quit smoking a couple years ago, most insurance companies will take that into consideration and she could get a descent rate. Even at smoker's rates, getting $50,000 on her won't be all that expensive. You do need to sit down and figure out how long it would take you to save up $20,000 to cover a funeral and all the final expenses. You should also talk to an estate planning attorney about how to structure things so you don't have to go through probate or minimize probate depending on her assets.
She should make sure that any retirement accounts or life insurance polices she does have have you or you and siblings listed as beneficiaries. In divorce situations it is very common to have forgotten to change that and the ex spouse ends up getting everything.
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She doesn't own her home; she has a mortgage but I don't know the terms. I've asked her before and she always avoids the topic. So I don't know how much is owed on the home. Furthermore, the home needs repairs but is beyond repair (she's basically a hoarder and the condition of the house has progressively worsened over the years). The house situation is a major concern of mine but I just don't know that there's anything I can do about it myself.
