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We've all been there at one time another, In debt, owe more than we can afford on credit cards, bit off too much than what we could chew, etc., including myself. But now, I am financially free, after owing about $13,000 in credit card debt. I was able to land a part time job for 2yrs. to help pay it off. as well as sock some $$$ money away in my savings.....Lesson learned with that situation. I more conscious of how they way I spend/save money. Here the deal, my very best friend has hit me up for money. She wants to borrow about $200.00...I really don't want to loan her the money, as I think that she needs to learn financial reponsibility like I did...I let her borrow $140.00 last year and she did pay me back after about a month. But I feel bad about saying no to her as she is my best friend. I just see a lot of my old self in her, as far as the shopping sprees/eating out/vacations/that she tries to take, knowing she can't afford it.....What would you do?
Congrats to you for digging yourself out of debt and putting some money into savings. I think you should be honest with her and tell her you see a lot of your old self in her and that you don't want to see her on a path that ultimately will not make her happy. Be prepared for the fact that what you say may not be well received. It's possible that the friendship could end at some point down the line. That's sometimes the price you pay for getting your financial act together....you lose some friends...but you'll likely gain others who don't have these kinds of issues with overspending.
If she paid you back in a timely fashion last year... You should trust her as she has shown you that she is trustworthy. Normally I would advise mixing money with friendship... But I think you can loan this amount to her at this time.
If you were in her shoes, you'd probably want that chance too.
Nopety nope nope nope..... just like investments, past performance is no indication of future actions. I had a friend (note past tense) who borrowed and paid back several times.... and then came the time they didn't -- and amusingly enough it was the most they had ever borrowed. 750 bucks.
And the reasons! Well -- she had just gotten a job three weeks after we just had to save her family from all utilities being shut off YET AGAIN.... and she just HAD to buy a matching Coach bag, wallet and shoes, because she had appearances to maintain at work....
And then she had to start getting her nails done every week.... and then the new tattoo... and hair coloring....
We'd get 25 dollar payments here and there.... after a few years she winnowed it down to 600 bucks....
But honestly, it felt like she was rubbing my generosity into my face, because every time we saw them it was a whole litany of what else I got new and have to upkeep every two weeks...and why aren't YOU doing this, too, because there's something wrong with you if you don't do these things.... and I ended the friendship.
OP -- don't lend the money, and if she asks, you can GENTLY try to guide her to not spending everything + 10%... but don't expect it to take.... some people NEVER get it, especially if they have people they can depend on to bail them out...
I've never been asked by someone to borrow money. I imagine if I were asked it would be more than a couple hundred bucks. Given the information you gave, I would say no, she could easily cancel a trip to save that $200. If you did decide to give the money only give an amount you are comfortable never seeing again.
What do adults spend their money on that they need to borrow $100 to make ends meet? I can understand if you have a big family, are under ~21 or something. But everyone I know who has asked me to borrow money have been single people with pretty good jobs and living with roommates, living with relatives.
I lent money to friends. One owed me $800 and never paid me back. I ended the friendship. The other friend paid me back but took over a year. I promised myself I would never loan money again.
I say don't give more than you can afford to lose.
I really dont know where the money will be going....but I do know that she is having some financial difficulty due from overspending on credit cards and trying to take vacations. For instance, I know she struggled to go to Aruba last year, because the $140 i lended her last year went on her power bill. Now she is planning a trip to Puerto Rico in June, as well as trip to Scottsdale in August. Im trying to help her not to be so dependent on credit cards...I must say, when I became debt free, it felt like a ton of bricks had been lifted off of me.....and you begin to see things more clearly.
Sounds like she's lost sight of priorities and needs to learn responsibility. Helping (loaning the money) bad behavior only encourages it.
Congrats to you for digging yourself out of debt and putting some money into savings. I think you should be honest with her and tell her you see a lot of your old self in her and that you don't want to see her on a path that ultimately will not make her happy. Be prepared for the fact that what you say may not be well received. It's possible that the friendship could end at some point down the line. That's sometimes the price you pay for getting your financial act together....you lose some friends...but you'll likely gain others who don't have these kinds of issues with overspending.
Couldn't rep you, but this is a great answer. Some of the responses here seem to lack compassion. We all need a little help sometime, and God forbid one of us should find ourselves in that situation. However, I think the real question is, how can I "help" her. True help may look a little different from what she thinks she needs. I like mysticaltyger's response because it lacks judgement, but shows discernment. If she was truly in dire straits, I think a gift would be in order; however in this situation, it seems as though she needs a little reality therapy. As mysticaltyger says, she may not receive it, but you have no control over that.
As a side note, a friend recently asked me to borrow some money to tide him over until payday. I agonized over it, because this friend has helped me out (not financially) numerous times before. I ultimately decided to give him the money. I told him that I don't like to loan money to friends, because it ultimately ruins friendships, but I'd give him the money and he could provide a service for me (something that he is good at) for me and we'd call it good. Was it the best response? I can't answer that, but it felt better than establishing myself as the bank.
It's really not my place to judge... Why continue to "try" and take these excursions/getaways and you can't afford to keep your lights on.....I'll admit I wasnt as bad as she was trying to afford to go different places...but I did have a tendacy to be a "shopaholic". Like i previously stated thought, lesson learned. Her motto, is " Life is too short". Yeah life is too short, but you have to think realistically about life as well. Why spend $$$ you do not have??
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