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I have been married to my husband for 2 years. Prior to him, my credit score was in the 800's and I had zero late payments and every bill was paid on the date it was due. My oh my how things have changed for the worse.
In the 3 yrs we have been together, he has somehow managed to lower my credit score by at least 90 points
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 12 days ago)
35,641 posts, read 18,001,275 times
Reputation: 50687
I don't understand your financial set up at home.
You two are living like roommates, except he's stiffing you. He's attempting to "pay you back" for "his" stuff, and he's not rising to the challenge, and you're worried every month if he's paying "his" bills.
This doesn't sound like a marriage, at all. Put your money together, budget it, and don't have fights every month because he doesn't pay his bills. They will become family bills, and since you seem to be more responsible, YOU pay them out of the joint accounts.
Why do the two of you have this set up where "now that he has a decent paying job he can afford to help you out with some bills"?
He does seem immature. But really, maybe you should go into financial counseling where you realize how not to have completely separate lives financially? You're better at managing, you should be the manager.
OP : I am concerned about your statement that he "rages." Be careful. He's financially abusive already--you don't want it to turn physical. Make sure you have a "bug out" stash of money.
My husband was anal about money- wanted to know every penny, literally. Thought we should have thousands..
All the while spending it on things not related to the topic at hand.
Im a spender. I didnt think about saving because at the time he couldnt hold a job and i thought " if i dont buy this now, i never will".
NASTY CYCLE TO BE IN!
-------------------------------
Fast forward 10yrs later:
We sit down together every 2 weeks and go over the budget. " $4 to this bill, $20 to this one, $100 is whats left". That way we are on the same page and know whats going on. We dont track beyond that and he lets me pay them. We are both on the bills. He works, i dont.
Its the only way that it works for us. Excel sheets, budget trackers, etc dont work for us.
so my advice: Sit down and go over everything. NOT FIGHTING, just informative. Start small " ok, the credit card is $100, we should try to pay $25 this check". Then YOU start paying them. STOP asking him.
** and im still a spender but i can do it on a budget and not rob peter to pay paul.
You two are living like roommates, except he's stiffing you. He's attempting to "pay you back" for "his" stuff, and he's not rising to the challenge, and you're worried every month if he's paying "his" bills.
This doesn't sound like a marriage, at all. Put your money together, budget it, and don't have fights every month because he doesn't pay his bills. They will become family bills, and since you seem to be more responsible, YOU pay them out of the joint accounts.
Why do the two of you have this set up where "now that he has a decent paying job he can afford to help you out with some bills"?
He does seem immature. But really, maybe you should go into financial counseling where you realize how not to have completely separate lives financially? You're better at managing, you should be the manager.
So this is a question I get asked by him a lot and it has caused many fights but hear me out....why on earth would I combine our finances when he is so reckless with his money? Just the other day he told me he was going to go buy a new tattoo for a couple hundred dollars and put it on his credit card yet he can't even pay his truck payment. I don't set up a joint account because I feel like if I did, it would be a lot worse because he would see how much money I contributed and would want to use only what i make for all the bills. I realize we are married, but at some point, it is just not fair. Am I wrong in thinking this way? I have taken care of myself since I was 15, it is extremely odd and difficult for me to understand people who pool their money together, especially when one of them cannot be trusted.
My husband is bad with money too. I found out the first month we were married since he was able to lie about it before then. When I found out I contemplated a divorce but decided to give it a chance. However as soon as I realized, that first month of marriage, I took charge of all finances. We also get credit monitoring through my work so he can't go opening accounts without me knowing. It's never been a problem since. I told him at the beginning I wasn't going on his sinking ship.
Then we attended the Dave Ramsey classes together so he could learn the basics and that really helped him (I gave him this ultimatum and was more than prepared to leave his as$ if he had a bad attitude, which he didn't).
From there he went into the military and got his shiiit together and paid for me to go to nursing school to make up for everything. Then he got out and is now a stay at home dad and I work as a nurse.
Everything has worked out well but that's because I controlled the finances very strictly. He's never tried to take advantage again. I think he was young and dumb. Now things are more mutual. He built his credit up over 7 years and it's good now but took time.
You just have to be firm and Mean It. You can pick yourself back up but it will take time. It took time to get in debt and lower your credit score so it will take time to fix all that. And he needs to be on board with a stable job and you need to be in charge of finances so you can fix the situation. But if he won't cooperate you also have to actually be prepared to leave since things will only get worse.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 12 days ago)
35,641 posts, read 18,001,275 times
Reputation: 50687
Quote:
Originally Posted by nicole11
So this is a question I get asked by him a lot and it has caused many fights but hear me out....why on earth would I combine our finances when he is so reckless with his money? Just the other day he told me he was going to go buy a new tattoo for a couple hundred dollars and put it on his credit card yet he can't even pay his truck payment. I don't set up a joint account because I feel like if I did, it would be a lot worse because he would see how much money I contributed and would want to use only what i make for all the bills. I realize we are married, but at some point, it is just not fair. Am I wrong in thinking this way? I have taken care of myself since I was 15, it is extremely odd and difficult for me to understand people who pool their money together, especially when one of them cannot be trusted.
Hmmm. I don't think you're wrong in thinking this way, because he acts like a 13 year old.
This isn't really a marriage, in my vision. Married people work together toward common goals. This guy doesn't even know how much money you make and you aren't willing to let him know.
I'd be interested in hearing more about why you have been self-supporting since you were 15. That might explain a LOT about why you picked a guy who is so irresponsible and childish that you are completely justified erecting a 12 foot stone wall between the two of you. Because that's the kind of guy you want. One where you have a 12 foot stone wall between you.
Because you are jaded in life and were forced to take care of yourself in adolescence.
This isn't about money. This is about you not ever being able to feel safe. And deciding to pick a guy no one would expect you to trust. Because you don't want a guy you'd have to let down your guard and trust.
I wonder how long he'll keep this new job? I get a feeling it won't be very long.
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THAT MONSTER!
