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Oh, this is so sad. You sound like a decent guy, so I'm sorry you got stuck with this.
I'm not going to read though this long, long thread, but here are a few thoughts, in case no one has said this exact thing.
1. How long is it until the child is at least in nursery school, which would free up your wife's time? Unfortunately, there are relatively few jobs that can be done from home, except as an accommodation to an existing worker.
2. While I certainly wouldn't suggest divorce, I would hope that you sit down and have a very serious confrontation with your wife - with a counselor, in necessary - about the fact that she wasn't forthcoming about this. This is not a good way to enter a marriage.
3. While your essential decency shows in your not being vindictive with cutting off your mother-in-law from seeing your child - it's not unreasonable to sit down with her, too, and say: Look, it's largely your fault that we're in this bind; I'd like to hear any ideas you might have about stepping forward to help us dig out of this. Even if she doesn't make much, I wonder if you could set up the equivalent of a Christmas account that would skim off a tiny bit of her salary into an account for your household. That would avoid the awkwardness of a handover.
4. I'd think twice about leaving a stable job. On the other hand, no harm in putting out feelers.
5. If you contemplate cancelling cable, be aware that there are a bunch more over-the-air stations that have popped up in recent years, so there is more available for free than there used to be.
6. Since you're being so extremely conscientious that you're even scrutinizing your food, please make sure that whoever is cooking dinner (presumably your wife) is aware of how to cook economically, how to shop the sales at supermarkets, etc.
I wouldn't worry about the student loans right now. I think you ought to focus on your relationship. Divorce is going to be much more expensive and much messier than student loan interest.
I am having a hard time "getting" this thread. My spouse has $50k in outstanding student loans for a degree he doesn't use and that isn't something that bothers me. I paid mine off years ago.
It seems the OP was aware of the situation beforehand.
Maybe you can convince her to move to a lower cost of living area. Moving may be the easiest solution to your financial issues. Work on getting through to her. Be kind about it and remember you want to be effective more than you want to be "right".
Dear last 2 posters,
Go read his previous threads. This is way more complicated than a student loan issue. This guy married a lazy woman with a strong sense of entitlement. He’s killing himself to support her, and she just wants more and more. He needs to deal with this core issue. She needs to pull her weight and be a partner, but he lacks the backbone to address the elephant in the room.
Dear last 2 posters,
Go read his previous threads. This is way more complicated than a student loan issue. This guy married a lazy woman with a strong sense of entitlement. He’s killing himself to support her, and she just wants more and more. He needs to deal with this core issue. She needs to pull her weight and be a partner, but he lacks the backbone to address the elephant in the room.
Dear last 2 posters,
Go read his previous threads. This is way more complicated than a student loan issue. This guy married a lazy woman with a strong sense of entitlement. He’s killing himself to support her, and she just wants more and more. He needs to deal with this core issue. She needs to pull her weight and be a partner, but he lacks the backbone to address the elephant in the room.
I'm not going to read all that but I think we are in agreement. The student loans aren't the issue!
My sister-in-law and her fiance combined a total of of $270,000 in debt. They are recent grads from pharmacy school. My point is: Your problem is temporary and totally solvable. Good luck.
Temporary? I think it will take many, many years to pay that off. By the time they paid it off 10-30 years down the road, others have paid their house off.
I do not understand how people can sleep at night, knowing they accumulated so much debt.
I'm sure it's totally unfair. None of these snide remarks are remotely helpful.
This is personal finance. Poor life decisions can and do crush your personal finances. The memo I got was to get my education, establish my career, and get into a successful long term relationship with my equal. Violate that at your peril.
Dear last 2 posters,
Go read his previous threads. This is way more complicated than a student loan issue. This guy married a lazy woman with a strong sense of entitlement. He’s killing himself to support her, and she just wants more and more. He needs to deal with this core issue. She needs to pull her weight and be a partner, but he lacks the backbone to address the elephant in the room.
Right. He also needs to get to the bottom of WHY HE CHOSE TO MARRY her - because he knew these issues and the sort of habits and attitudes she had prior to marrying her and begetting children with her.
He needs to get counseling and focus on his behaviors, not hers.
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