Parents in financial death spiral, What should I do? (payment, cost, expenses)
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I am so impressed by your thoughtfulness, compassion, concern, and love for your parents. I think you should write them a letter stating what you did here. Your love and concern for them will shine through and you'll be able to make your points without an argument. Sometimes when things are in writing they are given more credence than when they are vocalized. After you state your concerns there's really nothing else you can do, you'll just have to move on and work on securing your future. Unfortunately, the others are right, your parents are going to do what they want to do. I would not give them monetary gifts - that's like pouring money down a deep hole. Perhaps you could give them financial planning books, take them out to dinner, etc. when gift giving is expected. Best wishes.
I usually post here to help people deal with there relocation questions, but I saw this subforum and felt compelled to post.
I am currently a senior in college, and the situation my parents are in is just making me ill. On the surface, both my mother and father bring in decent salaries, and from the outside live a comfortable, but not extravagant lifestyle. The truth is my parents are in debt up to their eyeballs and they seem to be oblivious to it.
Most of the problems boil down to mom mother's inability to hold down a job. It started in 2000 when my mother lost her job. She was able to find one 3 months later, but it was at a lower pay rate than what she was making. However, our family's lifestyle didn't change, and the difference was being made up with credit cards. I was only in the eighth grade but I knew something was up. She only had that job for a year, then 9/11 happen and she lost that one. She was able to find another job, but just like last time she got a job at a much lower pay rate. And again, our lifestyle as a family didn't change. The doozy came in 2004, when again, a difference of opinion between her and her boss led to a job loss in 2004, and this time she was out of work for a year and a half. During this time, she decided to go back to school and get her MBA, as well as go ahead and start up a business. Those are all fine, but she financed it by getting into MORE debt with credit cards and student loans. In this time I went to college and paid for it largely by myself. When I would come home, I would find all the NEW STUFF they bought, knowing good and well they couldn't afford it. Well now, my mom, who found a new, well paying job during this time, wants to quit and do her business full time. It would be okay if it weren't for the fact that her business really isn't up and running (its still operating at a loss) and with the economy going the way it is it could very well fail, just as all of her student loans are about to come due.
I know that I'm sounding like I'm ragging on my mom, but my dad is just at fault because he spends just as much on useless junk that they don't need. Ironically my father has received several promotions at his job and is making a lot more money now than ever, but they just keep buying more and more instead of paying down debt. I know for a fact that just between credit cards and student loans they have a debt load pushing six figures. Thats not including mortgage, car loans, etc. I've tried to confront them on this but every time I do the discussion usually blows up into an argument and my parents tell me I should just "mind my own business." I think with the prospect of possibly loosing another source of income, my dad is starting to wise up to just what a bad situation they are in, but neither he, nor my older sister, refuse to confront my mother on the situation. And there situation just keeps getting worse and worse. I've had nightmares in which my parents loose the house, their cars, and I think this is just foreboding whats about to happen. I've though about calling a financial advisor and paying for the fee myself, but they have shot down the idea. I think I'm going to do it anyway. I just feel terrible sitting here watching my parents commit financial suicide and do nothing about it. What should I do?
i regret very much your profile is a blank so i dont know your age. nor of your siblings. nor living situation. i will assume you and your sibling are young adults living at home with your parents. we are powerless over others. we can only work on our own character defects.
get a job move out. you will have reduced a factor in the equation and reduced the burden your parents are carrying. perhaps after that they will think in a more rational manner.
Lol... you remind me of my life... my mother is way, WAY over debt... her debt is probably double to triple what your parents debt is... there is nothing I can do about it but let her live her life and let her go into bankruptcy when she starts floundering... I will always have a place for her here and let her rebuild her life... even though she has about 300k of debt, she is planning to buy brand new washers and dryers and wants to spend over $3000 for them... she lives pretty much by herself... why does she need expensive appliances for?? Nobody even comes over to the house... I think there is no way for people to learn financial responsibility until they hit rock bottom... but then they might get bailouts and entitlements and never learn to be responsible... oh well... I pay for her cell phone... that way she can always call me when they take away everything she has...
How did you come out so sensible with such irresponsible parents?
I think what other posters mentioned was correct...it is almost like a disease and they won't change until they have decided to change. Save yourself heartache and sleep, and let them be.
Unfortuantely, when they are old and have no retirement, you will be faced with having to care for them. Until then, finish college and pay your loans quickly. Invest and save so you don't end up the same way.
Considering the probable outcome, where the OP will ultimately have to pay for his parent's foolishness, there is one possibility that could snap them out of it. I'm suspecting that the parents might be thinking that since the OP is so responsible, they can live free and wild and then sponge later.
What the OP might do is hide any accumulation of money from the parents, and then start constantly begging them for money. There is a possibility that they might see how draining having a family leech is emotionally, and reconsider their habits. Additionally, any money "borrowed" could then be invested for the ultimate payoff. If the parents are really narcissistic and uncaring, they will attempt to break ties. If so, this is better done early than later, when the guilt trip will be brutal.
As they age and go through bankruptcy, there is a good chance that they may be declared financially incompetent by a court, and have a conservator appointed. Ultimately, society has to protect itself from people who repeatedly rip other people off, even if it is unintentional.
Being a parent does not automatically make a person intelligent or money smart or even a good parent. Sometimes the offspring have to recognize this and act accordingly, especially if they love them.
We have some friends that are going through a similar problem. The mom can't hold a job and are burning through their savings so they will probably lose their home within a year and be bankrupt shortly thereafter.
The root cause of her problem is she's become a Meth Addict who can't be stopped. Not saying this is happening in your home but do you see any signs of an addiction ?
So it seems the consensus is to just let my parents be. Ugh, I was hoping that wasn't the answer, but I know my options as a son are at best limited. It does worry me because I know that when I graduate and get a job (hopefully) next year they will come to me begging for help the minute I get my first paycheck. And I've got student loans myself, so I don't know how I'll help them. Oh well I'll just keep a two bedroom apartment so they'll have a place to stay if they loose the house.
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Drug Problem ?
