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We lived in Gilbert 3 yrs ago...and loved it, didnt want to leave. My mother inlaw moved there to be close to us and she is still there, plus we have some other family there too. My husband has a great job in LA and drives 70 miles a day to get there and normally sits in 2 hrs of traffic to get home. We live in a decent suburb of LA....but it is nothing compared to Gilbert( absence of normal people and values lacking). I dont feel like I belong here...and long very much to be back in AZ. Since we have been here, we have discussed moving back to AZ while my husband commutes by plane twice a week. We bought at the high end of the market here and have a fairly high mortgage for a very small house...if we took our equity and bought a house in Gilbert our mortgage would be substantually smaller...more than half than what it is now. Granted some of that savings would go towards his commute costs...but still be cheaper than the mortgage amt.
we need some input/feedback from families and/or people who are doing this kind of lifestyle? Pros and cons
We have relocated ALOT...and this time I think we could stay put for awhile...I dont feel at home here in LA because it is so different from any other place we have lived and I just want to be settled in a place that I feel at home in and be closer to family. I want a good wholesome community to bring our kids up in...without all this superficial, entertainment industry crap all around. And I have been open to looking at other communities around here...even Irvine...and we have...there just doesnt seem to exist any resemblance of what we had in Gilbert. And financially for us to move here in CA would increase out mortgage another 1000 dollars. And I feel like I have given this area a fair shake. As many times as we relocated in the past, I know the drill...we have been here for 2 yrs now. Please no judgements...just good sound advice.
runnergrl, it will depend on you and your husband on whether the commute will work or not.
Much will depend on you, and your willingness to remain home and deal with the day to day issues on your own. Only you can know that.
I was an airline pilot for 35 years and was away from home long periods of time, usually from one to 2 weeks, and my wife had to deal with all of the daily problems and issues with our 4 children. There were many divorces within the pilot community because it was too tough for many wives to deal with. They were pretty much single moms when it came to raising the kids and running the household.
However, we were very happy where we lived, and when I was home I spend a lot of quality time with my wife and our children.
You and your husband need to discuss this to see how it will work for you.
When I was flying it was before the days of easy internet access and world wide email, and easy cell phone communication, so it was more difficult then than it is now.
Today you have almost instant communication with your husband any time of the day, so that make it much better.
With your husband commuting twice a week, that means he will be home more frequently, and the commute for him is a very short one.
My feeling, from what you are saying is that you would be much more happy making the move back to the Phoenix area. Gilbert is a wonderful place to live. We live in Val Vista Lakes where there is a good mix of all ages from young children to retirees. The people here enjoy being around people, and the older adults without children under their roofs enjoy the neighborhood children.
So you and your husband talk this over and go where your hearts take you, so you will be the happiest.
My husband left Sunday nights and came home Friday night for years. It worked out fine for us because I'm very independant and don't mind going it alone. Like CaptainBill said we were able to communicate all day through email, texts and phone calls.
When I had my third baby it did get hard and I stared feeling like I needed him around more... Because I needed him around for me but also because I felt like he was missing our kids childhood. You have to think about the school events and things that happen during the week. My husband did mostly travel to the East coast so like I said, he had to leave Sunday night to be there Monday and didn't normally come home till Friday night. When hubby went to CA or made it a short week and came home Friday morning it was alot nicer. So that fact would make it more doable for you. I mean typically working husbands who have to go into work arent' around that much during the week anyway.
He ended up moving to another position in the co with less travel and I hired help for the kids in the meanwhile, which I would suggest you do if you end up in this situation (unless your family will help out).
When he started being home more often (now he mostly works from home) we went through a huge adjustment period. We didn't know how to live together anymore. We did adjust but there are still days when I wish he would jump on a plane
So like was mentioned, inventory your life and decide if it can work for you. if you have ?'S about specific things let me know! Good luck!
Last edited by ILuvAZ; 01-23-2008 at 07:15 PM..
Reason: added
[quote=ILuvAZ;2604619]
...When he started being home more often (now he mostly works from home) we went through a huge adjustment period. We didn't know how to live together anymore. We did adjust but there are still days when I wish he would jump on a plane...quote]
Do I ever remember those days
When I retired from flying, I felt that I was an unwelcome visitor in my own home. My wife felt like I was intruding on her space. We went through some tough adjusting periods.
I remember her telling me one time that I may be the Captain on my airplane, but I am not the Captain in our home
It's been a long time since I retired from flying and we've finally learned to live together. It was simple. I learned to accept the fact that she is in charge of the house; and she put me in charge of taking the garbage out and washing the dinner dishes.
I remember reading an article or seeing it on the news of lots of businessmen flying out Monday morning from phx to LA and flying back friday night. I guess many people do it. Now flying out twice a week may get old, but luckily it's a short flight.
...When he started being home more often (now he mostly works from home) we went through a huge adjustment period. We didn't know how to live together anymore. We did adjust but there are still days when I wish he would jump on a plane...quote]
Do I ever remember those days
When I retired from flying, I felt that I was an unwelcome visitor in my own home. My wife felt like I was intruding on her space. We went through some tough adjusting periods.
I remember her telling me one time that I may be the Captain on my airplane, but I am not the Captain in our home
It's been a long time since I retired from flying and we've finally learned to live together. It was simple. I learned to accept the fact that she is in charge of the house; and she put me in charge of taking the garbage out and washing the dinner dishes.
I have a friend whose husband is a long haul truck driver. And they too experience the marital chaos it can sometimes cause when he is home (about 4 days out of the month). They seem to fight a lot, he says its the same thing, he feels like he's invading her space, yet he pays all the bills there. Their kids are grown and on their own now but he seems to find it safer to 'stay away', lol.
Sounds scary to me... but if it can be imagined, it can be done, I guess. So if you were to theoretically do the scenario you're proposing, where would your husband sleep at night during the work week? Would he have a car in LA?-- where would it be parked when he's not there? How much would renting a place in LA cost and buying plane tickets every week, all that on top of your mortgage and regular bills-- how would it add up? And I wonder how it would work with insurance, car registration, taxes? Which state would you pay to?
What about moving to Blythe, CA-- halfway between Phoenix and LA, and then each person drives the rest of the way?
Yes, it was really hard and we did fight alot. I was so used to just getting up and doing my things, my own way, on my schedule all day long without "answering" to anyone else. And when it came to the kids he would do things like put a movie on for them 15 minutes before bedtime or give them cookies right before bed because he wasn't really in tune to paying attention to the timing of those things. Once he realized that I kinda knew what I was doing around here it got better.
VegasPilgrim brings up a good point in looking at it from your husbands point of view. My husband dealt with jetlag alot, fortunatly yours won't have that issue... the travel itself for your husband probably won't be that bad at all.
My husbands co paid for all his expenses however. He stayed in the best hotels and ate fantastic meals on the co's dollar. If you will have to incur that cost it could put a strain on the relationship financially causing arguments that way and he could resent that you have the comforts of home while he's living in a little apartment and what not. On the flip side, I would sometimes get annoyed that he was off eating great meals and watching all the new movies out (since he had nothing better to do sometimes) while I was at home dining on mac and cheese and pulling my hair out with kids homework and housework.
Do you know if telecommuting some of the time is an option for him? If he could go 3 days a week and work from home 2 days that could work really well.
For the past yr and a half, I have run through all the pros and cons...My husband works close to 10 hour days, by choice. So theoretically when he is in LA working...the thought was at first that he just stay in an extended stay during the week(coming home on the weekends) for a month or so...that would be cheaper than an apt...then if he tires of doing that, then maybe progress to an apt being close by to work. He wouldnt have to drive 70 miles a day. I am hoping that there becomes more alternatives to him being able to work one or two days from a home office as we progress through the change, but right now, most of his work is done in the office. The costs of flying and rent would be out of our pocket. My husband makes a good salary in LA...one he couldnt make in Phx (he has worked there before)...I feel our overall cost of living will be cheaper living in AZ (everything here in CA is expensive), and over time as his salary increases...financially...I think it would be cheaper. We wouldnt have to pay the CA property taxes...but since he works in LA...I am sure Ca will get its piece of his income.
I am independant and there have been times when his jobs has had him traveling ALOT...like 2-3 weeks a month. With his mom close by, I have someone as backup if I needed her. I think at the end of the day...we would be happier living in AZ, for all the reasons I stated in my thread. My heart belongs in AZ. Everytime we visit my mother in law in Gilbert...I dont want to leave...I dread coming back to LA. It would be so nice just to be there and be done with moving again. My husband can have his great job (he loves his job) and I can a place where I can call home and be at peace with it. The challenge then is working around the commute from phx to LA.
Thank you all for the responses...I do believe at the end of the day...it is between my husband and myself and our committment to make work. Thank you Capt Bill and Iluvaz for your personal insights. I just pray really hard that things will find a way to work themselves out so that this can be a reality.
We lived in Gilbert 3 yrs ago...and loved it, didnt want to leave. My mother inlaw moved there to be close to us and she is still there, plus we have some other family there too. My husband has a great job in LA and drives 70 miles a day to get there and normally sits in 2 hrs of traffic to get home. We live in a decent suburb of LA....but it is nothing compared to Gilbert( absence of normal people and values lacking). I dont feel like I belong here...and long very much to be back in AZ. Since we have been here, we have discussed moving back to AZ while my husband commutes by plane twice a week. We bought at the high end of the market here and have a fairly high mortgage for a very small house...if we took our equity and bought a house in Gilbert our mortgage would be substantually smaller...more than half than what it is now. Granted some of that savings would go towards his commute costs...but still be cheaper than the mortgage amt.
we need some input/feedback from families and/or people who are doing this kind of lifestyle? Pros and cons
I'm not doing it NOW but have done it in the past. I liked it.
I used to work in Washington DC and live in the Midwest. It worked for me, and I avoided most of the hassles. I later moved, but did the commute thing for the better part of a year.
"...without all this superficial, entertainment industry crap all around."
At some time in the past, in this forum, someone told me that's what makes LA "world class", and hopefully Phoenix will emulate it more... I did get a good laugh out of that. There is a large group of wannabee movie stars around here, but their headquarters seems to be somewhere in my neighborhood, and they're an incestuous society, keeping the company of other like-minded types. So you're safe in Gilbert.
That aside...
...what I found about commuting by air, was that it took me hardly any more time to wake up, fly, park at the airport, land, and get to work in DC, than it would take me to live way out in the Virginia suburbs and drive to work, and I was not stressed. My company accommodated a flexible schedule so it worked perfectly. Once I moved out to the Mid Atlantic, I moved CLOSE to work to avoid the commute.
I don't know if your husband is commuting via private aircraft, in which case there is probably a more flexible travel schedule involved.
There are ALWAYS options, but it depends on what you want most. That could be money, lifestyle, location, or cost of living. As you know, those things do not usually come together in one nice package, so you have to make sacrifices somewhere. Pay more, live closer. Pay less, commute more. Live in a small house for a high price. The list goes on.
Therefore, if you have evaluated these options, and your husband doesn't mind, go for it.
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