Quality of men in the Phoenix area. (buying, live in)

[singlegirlinaz]

We hear a lot from guys how hot and attractive the women are in the Valley of the sun but let’s talk about the men.

I’m 30F and single, have a decent-paying job and reasonably attractive. I’d like to meet a nice looking gentleman with a decent job himself. I prefer white-collar guys who dress nice, not necessarily suit and tie but better than t-shirts, jeans, shorts, or sandals.

I know this is going to be a long post, it might come across a bit judgmental but I’m prepared for some reaction. From my perspective the quality of single available men around my age is awful around here and not at all to my liking. Let me explain.

I belong to a gym and go out on occasion with friends but I’m not heavily into the club or bar scene. Sometimes I get approached by guys but their appearance and personality are never to my liking. Most of them are covered in tattoos or piercings and are really un-gentleman like in their approach. None of them are very nice dressers and some of them look like street bums. Even with these bad qualities some of them still act conceited, especially some guys I've seen in the gym.

Then there’s the kind of cars they drive like the huge lifted trucks, and they somehow they think it looks cool. I have news for the guys who drive those behemoths, you’re not cool and you’re not attractive!

I have an on line profile and I met a few guys in the area but they seem to be as bad or worse than meeting them off line.

Case in point, a few months ago I went out with a guy I met on line who seemed nice and reasonably attractive in his profile, but when we met he was dressed in dirty work clothes and said he didn’t have time to shower. He tried to be a gentleman but he ruined it by belching out loud and we both knew we weren’t connecting. There was no hostility but when he left I stuck around to see what kind of car he drove and you guessed it, it was a huge Ford F350 lifted pickup.

Is this bad quality of men my age commonplace in the Phoenix Valley or is it a growing trend all over America?

[KurtAZ]

Sounds like you are attracting the wrong guys...my mid-30s brother has plenty of "normal" friends...not wannabe cage fighters. Understand also that a lot of this contingent migrated over from the Inland Empire in CA, so the Rockstar/Monster/Energy Drink guy with tats, lifted truck and dirt bikes/boat was pretty much the norm. I have heard that the dating scene is pretty lackluster here but I will let some of the younger posters on here address that.

My mom always used to tell us...if you fish in the toilet, don't be surprised when all you pull in are turds.

[ghdana]

Safe to assume you live in the West Valley or very very East Valley?

[Diane de Poitiers]

Just to add a few of my thoughts on this......occasionally I browse the "men seeking women" section of a particular dating site, and I'd honestly have to say that 90% of the ads posted are from guys who are "unhappily married", "looking for FWB-type situation",....etc., and very few seem to be looking for a serious/committed relationship.

[raindance maggie]

Originally Posted by singlegirlinaz

We hear a lot from guys how hot and attractive the women are in the Valley of the sun but let’s talk about the men.

I’m 30F and single, have a decent-paying job and reasonably attractive. I’d like to meet a nice looking gentleman with a decent job himself. I prefer white-collar guys who dress nice, not necessarily suit and tie but better than t-shirts, jeans, shorts, or sandals.

I know this is going to be a long post, it might come across a bit judgmental but I’m prepared for some reaction. From my perspective the quality of single available men around my age is awful around here and not at all to my liking. Let me explain.

I belong to a gym and go out on occasion with friends but I’m not heavily into the club or bar scene. Sometimes I get approached by guys but their appearance and personality are never to my liking. Most of them are covered in tattoos or piercings and are really un-gentleman like in their approach. None of them are very nice dressers and some of them look like street bums. Even with these bad qualities some of them still act conceited, especially some guys I've seen in the gym.

Then there’s the kind of cars they drive like the huge lifted trucks, and they somehow they think it looks cool. I have news for the guys who drive those behemoths, you’re not cool and you’re not attractive!

I have an on line profile and I met a few guys in the area but they seem to be as bad or worse than meeting them off line.

Case in point, a few months ago I went out with a guy I met on line who seemed nice and reasonably attractive in his profile, but when we met he was dressed in dirty work clothes and said he didn’t have time to shower. He tried to be a gentleman but he ruined it by belching out loud and we both knew we weren’t connecting. There was no hostility but when he left I stuck around to see what kind of car he drove and you guessed it, it was a huge Ford F350 lifted pickup.

Is this bad quality of men my age commonplace in the Phoenix Valley or is it a growing trend all over America?

I'm happily married so I don't care about meeting men for dating or socializing but I can relate to some of the things you said.
Many guys your age are really into themselves and think they're a gift to women but I have no use for anyone-male or female-with tattoos covering their arms or much of their bodies either. It's a difference in the generations, the younger generation think it looks hot but I and many other people think it looks disgusting!
Now for some friendly advice----
I snooped on your profile and read a few of your posts and came across one that said you don't feel comfortable approaching a guy. This might be part of your problem.
Not every male fits the low-class thugster description you posted. For every jerk out there I'm sure there are many decent guys even your age who have careers and act gentlemantly. If you see a guy you like who meets your expectations then by all means you should make the approach. There is no rule saying men always have to make the 1st move.

[DrDog]

Originally Posted by KurtAZ

Sounds like you are attracting the wrong guys...my mid-30s brother has plenty of "normal" friends...not wannabe cage fighters. Understand also that a lot of this contingent migrated over from the Inland Empire in CA, so the Rockstar/Monster/Energy Drink guy with tats, lifted truck and dirt bikes/boat was pretty much the norm. I have heard that the dating scene is pretty lackluster here but I will let some of the younger posters on here address that.

My mom always used to tell us...if you fish in the toilet, don't be surprised when all you pull in are turds.

Not really fair to blame this on California. Most of these guys were born and raised here.

[Bird Street]

I like the belching out loud stuff. Maybe you could send all the details to Fox as a possibility for an episode of The Simpsons. Real classy.

[drinkthekoolaid]

As a guy who probably fits your description of what you are seeking (I'm very happily married so literally just trying to have a random honest conversation) perhaps you are looking for guys in the wrong place or you are doing something to put them off.

I don't know you from anyone else but no matter how attractive the girl was I wouldn't even bother if she came off as entitled or conceited. Picking up a girl in a gym isn't a good plan for any sort of long lasting meaningful relationship. Most guys ( that you seem to be looking for) probably know this already. (just the same as you aren't Picking guys up at the gym)

Try to network out with friends, and friends of friends or acquaintances. I get that it's not realistic to go meet guys at the library or church but the gym, clubs, bars probably aren't either. If you use your social circle then you have already weeded out the "for sure no's" and probably have some decent guys to pick from and get to know.

There honestly are a lot of good guys out there. Some of them genuinely might be shy, maybe intimidated by something you do, put off by something you do or just don't hang around at the same events and locations that you frequent. I'm sure you can find a good guy you just have to come up with a different plan.

I know this sounds dumb or cliche, but simple things go a long way. Give off a good vibe. If you see a guy that fits your criteria smile at him. Let him know that your friendly and inviting to talk to and approach. Strike up random conversations waiting in line at the super market or buying a coffee.

I might have read your situation all wrong so take my advice with a grain of salt. Good luck

[Minntoaz]

I got married in my early 20's, I'm still in my 20's and I swore I'd never marry an Arizona or California guy for the aforementioned reasons (judgmental much? Yeah maybe but I wasn't happy with what I saw and I'm from the Midwest so very traditional). I did meet my husband in Arizona but he's from PNW. But definitely never a gym guy- any guy trying to get with a girl at the gym is not going to be to classy.

Try outdoorsy type stuff, go to the park, hiking, etc; I'm like you and would never approach a guy. Oftentimes men would start conversation at Barnes and noble or Starbucks or target or the park. Body language is everything. If you have an open demeanor you'd be shocked how many conversations will open up.

[Nate4635]

I once had an old truck, it was missing a few hubcaps. A/C worked though!

Anyway, that was my first date ride. I'd leave the sports car in the garage and pick them up in that.

It was a pretty good way to meet some down to earth girls and get some pretty funny reactions on the 2nd date.



I'm 33, and just moved to PHX - so haven't yet really tried out the dating scene yet.

But when I get discouraged (at anything), I find it easier to blame myself than anything else, because I can change me, but I can't change the dating scene.

I've tried to not think "How do I talk to that cute girl", instead I try to think "How can I be the kind of guy that cute girl wants to talk to"

And I think I've found it. I have too many hobbies, great friends, no debt, and am having an absolute blast. That attracts people. People like happy people who are awesome.

So just go be awesome and guys will notice. But it has to be genuine, trust me, we know

Online dating is garbage. Its lazy, and you will meet lazy people. Its the millennial "I don't know the answer so I'll google it" response to dating.


Girls aren't chasing the pizza delivery driver who dresses like he's 16... Cute well dressed career driven men are off getting married, what are you doing?