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cut 6" off your driveway and put up a fence, problem solved
I am afraid that will open a new can of worms. He has a truck. If I put up a fence, it will most likely not allow him enough room to use the driveway at all. The space of the driveways between both houses (the middle of the driveways) isn't wide enough and even 6" on my driveway would probably make it impossible with the mirrors on the truck to come down the driveway.
I thank you for your response and input. If only it were that easy
The neighbor sounds like a guy who has lived in that house for a long time and it just set in his ways on how he handles the driveway or the previous owner of your house got along better with the neighbor and they were in sync on how to use the driveway.
Personally, if I see any house with a shared driveway and I don't even bother. Too much hassle, IMO. I would find a way to put some kind of fence up and make sure you get all the needed permit because the neighbor sounds like the type who would make a stink about it.
You are right. The man has lived here since 1965 when the houses were built. I bought the house from the original owner who had also lived here since 1965 when this somewhat small street of houses were first built.
The day that I met this man he said to me sternly, "This is not a communal driveway." Those words and his tone told me right off the bat that he had problems with the previous owners. I just thought to myself, okay his driveway is his baby, so don't touch it. Be a better neighbor than the previous owners were and respect this man and his property. I was raised to treat people the way I want to be treated. He and his wife are probably 15 years older than me. I respect my elders and treat them how I would want someone to treat my parents. I have bent over backwards to abide by this mans' rules. I think sometimes that he thinks he's my landlord.
I honestly appreciate your feedback. Ten years ago, I was "ignorant" to any problems that might arise with a driveway. I hope that someone who is younger sees my post and decides not to buy a house without fences and boundaries.
I've lived with a common wall and adjacent driveways for something like 15 years. I turns out that land, foundations, utility connections, and pavement all cost a whole bunch of money and that you can have a much nicer house for the same money if you share parts of them with other people. It hasn't been much of a problem. Certainly less of a problem than finding out a day to get all the extra money someplace more separated might have cost.
OP, I am so very sorry for the misery you have to endure!
There is no way in hell I will/have ever considered sharing anything with a neighbor related to my home, their home... I see duplexes with shared walls/roofs and think yeah, you just spent $250k to hear your neighbor, and what happens when the shared roof needs to be repaired/redone... What, are you going to only re-shingle your half? Same for driveways; currently I'm looking to buy a home, and the very first item I look at is the drive... Instantly the home gets removed if I have to use a shared lane/drive, or cross a property line to get to my home. Yep, you will hear "well, the neighbor always clears the snow/repairs his drive, never cared about you on their property, so it's never been an issue"... Until they die or move away. Too close of a drive as the OP has, can also mean a real PITA when simply needing to shovel snow... It means you have to shovel to one side, and that can really stink in some situations.
I have even seen worse; folks who buy a home with a shared well. Yeah, lets see how cooperative everyone is when a huge bill comes due to fix/maintain/energy use for the well... Madness. It's hard enough at times to simply live near some neighbors, let alone share/be so close to them that friction starts. Nice of you OP to use your example as a warning to others. Thanks.
I am afraid that will open a new can of worms. He has a truck. If I put up a fence, it will most likely not allow him enough room to use the driveway at all. The space of the driveways between both houses (the middle of the driveways) isn't wide enough and even 6" on my driveway would probably make it impossible with the mirrors on the truck to come down the driveway.
I thank you for your response and input. If only it were that easy
If the hypothetical fence was built entirely on your side of the land, you should no longer care whatsoever if he could not get down his driveway. That's his problem. That was something to care about in year one when giving people the benefit of the doubt and trying to build good relationships, but after years of abuse, those concerns should be long gone. You've been far too nice, and you are letting yourself be bullied by an elderly man. He sets things up so that water drains entirely on to your property, and you're concerned about his truck mirrors. He's abusing you and your property, and you're still making concessions to him.
I am afraid that will open a new can of worms. He has a truck. If I put up a fence, it will most likely not allow him enough room to use the driveway at all. The space of the driveways between both houses (the middle of the driveways) isn't wide enough and even 6" on my driveway would probably make it impossible with the mirrors on the truck to come down the driveway.
I thank you for your response and input. If only it were that easy
you are too nice of a person, i would have torn the mirrors off a long time ago. you are the neighbor that i wish i have.
OP, you're the good neighbor every other good neighbor would love to have. I'm like you and bend over backwards to avoid conflict, and like you, I get the shaft most times. I just try my best and try not to make myself sick. Wishing you the best, and sorry I have no advice.
Does your deed say anything about the driveway being shared by both property owners? That's a common thing. If so, grumpy neighbor has no business telling you to keep to your side and vice versa.
There MUST be many situations where people do get along after a disagreement. Maybe we only hear about the one in a hundred where there is only resulting friction between the neighbors.
That being said - I am w/ Copanut: I will never share a driveway, a structure itself (duplex), and if it's one of those deals where the backyards mesh together, a fence is going to go up.
Cam1957, I truly am sad for your stress. (I've had my share of idiot neighbors). Understand that it is NOT your doing - this is a man with deep emotional issues that were never resolved, and he is picking on someone he perceives as weaker than himself (I am assuming you are a woman, hence his bullying).
I hope you do not stop caring for neighbors because of this one bully.
But you know, it doesn't sound THAT bad. He is not compromising your safety, or anyone else's it sounds like. Would you agree that it's just about your feelings, your pride, which are bruised? (and there is nothing wrong with that).
You must change your tone when dealing with him. From your post, it sounds like you are a spiritual person, and one that is trying not to be a hypocrite, so you are being respectful and kind at all times. I have to tell you you would NOT be out of line if you did stand up for yourself and vent to the ogre. You DO have a right to do that.
Now, I'm not saying to go all Hebrew and sling a big stone at his head (but if you DO, please video it and share!), but the "turning the cheek" depends on the context. It does NOT mean to just take abuse constantly.
Realize its what you do with your anger or frustration that keeps you a good, sane person. Let it stew? Just smother it? Neither of those are healthy.
Tell him, YELL at him, that he is simply being so....so...so "PHILISTINE"!!! (reference to another thread)
Sometimes, that it all it takes for someone to realize they are being a total @#$%. He probably never had anyone tell him he is a big jerk.
Good luck.
I am new to this and trying to figure out how to reply back to people. I don't know if I should have put your whole post in my reply to it. I'm trying and I'm sure I'm making mistakes, but I'll learn.
My feelings are definitely hurt. Last winter the snow plow had finished on our street. My neighbor went into the middle of the street and flagged him down. He went and was talking to the driver. The next thing I see is my neighbor jumping out of the way of the plow truck as the truck was backing up. He almost fell trying to get out of the way! The next thing I see is the snow plow re-plowing a pile of snow almost to the bumper of my sons' jeep which is parked on the street. I was dumbfounded. I'm probably the most non-confrontational person I've ever known. I did nothing. I made myself sick worrying why he would do that. We've always had a good neighborly relationship even though he's a stickler with his driveway. I called his wife to see if he was mad at me for not shoveling my driveway and she told me that he wasn't. I thought everything was fine between us, but I knew he was punishing me for not shoveling my driveway. I turned the other cheek.
The cable guy had to come to my house for something and he had a hard time parking because of the pile of snow. He wasn't a happy camper and I told him what had gone on. He said he was going to talk to the borough because that pile of snow didn't allow him easy access to the utility pole that he needed to get up on. He said he wouldn't shovel his driveway if he didn't use his and said my neighbor was a jerk, but the plow driver shouldn't have re-plowed the snow there.
Spring came and everything was normal. We're talking to each other and life is fine. I'm working in my back yard this summer and realize that a section of my yard is falling. I've noticed that it gets mushy there sometimes. My neighbor even told me that I probably had a mole problem. I bought poison and also a mole trap and nothing. I did notice this fall that when it rains hard, all of the rain comes down both driveways and hits the log that he has at the bottom of his driveway and drains into my yard. I look at where my yard is eroding and realize that it's probably from the drainage of both driveways. They have a second home in North Carolina (a million dollar home) and aren't here during the fall, so I can't talk to him about the problem. I just think I'll talk to him in the spring.
If that log was put there intentionally by him so there is no drainage to his property, but damage is being done to mine, then the value of my property is going down. This can be a major financial problem for me.
Winter is here now and the first snow melted. My son and I went grocery shopping and when we came home there was a pile of mulch neatly placed in my grass. There was no trail of mulch droppings across my walkway, so a cat or a deer didn't do it. I yelled "Son of a B****" and the next thing I hear is a klink sound. My neighbor has one of those mail slots in his door and he must have been listening and slammed it down after I yelled. I didn't touch the mulch. I'll leave it there until Spring.
You're right, I'm going to have to stand up to him, but I don't want to go bat sh** crazy on him. I want to be calm and respectful to him. I want to find a resolution that will work for both of us. This "prank" pulling that he is doing is most definitely bullying. I am weaker, so I hope it makes him feel like a real man to pull childish pranks on someone who has been nothing but kind and respectful to him, his property and his wife. We all have our limits. Regardless of what he does to me, I won't play this game, nor will I vandalize or disrespect him or his property in any way.
I am a spiritual person. I know that I learn something from every experience in life and will have something positive come out of this eventually. I know that things can always be worse, no matter how bad we think we have it. I know that I'm a good honest person, but most importantly God knows I'm doing my best.
My cousin went through a worse situation with her neighbor, so I am venting to her. My anger is going to be funneled into a project in the house. I'm hurting myself by allowing this situation make me sick.
I won't stop caring about neighbors over this. I have learned that sometimes you just can't please some people. I can't even hate this man.
I think my biggest problem was finding out that he's an underhanded sneak.
Thank you for your insight and your empathy. I'm lucky that I came across this site and you're all helping me.
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You're right bmantz65
(reference to another thread) 
