...with special emphasis on how that affects relationships.
This thread was inspired by a dream I had
. I was walking across the campus of our local university (as part of a much longer and more complex dream) and I came across a young guy giving a talk to a group of 30/40/50 year olds. He had a long list up on a whiteboard or something, of wrongs done to men. The only item on it that I remember had to do with war.
I asked him (this did not feel like an interruption, the way it would IRL), 'Is this list about sexism?' He saw that I had tears in my eyes from reading the list, and he looked at his audience and they all did. He said, 'Are you guys making fun of me? Did you plan this?'
I woke up and I thought., 'That was a dream about CDR!' The paranoia, the lack of belief that people might actually
care. Anyway, then I thought, 'You know, it's not a half-bad idea for a thread
'.
--
So, here are my thoughts, and please add yours:
- The way more men than women are sent to war. The draft. Veterans and their families can speak to this better than I can, but I imagine the physical and emotional wounds have a huge effect on relationships, lifelong.
- The larger picture that war is a part of: The idea that men are the expendable sex. That they should work the most dangerous jobs -- physically or in terms of mental stress. The injuries, deaths, and heart attacks. Never seeing the kids.
- The idea that men are valued in a relationship for what they do, not what they are. The pressure to value themselves for what they produce, or how much money they have.
- The pressure to pretend all their emotional needs are really a need for sex. Touch, closeness, emotional intimacy, being understood...
- The pressure to be extremely sexual all the time. I remember the bitterness in a male friend's voice one time, when I asked him why he hadn't said no in a situation he was complaining about
: 'Men can't say no to sex'. Like it wasn't allowed. Or the way men don't let each other, or themselves, heal from a broken heart, but instead put on the pressure to 'get back out there' within, like, a
week.
-Sexism also says that men's sexuality is 'evil', that every man is a potential rapist, that seeing a woman and desiring her is somehow an assault. (This item contradicts the one above, but both are true, IME. Societal oppressions don't make logical sense.)
- Having to do almost all the initiating in dating. I didn't know, until I came to this forum, how painful this is to many men. How it makes them feel undesired.
- The lack of an organised movement for men (besides the misogynist one). This is different, because it's not a result of codified laws or mores, but I still think it is a result of sexism, of the idea that men are competition to each other, not support. Women had to get past a similar societal idea, to form second wave feminism. This makes men feel so alone, I think, not having a name for what they experience.
--
So, this is the kind of stuff feminists think about, for those who don't know. We don't hate men; we love men. (Many of us
are men, and most of the rest are hetero or bi women.) We just hate sexism, wherever we see it.
--
Alright people, what else belongs on this list? My hands are sore from typing!
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
