Oh cry me a river of tears of false indignation
Oh the horrors of being middle-class white christian people in America around December 25th. It's almost as though you couldn't travel 25 feet without running into tinsel or shiny flickering lights adoring trees, bushes, houses, and an otherwise nude Mrs Claus when she's feeling particularly jolly. Manger scenes in every other yard. Churches somehow still prominently displaying crosses adorned with snow, somehow not burnt to the ground in this ever-damned post-Christian hellscape. The rapture, of course, being nigh. These are the end times. I read about it in a book written by a person with actual Biblical training, therefore it must be the word of god.
But yes, the suffering, the unimaginable horror of being a Christian in a predominantly Christian country, with legal protections for religious freedom, speech, and private display (private as in, in public view on your private property). It is as though you couldn't walk into any store with shelves in America and buy several different flavors of candied cane.
I weep for the plight of the harried and noble Christian culture warrior, whose very existence is being threatened by the political might of all those great many atheists holding publicly elected office, whose campaign war chests surely dwarf the meager pockets of the few, the proud, the churchgoing.
I sadly drip tears of unimaginable sorrow when I think of all those state constitutions that require people to swear their non-belief in god in order to even legally hold public office. Thank goodness the Constitution of the United States overrides that insidious attempt by the power-hungry non-believers out there to prevent good and noble Christians from serving the country that they love, in spite of the fact that no politician would ever pander to them disingenuously by saying how much they support traditional family values while boinking mistresses, prostitutes, and the occasional bathroom stall buddy or rent-a-boy.
Woe! Woe and lamentation for those poor, poor children unable to find the word of Christ anywhere but at their home, at their friend's houses, and at church, and literally everywhere else but the few schools who have decided on a more secular path!
Why, the fact that a few schools have gone all the way toward acknowledging that Christians are not, in fact, the entire demographic of America, nor the triumphant and benevolent shepherds and overlords of civilized history, means that Christians now fully understand what it is to be oppressed.
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