Quote:
Originally Posted by GotHereQuickAsICould
The Right's fascination with bodily functions never ceases to amaze.
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Scene: A shipwreck on the high seas. The water flies like smoke, the masts of a larger vessel poke up from the turbid sea. A liferaft is being tossed about. Out of the murk comes a Coast Guard helicopter. A rescue swimmer jumps into the ocean and approaches the liferaft, where a sole survivor is shivering with cold, but still trying to get on Twitter.
RESCUE SWIMMER (loud): I'm Dave and I'll be your rescue swimmer today. We have to hurry, the pilot is worried about fuel and the weather is deteriorating. Can you get out of the raft and into the winch basket?
TRUMP VOTER (in raft): Not so fast! I need to know about the bathroom situation.
RS: Sir, what? We have heads on the cutter, but I need you to get out of the raft!
TV: Well, you look like a strappin' man, so I'm not worried about you. Stand-up guy, and I mean that literally. What about the pilot? Does he use a gender-appropriate bathroom, and how? One hears rumors...
RS: Sir, this is a serious situation! What does bathrooms have to do with it?
TV: I'm not getting in a helicopter with people whose sexual orientation and gender identity isn't explained to me in terms I feel comfortable with. I vote! I have rights!
RS: Sir, we have to leave!
TV: That's not the behavior of someone with nothing to hide. It's a perfectly simple question - funnel or sitting down?
RS: Whaat?
TV: FUNNEL OR SITTING DOWN? Never mind, tell your so-called "Admiral" to send a helicopter with gender-appropriate crew next time.
RS visibly gives up, gets in basket, signals winchman, is hoisted. Helicopter leaves.
TV, settling back in raft: That'll learn them.
TV keeps checking for tweets as the storm increases.