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One thing I have heard is life is “easier” for some Black women who date white men. One actually said its much nicer to come home and not have to hear about race when they get home because their white mates aren’t going to have those stories of discrimination (unless its one of those snowflakey white dudes).
I have a family member who married white and divorced. She is now married to another white man. Both of them made less money than she did and she was able to “control” them.
I dated a mixed girl and her mom was Black, dad was white. She said her mom admitted she only married him to get out of the hood and once she left for college she felt her mom was going to divorce her dad.
The reality is there are multiple reasons some will date white and it can be for love, security, etc.. we really wont know.
and I had a few GF’s in HS that were white. Every last one of them were threatened with violence or were physically attacked by their fathers or grandfathers. This was in the burbs of Pittsburgh.
But to this day you will see tons of mixed children in western PA.
There is a joke that goes “I’m from Pittsburgh, where white grandparents hate Black men but love their mixed grandchildren”
I've never heard any Black woman say that, when it comes to dating White men. This is a first for me. I've heard stories about some Black women dating/marrying White men because they wanted mixed children. I've heard rumors about viewing White men as being better than Black men. Nothing about trying to escape hearing about race.
My younger sister has basically dated White guys. I don't know what part middle school trauma played, but I've never seen here with Black males. My sister grew up getting teased by other Black girls for "not being Black enough". My sister was that Black girl who was in marching band (in a 90% White middle school/85% White high school). She was described as a "white girl" or "weirdo". She hardly ever hung out with any Black people (particularly other females). She actually had more Black male friends than Black female friends. She tended to gravitate towards the "weird White kids" type of crowd. The guys my sister dated were the "slacker" types. My sister was never combative towards her boyfriends, as far as I know. However, she seemed to be the one who could call the shots if she wanted to. For some strange reason, my sister was always the "leader" among her group of friends.
Oddly, I never had any White girlfriends. In fact, I went through high school (and college) without ever having a girlfriend, period. I never did well with women at all. I was "the friend" but never the boyfriend. I'm also 5'5", so being short didn't always prove advantageous. I lived in an exurban area 25 miles west of Atlanta. Many of the females there liked guys who had a bit of a roughneck edge to them. Being kind of a nerdy, bookish type (I could be athletic as well, as I ran track) didn't lend itself that well to where I was living during middle school and high school. It also made it very hard for me to relate to many of the kids there.
Going to high school during the early 2000s (2000-2004), there were many White females who were literally told "no Black males, period". Some of the few Hispanic males in my high school could date White girls without it being a big deal. Black males were considered a no-no. In fact, several girls were told by their parents they would be disowned if they brought home a Black guy. I dealt with alot of racism in high school. However, it never occurred to be that interracial dating would still be considered taboo until I got told "interracial dating is wrong" by one person. And then I started hearing stories from a few White girls who got in trouble for dating Black guys. Now, having dealt with some of that living in the South (the outskirts of metro Atlanta, 50 minutes from the border with Alabama), this will segue into the next paragraph.
I have been trying to really hard to figure out western Pennsylvania. I know Pittsburgh fell on some hard times in the 1980s. However, coming to city-data, this has been an eye opener for me. It doesn't surprise me to see alot of racist comments on city-data. However, I started picking up a pattern. A relatively high proportion of those posting some really racially charged stuff here come from western Pennsylvania, particularly around the Pittsburgh area. I've also noticed that Pittsburgh has one of the poorest Black populations in the USA, not to mention many among its Black middle class has been leaving for Atlanta, DC, and Dallas. I brought this up because of what you just said about some of your old girlfriends being threatened with violence by their fathers and grandfathers. I keep asking myself "what is up with the PGH area"? It was voted one of the most livable cities in America, and on the flip side, one of the worst cities for Blacks to live in. I've brought it up many times, and very few people have any answers.
Considering some of the trauma I went through, it left me considering a move away from the South. One thing I do not want to deal with is disappointment. I don't want to go somewhere only to be disappointed and let down. I still live in the South now.
I know about the sizable number of mixed-race kids in parts of Appalachia. It's kind of interesting when I think about it. And in some places in the South I have seen mixed-race kids with their grandparents. In the last decade, I have seen the number of mixed race kids go up.
I think adults should marry the adults that they fall in love with and can build a life together with. Simple as that.
I agree. People can marry whomever they want to marry, regardless of their race. To suggest that people should be limited to marrying their own race only is wrong.
Growing up in a military family environment, it was normal to be in a mixed racial setting.
Both of my brothers are married to white women... strangely enough, one of my sisters-in-law is from the Pittsburgh area.
I am married to a black woman, my sister married to a black guy.
I think it bothered my mom for a bit, but ultimately if you are in with the family, you are good to go.
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There is definitely going to be a decline of black men, and black culture as it is if the trend continues. And maybe black culture does need to change - if this is the result.
Good point. Im a person of color. I'm in an relationship with a black American woman. I'm afro latino mixed race. My woman told me if we don't work out. She is going back to white men. She once was going to marry a black man, and she pounded that engagement ring right away. Me being light skin and my wrong doings has not gotten me kicked to the curb yet. However I agree with David carroll.
Man, if I heard something like that I would tell that woman to go kick rocks. It’s kinda weird you mention this so casually.
Good point. Im a person of color. I'm in an relationship with a black American woman. I'm afro latino mixed race. My woman told me if we don't work out. She is going back to white men. She once was going to marry a black man, and she pounded that engagement ring right away. Me being light skin and my wrong doings has not gotten me kicked to the curb yet. However I agree with David carroll.
Yeah, crappy thing to say to someone.
I'm a white guy and I wouldn't want a want some woman to be with me specifically because of being a white guy.
I don't like people that think like that, no matter what direction it goes.
I haven't read the thread, and I am white and find the subject interesting.
I am of the mind now in my old age, that I am not as pious and good as I once thought I was. For example, I used to look down on parents in very poor countries selling their daughters to bars - now I understand that is an extreme survival move.
I think if you are smart, and you want to survive (and thrive), you will do anything you can do to improve your odds in life.
I doubt if many black women seek out white men for marriage - the couples are probably created more organically through attraction, but if they are doing this as a survival strategy, I don't think it's wrong - I think it's smart (not that white guys are *better* than black guys, but because racism is still such an issue, many who marry white guys might have an easier time in life).
Every single thing in life is transactional, and this is just another example.
I do think the organic mate attraction/selection process is mostly unconscious, but I would love to learn more about it from the black women who are making the choices. Would love to hear their stories.
Last edited by thinkingandwondering; 04-11-2022 at 02:55 PM..
I haven't read the thread, and I am white and find the subject interesting.
I am of the mind now in my old age, that I am not as pious and good as I once thought I was. For example, I used to look down on parents in very poor countries selling their daughters to bars - now I understand that is an extreme survival move.
I think if you are smart, and you want to survive (and thrive), you will do anything you can do to improve your odds in life.
I doubt if many black women seek out white men for marriage - the couples are probably created more organically through attraction, but if they are doing this as a survival strategy, I don't think it's wrong - I think it's smart (not that white guys are *better* than black guys, but because racism is still such an issue, many who marry white guys might have an easier time in life.
Every single thing in life is transactional, and this is just another example.
I do think the organic mate attraction/selection process is mostly unconscious, but I would love to learn more about it from the black women who are making the choices. Would love to hear their stories.
From what I've heard and read black women are going to college and getting degrees at a higher rate than their black male counterparts.
The organic meeting as you've said could be related to going to college and or entering the workforce and being more exposed to white men in their circle.
Just guessing but that's probably what is behind more black women with white or non-black men in general. I doubt that black women all of the sudden find black men more unattractive to them for whatever reason.
If black women want to marry white men, they’re going to have to be a lot less hostile.
An interesting statistic is that marriages between black women and white men, are the most successful long-lasting marriages of any kind - more than white-white marriages which mostly end in divorce.
From what I've heard and read black women are going to college and getting degrees at a higher rate than their black male counterparts.
The organic meeting as you've said could be related to going to college and or entering the workforce and being more exposed to white men in their circle.
Just guessing but that's probably what is behind more black women with white or non-black men in general. I doubt that black women all of the sudden find black men more unattractive to them for whatever reason.
Around 35% of Black women compared to around 25% of Black men. Although college itself is probably no longer find your mate time of life as people wait longer social class and who you will be around later is by large set by the level of educational achievement.
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