Is it easy to make friends in Portland? (Salem, Hillsboro: fit in, home)

[TygrrEyzz]

I have heard many different things about Portland's personalities from many different people on this forum so far. But now I would like to chance to narrow down and pin-point the question: What's it like trying to make friends in Portland? I know the basics... That I'll need to put myself out there. Maybe join clubs, go to fun bars, ect. But are people open to making friends or are they closed off? Are Portland people friendly for the most part? I have a feeling this thread is going to get many different responses! I am 24 years old. I am in a long term relationship but not married. I have no children. I am a student. I love nature, photography, reading and writing. I will party occasionally. I love hiking and everything that has to do with the outdoors. What are my chances of making some really great friends out there? And what do you think I should do in order to find these people?

[Hegotsoul831]

Originally Posted by TygrrEyzz

I'll need to put myself out there. Maybe join clubs, go to fun bars, ect. But are people open to making friends or are they closed off? ...what do you think I should do in order to find these people?

I think it is a wonderful environment for spawning friendships, in spite of the scare stories I heard about Oregon being anti-black, before going there in 2007-08. I met many wonderful helpful people between Albany, Salem, Hillsboro and Portland. Just smile and be the friendly person you seem to be. And I think if you are also doing the things mentioned above, youre off to a great start! Good Luck!

[Metlakatla]

You'll be fine; just follow your interests. A lot is said here on this forum about the so called "Portland freeze" but I don't think it really exists except in the minds of those who are trying too hard to "fit in".

A lot of people seem to overthink the whole social deal in the PNW. Do the things that make you happy and find some neighborhood places that you like and the rest will take care of itself.

[philwithbeard]

1- I am convinced that anyone can start a conversation with just about anybody in the Portland area (like at bus stops, grocery stores, other customers at coffee shops) and the conversation will last about 90 seconds, 2 minutes tops. Congenial, friendly, and usually informative. Don't be shy, but use your own judgment as to who to start a conversation with.

2- Most Portlanders are very polite, many will say Thank-you to their bus drivers when they exit a bus. If they see visitors with a camera around their necks, many in Portland will offer to take a picture of the visitors and then tell them of a someplace they should see to take more photos.

3- There is a web based social groups called Meetup dot com. Over 200 groups just in Portland for all kinds of interest. A couple just for newbies to Portland, and many, many others from Knitting & Tea, to hikes, bikes, and whatever. Start with joining the group 'Anyone Can Join' which is the largest and has the most general activities going on. Hint: only go to events that interest you, and search out events that people your own age bracket tend to go to. You will meet people, but it will take time for them to warm to you, as you should expect.

[SyraBrian]

This was a while ago, but I will tell you about my experiences with making friends in Portland.

I moved there in October of 1994. Almost immediately, I became good friends with the overnight guy who worked at the 7-11 across from the Hollywood Budget Inn I was staying at. Did a lot of fun things with him and kept in touch with him after I returned to Syracuse five months later. He straightened me out on the pronounciation of "Willamette", which I originally pronounced "Willa-met-tee".

Also, at my first job, I became good friends with a young man from Bangladesh. He lived in the ritzy part of town and we used to hang at his rather swanky residence and watch videos.

I also made friends at a karoake bar with a bunch of comedians with whom I used to do open-mike comedy. After standup and improv ended, we went upstairs and did the worst Portland karoake ever!

If you leave yourself open and follow your interests, you should be able to make at least a few Portland pals.

[Ryant]

Lol I used to say "Willa-met-tee" too. I agree with the meetup dot com comment. Especially if you like to hike. You'll find about 3 options every day on the weekend. You'll make more then enough friends in no time

[BLev555]

Another suggestion is to try the intramural sports out here. There are two companies that run them, Recess Time and Underdog Sports I believe. I played kickball for a couple seasons and made a lot of friends that way. May be easy for you and your boyfriend to join together and meet other couples in search of the same. Good luck!

[TygrrEyzz]

I LOVE all of these responses. I am beginning to feel a lot better about making friends in P.L. I've heard a lot of bad stuff about Portlanders being friendly at first but then incredibly closed off, making it almost impossible to make any real friends. But these responses give me a lot of hope! I especially like the fact that there is a website! Thank you every one!

[HonuMan]

I have a theory about the "[Fill in name of city] freeze." You grow up in a place. You make friends with the people you hang out with on a daily basis. This is especially true in high school and college, where you spend a lot of time with the same people, pursuing more or less the same agenda (i.e., studying to get that degree). You probably share certain cultural connections with them, such as the home sports teams, the local foods, and the places everyone goes to have fun. Then you graduate, and you and your friends get jobs, spouses, families, and all the time-consuming complications that go with them. Because of the bonds you formed with them over time, though, you're still friends, and you can get together with them at any time and pick up where you left off.

Then you move to another city. You don't know anyone there. To some extent, there are going to be cultural differences -- the things the locals take for granted that you don't know about and don't yet have a connection to. People are busy with their families, jobs, lives, and established circle of friends, and they need to be selective as to where they spend their free time. So while they may be polite to you, if you try to get closer, they have to decide whether you're someone with whom they click enough to invest the time it takes to develop a lasting friendship. A lot of people are going to say no (not to your face) -- not because they're unfriendly, but because of the investment in time. So you interpret it as the "[Fill in name of city] freeze," and decide that people aren't as friendly as where you came from. If you check out some of the other city forums, you'll read similar comments from newcomers.

When I moved to Portland in 1998, I thought that Portlanders were superficially friendly but difficult to become friends with. At some point, I realized that, after college, I'd only formed two lasting friendships in the city I moved here from. Those two were with people I met at a volunteer organization where I worked once a week for several years, so I spent a lot of time with them -- in other words, the same way I became friends with the people I met in high school and college. Two years after moving to Portland, I fell in love with a woman, married her, and took on two stepsons. I also became more serious about my career than I had been. Suddenly, I found myself on the other side of the equation. I'm always very friendly and polite to people, but I have limited free time, and I really have to hit it off with someone to want to spend the necessary time with them to build a friendship. Of course, the feeling has to be mutual, and the few people I really connect with have equally busy lives. I'm also an introvert with low social needs, as is my wife, so we're content to spend most of our free time with each other and our family. Over the years, though, we have developed a good circle of friends.

So my advice is to hang out at places and join social organizations with like-minded people -- people with common interests who are looking to make friends, and where you'll see each other on a regular basis. You should be able to forge some friendships in Portland.

That said, depending on your background and personality, you might find Portlanders to be friendly but a bit cool. At the risk of generalizing, I attribute it to the "Midwestern reserve" of the people who originally settled Portland. Since I come from that background, I found Portlanders to be very friendly. My Hawaiian wife, though, who likes to hug and gush over everyone she meets, originally found Portlanders to be cold and unfriendly. After I came to know her, and after spending much time in Hawaii, I understand her perspective. She eventually came to realize that it's just a cultural difference. She still prefers people who like to hug and be emotional, though, whereas my initial response when meeting someone is a handshake, a nod, and a smile. When I'm in Hawaii, though, I hug everyone.

[Yankeemama]

Great post, HonuMan! My mother came from Hawaii to Berkeley in the 60's and that's where she met my dad, who was from NYC. They settled in S.F. and they both thought it was a West Coast reserve kind of thing. They both met many friends over the years but they thought friendships just take more time to develop on the West coast compared to Oahu and NYZ. Thank again for your post!