My husband is "always right," 29 weeks pregnant (line, early, light)
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My husband and I are now around 29 weeks pregnant. Through out my pregnancy he's been very protective of me and he's getting to the point of overbearing. It just seems like I never do anything right. (This is the first child for both of us.)
When I was in my 1st trimester I was constantly tired... I woke up about 4:45 after not sleeping very well, worked from 5:30am to 1pm, came home and immediatley fell to sleep and woke up to make him dinner if I could around 4pm (my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't stand the smell of food for a few weeks so I didn't/couldn't cook or do dishes... I lived off saltine crackers and sugar free pudding.) then go right back to sleep and wake up at 4:45am to go to work again... I was sleeping around 15 hours a day. He said I wasn't doing enough, the dishes weren't done, his dinner wasn't cooked etc... so I actually had to call my mother over a few times to do our dishes because I couldn't without getting sick.
Now that I'm in my 3rd trimester I'm doing too much. I was put on to bed rest after going to the doctor to have swelling checked. They said I had very mild signs of preeclampsia BUT my blood pressure was amazing as it always has been. My doctor told me to go home and rest for a few days and if the swelling or other symptoms came back to call her. That was the 8th of July. On Saturday the 9th we went out of town on a trip (where all I had to do was walk from the car to a resteraunt, and back... and from the car to the hotel and back.) and since then I've been taking it easy around the house, not lifting things but since I'm starting to "nest" I've been going shopping which makes him mad because he says I HAVE to stay home, and lay in bed. The doctor just told me to take it easy, not that I was confined to bed. If I lift anything he gets upset with me, (a month ago I lifted an almost empty tool bag (had maybe 5 tools in it) that maybe weighed 8lbs and he went balistic and actually yelled at me.)
Anyway... this morning we were talking...I bought our baby boy an outfit that matches his dad's work gear (Carhartt overalls) and said how I'd like to get him a little pair of boots, bigger so that it didn't hurt his feet because a lot of people say not to put shoes on babies until they are actually walking... and he starts telling me how selfish I am because I'm not doing what the books says, and how I'm not doing what's best for our child and that I haven't been. I am the one carrying him, and doing all the research... if I feel just the slightest bit wrong I call the doctor. I just feel he's being an ass and I don't know why. Maybe it's the hormones but I'm just in tears... I'm trying not to let this stress me out for our baby's sake.
Did anyone else have this issue when they were pregnant?
No. Your husband sounds like an insensitive jerk.
Imagine how he's going to treat you when the baby is here. Has he always been like this towards you?
How long have you been married?
Best of luck. Don't let him walk all over you. And who's helping out around the house now that you have to lay in bed all day? I hope he's taking up the slack.
I sort of agree with CTR. I do know that some women get crazy sensitive or mean when they are pregnant. We knew a lady who by the second trimester hated the sight of her husband. His voice made her insanely angry so he pretty much lived in the guest room until after the baby was born, then everything went back to normal. Maybe you are a little sensitive. I don't know what you're husband was like before your pregnancy. Maybe you're just extra sensitive to it now.
If it is a big problem for you, you might consider seeing a counselor. I always recommend this for people having problems because it's helped my husband and I so much. I am so sorry you're hurting. I do wish there was more I could say to help. Sending you good thoughts.
I'm sorry you're husband is acting this way. Is this normal behavior for him? He sounds a bit perfectionist and a little on the controlling side.
Honestly I would look into counseling. It's not going to get any easier once the baby comes. It's near impossible to keep up with housework with a newborn in the house. I hope he has more realistic expectations about how things will go once the baby arrives and I hope he's willing to help out. I don't understand why putting shoes on the baby would bother him. There's no harm that can come from it.
Then I divorced the miserable, controlling, self-righteous, selfish, lazy pompous azz and married a REAL man - who insisted that I rest when I needed it, who would come home after a 24-hour shift of no sleep and do the dishes, clean the house, and take care of the oldest two so this pregnant mommy could sleep. He spoiled me rotten when I was pregnant, and has been a true partner ever since.
Any man that dictates in a marriage isn't in it for the partnership of raising a family, he's in it for the control. Any man who would expect his pregnant wife to continue to take care of his needs and wants while telling her that she is selfish, and not respecting her needs, wants, or even her thoughts and wishes, isn't worth keeping. A REAL man loves, respects, takes care of, and honors his wife, ESPECIALLY when she is carrying his child. Just as a leopard doesn't change his spots, this will not change even after the baby is born - unless it gets worse. If you are into abuse and disrespect, and think that you deserve it, by all means stay with him. Otherwise either get him to a counselor asap or start making plans to get away from him.
Bed rest is bed rest. Don't screw around with it; I delivered my daughter 4 weeks early b/c of preeclampsia. I had seizures. I had headaches. I had high blood pressure. I heeded the dr.s advice and warnings, and that meant no shopping, nothing on my feet.
I don't see him being "controlling" but I do see him reacting, potentially out of fear...fear that something could happen to you or the baby, and he wants you to take it easy. In any case, he is lacking a bit in coping skills.
So listen to your Drs. I was on bed rest with 2 of mine; it sucked but it's necessary for the health of the baby and me!
I hope that for your sake he is just nervous and stressed out. It is a difficult time for both of you. I would ask what the others have asked, is this typical behavior for him or something new? Try to have a talk with him. Sorry this is happening to you, unfortunately, after having the baby, it's not going to get any easier. Good luck.
I could barely get past the part where you had to call your mother over to help do dishes. Is there some reason HE couldn't help? I hope he decides to pitch in more when the baby arrives.
My husband and I are now around 29 weeks pregnant. Through out my pregnancy he's been very protective of me and he's getting to the point of overbearing. It just seems like I never do anything right. (This is the first child for both of us.)
When I was in my 1st trimester I was constantly tired... I woke up about 4:45 after not sleeping very well, worked from 5:30am to 1pm, came home and immediatley fell to sleep and woke up to make him dinner if I could around 4pm (my morning sickness was so bad I couldn't stand the smell of food for a few weeks so I didn't/couldn't cook or do dishes... I lived off saltine crackers and sugar free pudding.) then go right back to sleep and wake up at 4:45am to go to work again... I was sleeping around 15 hours a day. He said I wasn't doing enough, the dishes weren't done, his dinner wasn't cooked etc... so I actually had to call my mother over a few times to do our dishes because I couldn't without getting sick.
Now that I'm in my 3rd trimester I'm doing too much. I was put on to bed rest after going to the doctor to have swelling checked. They said I had very mild signs of preeclampsia BUT my blood pressure was amazing as it always has been. My doctor told me to go home and rest for a few days and if the swelling or other symptoms came back to call her. That was the 8th of July. On Saturday the 9th we went out of town on a trip (where all I had to do was walk from the car to a resteraunt, and back... and from the car to the hotel and back.) and since then I've been taking it easy around the house, not lifting things but since I'm starting to "nest" I've been going shopping which makes him mad because he says I HAVE to stay home, and lay in bed. The doctor just told me to take it easy, not that I was confined to bed. If I lift anything he gets upset with me, (a month ago I lifted an almost empty tool bag (had maybe 5 tools in it) that maybe weighed 8lbs and he went balistic and actually yelled at me.)
Anyway... this morning we were talking...I bought our baby boy an outfit that matches his dad's work gear (Carhartt overalls) and said how I'd like to get him a little pair of boots, bigger so that it didn't hurt his feet because a lot of people say not to put shoes on babies until they are actually walking... and he starts telling me how selfish I am because I'm not doing what the books says, and how I'm not doing what's best for our child and that I haven't been. I am the one carrying him, and doing all the research... if I feel just the slightest bit wrong I call the doctor. I just feel he's being an ass and I don't know why. Maybe it's the hormones but I'm just in tears... I'm trying not to let this stress me out for our baby's sake.
Did anyone else have this issue when they were pregnant?
first part I bolded - he's being an insenstive jerk. He couldn't even do his own dishes???
second part I bolded - Did you mean you were going to go out now and buy the baby boots that he's not going to wear until he's walking? That's at least a year from now. Your husband may be right here. shop on line if you feel the need, but take it easy, if the doctor told you to.
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