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Found out a few days ago through StepSon's facebook account that he and his girlfriend have gotten pregnant. They are both still in H.S., though SS is 18 and the girlfriend is 17. They have no job's, diploma's or driver's license. When confronted about the situation, he initially lied...lied...then finally admitted it. Apparently everyone in the girlfriends' family knew about the pregnancy, my stepson did not warrant us important enough for this info. The BioMother of my StepSon, myself and his dad (my husband)are disgusted by the fact that this was a PLANNED pregnancy and they want to get married. Yeah. My SS even posted to the girlfriend's mother that the pregnancy was NOT a mistake and he does not regret using a condom.
SS's BioMom and my husband decided it was best to ship his butt to another state to live with his grandmother and finish H.S. out there. His plane actually leaves tomorrow at 3pm.
The day after my husband and I confronted him, SS tells us his girlfriend had a miscarraige. Something smelled fishy to me so I logged into his email account (Ok'd by dad)and found that the day after the supposed miscariage, the girlfriend emailed a pic of an ultrasound.
Now some fact checking...SS said they had unprotected sex on July 25th and that they baby was going to be due on May 4th 2013. The ultrasound sent in the email is not of a fetus that is a couple weeks old. Period. I have had three kids myself and believe me when I say that ultrasound has to date a pregnancy at 7-10 weeks.
She is either a nutbag and lied about being pregnant, sending a random picture or maybe he is lying to his dad, BM and myself in order to stay at home. The girlfriend's mother has made an offer to let my SS live with her. How very white trash of her.
There have been other issues with my SS(i.e. getting a job, H.S. GPA 1.8 etc.) He does not engage in drugs or alcohol.
I would love to see him gone, even from a values' standpoint as my kids are ages 8, 6 and 4...his half brothers and sister. What the heck do I tell my daughter if the girlfriend is still pregnant? If they are still pregnant then this would be the BM and his dad's grandkid. My husband's grandkid. Maybe not my grandkid as I am just the Stepmom, but the baby would still be an extension of my family. As much as I HATE them for this situation, I do not want to be the b**ch and foresake a baby that needs help. I did stress that adoption in matters such as this were the BEST option for everyone. The baby goes to a loving home where his/her needs and wants are met and the SS/girlfriend can growup to become parents much later in life.
Please, I need some straigh-up, no nonsense advice. Are we stupid to kick him out or do I need a smack upside my head?
Your stepson is an adult who wants to marry the mother of his baby and you are going to force him to go to another state? Yes he's crazy for purposely getting his teenage girlfriend pregnant, but trying to forbid him from seeing his own child or having a relationship with the mother of his child is nuts. What are you afraid he is going to do, get her pregnant twice?
He will have to pay child support anyway. The only thing sending him away will do is prevent him from seeing the child that he is supporting.
While the chance of his marriage succeeding is very low, sometimes these marriages DO succeed, or at least succeed long enough to matter.
support them as much as possible. not all women, young or not want to give their children up for adoption. not all adoptive kids have a great life and some even with a good home still feel like they don't have a real connection. as for your children they are so young they probably won't even put two and two together unless you tell them. if these two get married then there is nothing to tell your kids other then they will have a new baby in the family
Good advise, thank you. My problem is that he refuses to get a job (always says he is turning in applications when I know for a fact that he is not) and he is living with me and his dad and my three young kids.
I have extreme serious doubts to his ability to support a baby emotionally and finacially and my husband (his dad) absolutely does not want, and cannot, support him much longer. My stepson should have graduated with the class of 2012. In this state, in order to graduate, one needs to pass 4 basic tests in biology, math, engligh and govt. After taking the tests over a dozen times, he has only recently passed two of them.
Even knowing his girlfriend was pregnant, he did not get a job. If there is a baby still, I want this baby to be a part of the family, just have a problem supporting a deadbeat.
We cannot forbid him to do anything as he is 18, all my husband and I can do is stop supporting him by not paying for cell phone, extra clothes, "fun" money. But we have already done that and have nothing left.
Truthfully, I would think him moving in with the girlfriend is a good option at this point. He becomes the GF's mom's problem to support and pay for and he may have to grow up a bit.
you have no obligation to keep him under your roof, pay any of his bills, feed him or take care of the girl and the child. let the girlfriend's family have the pleasure of seeing what a deadbeat he is. maybe by the time the baby is born-if there is a baby- everybody will realize placing the child for adoption would be the best course. You do not have to shun the baby but you don't have to support it either. if you are old enough to make a baby, especially deliberately, you are old enough to support it financially and in every other way. tell him that while you help carry his bags out the door.
things will sort themselves out. let him figure it out, encourage him to go stay w/the girl friend. try hard not to let it emotionally drain you. some kids take well into their 20's to get their act together. some never do.
If you can get away with sending an 18 year old off to another state to finish school, more power to you. I would suggest you attach one heck of a carrot for him agreeing to do so. This is a bad situation. If they marry, it will end in divorce (too many lies being told). I would insist on a DNA test when the baby is born, IF a baby is born.
things will sort themselves out. let him figure it out, encourage him to go stay w/the girl friend. try hard not to let it emotionally drain you. some kids take well into their 20's to get their act together. some never do.
The problem with this is that if she isn't pregnant now, whe will be shortly. If she's really pregnant, and this is what he wants, let him go but offer no support of any kind. No money, no baby sitting, NOTHING. They're on their own to figure this out.
I'm in favor of offering him a really big carrot to go to that other state and finish school. A year away from her will either make or break their relationship. There is a reason marriage counselors tell couples working things out to abstain. Take sex out of the picture and they have to deal with each other. This will either solidify the relationship or destroy it.
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