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She may not stayed covered if she is not a full time student. This I know from other kids I have had in college. That was a big ole problem for me with my girl moving out those years ago. Not going to college removed her from my insurance.
BTW she graduated and is in grad school now, so all is well. I just know what a strong willed girl can do when she wants to get out of the expectation of her parents.
Still are you in contact with her folks? You want to make sure you are legally ok in this area also.
She may not stayed covered if she is not a full time student. This I know from other kids I have had in college. That was a big ole problem for me with my girl moving out those years ago. Not going to college removed her from my insurance.
BTW she graduated and is in grad school now, so all is well. I just know what a strong willed girl can do when she wants to get out of the expectation of her parents.
Still are you in contact with her folks? You want to make sure you are legally ok in this area also.
Legally there are no issues. She's 18 (almost 19) and no longer a minor. I'm not in contact with the parents. She didn't attend the same schools as my son did so I never had an occasion to meet them. They know she is at my house because her step-father has dropped things off at my house. I hadn't thought about her being removed from her father's insurance if she was not enrolled in school. That makes sense. My oldest son is still on my dental policy because he's still a grad student and is covered until he reaches 25 years old so long as he's a student. I'm anxious to know the due date for the baby to see how that will work with the way the semesters run. I'm hoping the due date falls right at the end of the Fall semester so she can still take classes this Fall and possibly not miss the Spring semester, either.
Well thanks for considering my suggestions, you are doing a good thing by being there.
Good luck, remember you deserve a life also. I am one quarter away from the last one being out of college! Yeepie!
Am a little puzzled. Girl was kicked out of house for being PG but has not yet seen a MD to verify being PG. She would have to be 3-4 months and starting to show a little if it were the case. Understand the possibility of missed cycles with some girls (father of three girls) yrs ago.
There has been a lot of different opinions expressed and I'm not going to add any of my thoughts other then that at their young ages many things will go awry (sp) and they could get tempermental and fly the coop. Things could get heated. Raising four boys and three girls saw some things happen in our household.
Her period was missed about 3 weeks ago. She did several pregnancy tests with OTC testing kits and all were positive. She told her mother and was kicked out. Father hasn't been told yet and I'm rather surprised he didn't hear via the grapevine because they seem to be in a blaming battle for things that go wrong.
Yes, I'm fearing some turbulent moments. Maybe God will bless me with a quiet 9 months of obedience and sanity. ROFL!!!
She should see an OB to get the pregnancy confirmed, and at least start taking pre natal vitamins.
I was 18 once, got pregnant by my hs sweetheart, who bailed on me. I placed the baby for adoption. I knew at 18-19, even though I worked 2 jobs and went to school that I was not prepared to care for a child. That, of course, was many years ago...before MTV's 16 and Pregnant. 17 years ago this April...best thing I ever did, but also the hardest.
She ought to find out about her insurance because if she's not covered, then she might have to see about private insurance...I don't know if insurance companies see pregnancy as a pre existing condition...I sure hope not!
Talk about a roller coaster of emotions, this last week had been very difficult. My son and his GF, both college freshmen, told me that she is pregnant. They are both good kids, work hard, and just had an "oops" experience. I don't mean to discount it - this is an "oops" that could affect their entire future. They haven't decided what to do yet but my sense is that they are leaning towards keeping the baby. My son is going through college on the GI Bill so money for education isn't an issue for him. He intends to continue with school. His GF has been kicked out of her parents home and is currently staying with me (I'm divorced and have been since my son was less than a year old). She would likely continue working part-time while still in school this semester, then work full-time over the summer and continue working part-time/going to school part-time in the fall. After the baby is born in the spring, she would take a couple classes each semester and otherwise stay home with the baby while my son continues his studies full-time and perhaps works part-time (the GI bill gives him a large monthly stipend). They were looking at apartments but if we all can handle it, I think it would be better financially if they stay living with me. I have 2 extra bedrooms and they would have entire floor of the house to themselves (2 bedrooms and 1 bathroom). I would charge them a bit of rent but nothing compared to what they would have to pay for a 1 bedroom apartment, which around here would run about $1100/per month.
I have very mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, I'm trying to be supportive and realize that any decision they make is their decision. They are both legally adults and all I can do at this point is give them the wisdom of my experience so that they can make an informed decision. I'm ready to be a grandmother but life would be easier for them if they weren't parents yet.
Also, I have to admit that I'm a little unhappy at how this will affect my life. I was rather looking forward to being an empty nester. I had planned on moving since I have no family in this area. I know some parents don't look forward to the empty quiet of a house without children in it, but I was frankly looking forward to it. Until they are at least a little better settled and can understand how their finances will be affected, some of my plans will have to be put on hold. I feel a little guilty for being upset that my plans are changed. No, they don't have to be - I could let them figure it out and sink or swim. But I don't think I could do that. Besides, mostly likely they would be knocking on my door anyway asking for help and advice.
Sigh - being a new grandma isn't supposed to be like this.
I agree with the philosophy that they will be infinitely happier without a child. These days there is such a dreadful stigma against abortion that it is difficult NOT to feel guilty even when it is the sanest possible choice. I know what I would do in a hearbeat, but you cannot make up other people's minds for them. I would definitely offer to help them financially if that would happen to be their decision, however and I would encourage them with all my heart.
Just a follow-up. Big brother is coming home for spring break and we (son, GF, ex-husband and big brother) are going to sit down and look at the not-so-pretty picture. Some things have been said recently by my son and his GF (mostly the GF - not trying to point the finger at her...she just talks to me more than my son does about this) that make me really concerned. They seem to think this is going to be like playing house. She said her younger sister had always wanted a baby sister and she can't wait to tell her. Hello??? This isn't a baby sister! It's your son or daughter and YOU have to care for it for the rest of your life. And then there's all the talk about baby showers. Even if the next 9 months are trouble free, what will happen to these two when reality hits? Ye gads!
I still plan on being supportive but it's time to throw some cold water on this party. Wish me luck.
I still plan on being supportive but it's time to throw some cold water on this party. Wish me luck.
Good luck! I feel your pain!
Some young people are equipped to handle parenting. I think it's rare though. There is a young couple living across the street from me. They have three children----all a year apart in age. I'm absolutely amazed at how together these young parents are. They make parenting look effortless. I think my neighbors are the exception for young parents.
Sorry to hear the girlfriend is in la la land. I doubt you'll be able to pursuade her to put it up for adoption. But I have my fingers crossed hoping that she'll become more realistic!
Just a follow-up. Big brother is coming home for spring break and we (son, GF, ex-husband and big brother) are going to sit down and look at the not-so-pretty picture. Some things have been said recently by my son and his GF (mostly the GF - not trying to point the finger at her...she just talks to me more than my son does about this) that make me really concerned. They seem to think this is going to be like playing house. She said her younger sister had always wanted a baby sister and she can't wait to tell her. Hello??? This isn't a baby sister! It's your son or daughter and YOU have to care for it for the rest of your life. And then there's all the talk about baby showers. Even if the next 9 months are trouble free, what will happen to these two when reality hits? Ye gads!
I still plan on being supportive but it's time to throw some cold water on this party. Wish me luck.
This isn't going to be easy for any of you and definitely much harder than they think it's going to be. My wife and I had our first relatively young. I was 24 and she was 21. However, we were married and I had finished school and we were able to live on our own and support ourselves. Even then most people felt we were too young to have kids and some days they were right.
I think some of their talk maybe just trying to focus on the positive. Chances are both of them are falling apart inside. Sitting them down to talk is a great idea, but make sure that it isn't confrontational, just open and frank. You sound like an awesome and very supportive parent, so I'm sure you will moderate the discussion no matter how much you want to jump up and down on the couch screaming at them to wake up and face reality. I sincerely hope that if I am ever in the same situation with my children that I could handle it as calmly and sensibly as you seem to be.
I do have one suggestion that may help spawn some conversation and deal with reality a bit. MTV has a series co-produced by Morgan Freeman and Dr. Drew called "16 and Pregnant". There is also a follow-up version called "Teen Mom". 16 and Pregnant is currently in it's second season and episodes are on MTV now with new ones on Tuesdays at 10pm.
My wife and I started watching them last year and then watched the Teen Mom follow-up series. I guess we are trying to cling to our youth by still watching MTV, lol. Anyway, they are excellent shows and really paint a complete picture of what people deal with. Everything from the poor kids to the rich kids, to the accepting families to the ones who pretty much throw their kids out on the street. They spend a lot of time focusing on emotions and what people feel as well as what they go through considering the options they have from all angles.
The Teen Mom series picks up where 16 and Pregnant leaves off and closely follows the lives of 4 of the couples for the first year or so of the babies life. It deals with lots of issues including balancing childcare with finishing high school or college, the relationships between the parents and kids, the relationships between the mothers and fathers, etc. Again, it is really eye opening and since it is MTV is done in a style that younger people can associate with. It presents the stories and facts without getting preachy.
I really think these shows may be worth your time to watch together and get some discussion going.
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