The Incessant Need To Talk (psychologist, men, woman, girlfriend)

[molukai]

Don't you ever wish that everyone - yourself included - could just be quiet? It drives me crazy that everyone wants to talk - I am not interested in hearing the stuff people are saying. I think I would tolerate people a whole lot more if they just shut their mouths more often than not.

[katie45]

I agree that constant meaningless chatter can be annoying. Even more so is being with someone who insists on monopolizing the conversation and/or interrupting others (apparently they feel their topic is more important).

Have had one-sided phone conversations with people who insist on cutting off everything I say with their own ideas. I appreciate that they want to share their thoughts; however, I would prefer they wait until I finish a sentence.

Perhaps some of the topics I speak of are of no interest to others, I have to accept that fact.

Some quiet time is necessary in order to just plain think.

[digerd]

I love a chat with one person, preferably another woman, as we can talk about a multitude of topics including those we cannot talk to men about as they don't want to hear about certain things. But crowds of people all talking at the same time exhausts me. Some women can listen to what one is saying and listen in to what another is saying, but I can't do that. But also love my peace and quiet and open air, as the song from West Side Story musical " Somewhere" says. Seen the film 10 times and still cry my eyes out at the end as he is dying and she is singing that song to him - " Hold my hand I'll take you there".. Oh dear tears again welling up, but I have digressed. Typical female

[Billy_J]

For me it depends on the situation.

I prefer a good conversation with someone to watching TV for example. And if it is someone I am living with or who is visiting my house, then it is by talking that we can determine what everyone wants to do or eat for a meal. And if there is a problem, it is by talking about it that feelings can be expressed and a compromise or a solution to the problem found.

Also time is very important to me as well as for other people. If my life is intertwined with other people, I like to know what they are doing - going to be doing and for how long. Or if I will be doing something, I let them know. For example if I am going to the store, I'll say "I'm going to the store, I'll be back in 15 minutes. Would you like to come along?" Or "I have an appointment. I'll be gone all day and should be back around 7 PM."

So good to communicate these things.

But other times I prefer total quiet. Like if I am working on something and thinking. Or if I am REALLY stressed out about something, then total quiet is "medicine" for my "nerves".

[cpg35223]

Oh, holy cow. I'm not exactly taciturn, but there is nothing worse than someone who won't. Shut. Up.

A business partner and very close friend of mine died almost twenty years ago, and the funeral was six hours away. This guy and I had been really tight, and his death had been both sudden and devastating. It was a personal blow and had put the health of my business in severe jeopardy. I suddenly had to deal with an amazing truckload of problems caused by his death, not to mention my grief and the need to be supportive to his wife and four-year-old daughter.

So, I'm about to drive to the funeral, leaving my nine-month pregnant wife behind (Yes, another source of stress), when I get a call from this guy who was one of my late partner's clients. The guy wanted a ride, so I agreed.

This guy talked the entire six-hour drive there. Not stuff about business or anything. Just wanting my opinion on bizarre random stuff, from goings on in the art world to television shows to anything else. It was like the guy had a Random Conversation Topic Spinner. So I'd be driving along, thinking about how I was going to cope with the loss of a business partner and my impending fatherhood and the need to put food on the table and how I was going to compensate my partner's widow for his share of the company and about 6,000 other things when -- out of left field he'd want my opinion on some singer or artist. Then he'd prate on about the subject when it was obvious that I couldn't give a damn.

We get to the funeral, a sad, sad affair, and the guy couldn't shut up during the funeral. And then the guy couldn't shut up during the reception afterwards. Then the guy wouldn't shut up during the eight-hour drive back (Traffic jam). By the time I got home all I could think of (besides murder) was ridding myself of this guy. And then he buttonholes me in the driveway of my house for another thirty minutes until my wife comes out to rescue me.

I fired the guy as my client. Best move I ever made. I don't understand why people have to fill up the empty spaces with dialog all the damned time. Kind of like people who flip on the television just because they don't like a quiet house, I guess.

I had a girlfriend like that, too. She spoiled many lazy Sunday afternoons in my apartment by constantly needing to chat when I was reading a book or writing or listening to music. Sometimes companionship isn't about yapping all the time. Sometimes companionship is just honoring the other person with your presence. Hey, I'm a good conversationalist. But being the recipient of non-stop babbling about nothing at all is exhausting.

[Atlantis]

What I don't like is when someone is talking so much that I can't get a word in edgewise, then as soon as they're finished talking they just walk away without waiting for my response, or if we're on the phone they're ready to say goodbye and hang up. It's frustrating when I've been waiting for them to pause, then I start to speak on the topic, and they interrupt me and continue with their monologue.

Sometimes people like this actually ask "Why are you so quiet?"

Sometimes in group conversations I don't bother talking because everyone who is talking isn't really listening. And I don't like to interrupt people or to be interrupted.

I remember going out to dinner with 3 others and one person was just talking and talking, interrupting my friend every time she started a sentence. So I decided not to bother trying to say anything. When she asked me why I wasn't talking I wanted to tell her that she interrupted my friend every time my friend started to say something.

Sometimes it's tough when I'm at work and a coworker starts talking and talking and talking to me, and I have to get my work done. I don't want to come across as rude, antisocial or uninterested.

[Ruth4Truth]

Some people are uncomfortable with silence, and are emotionally driven to fill what they perceive to be a void. What surprises me is people whose need to incessantly yammer overrides safety concerns. I live in a tourist town. When I'm nearing the downtown area, I have to be extra attentive to my driving, as there are a lot of one-way streets, lost tourists making unexpected moves, road construction hazards, etc. When I tell my passenger that "I can't talk now, I have to focus on driving", they either ignore that, or they say, "Get used to it", and continue yammering. I actually got stopped by a cop on one of these occasions, as I'd missed a stop sign due to the distraction of a chattering friend. Fortunately, she knew the cop and got me out of a ticket! But still--it seems extreme to not be able to control your need to chatter. Is there a psychologist in the house? I can't help wondering what is at the root of that compulsion.

[Tracysherm]

My significant other, whom I love, is one of those people who cannot stop talking. This weekend we drove to a place about 1 1/2 hrs away, so it was 3+ hours in the car, and I think he stopped to breathe about twice. I've asked him a few times, don't you just like to be quiet with your own thoughts? and he seemed like he didn't understand what this even meant. He's very intelligent, but it's like the only thoughts he has are the ones he communicates, and when he's not communicating, he's not thinking of anything except what he can communicate about next.

He commutes about a hour to and from work, and he uses that hour to call me 6-7 times, or to call other people if he can't reach me (sometimes I don't answer). Sure he listens to music, but he has to be talking too. I would just get audio books.

I guess we must be a good match, because I don't feel the need to talk, so I'm not fighting to get a word in edgewise.

I tend to think the need to constantly talk comes from a reluctance to self-examine. I am very introspective. I'm not only always thinking, but thinking ABOUT what I'm thinking. Asking myself, why did I decide that? Why did I react that way? What do I think about this or that? He is most certainly NOT introspective. He arrives at his opinions on things from talking them out. Not from examining himself from the inside. I also think the reluctance to self-examine, in most people is related to an insecurity, with the sense of self. Maybe they believe "I talk therefore I am" in a way, and if they are not talking, they stop existing?

[kevxu]

Originally Posted by molukai

Don't you ever wish that everyone - yourself included - could just be quiet? It drives me crazy that everyone wants to talk - I am not interested in hearing the stuff people are saying. I think I would tolerate people a whole lot more if they just shut their mouths more often than not.

I have come to believe that a very large percentage of people are truly and totally freaked out by silence...what they hear in their own minds then drives them to incessant babbling, or listening to the incessant and mindless river of babble that is popular entertainment, or the info-gush and info-rant that is rapidly replacing news reporting

It is a paradise of opportunity for politicians and religious hucksters , who don't really have to say anything, just say a lot and say it loud. Given the proliferation of "communication" devices and the ever-increasing population density of the world's megapolises, the world will probably die when the babble combines into one unending worldwide scream of fear and rage.

[Nanny Goat]

I used to work with a woman years ago who literally talked from 7 am till we left 8 hours later. And, we were in a small office. I had to relocate to another building and stay in an office by myself. I'm pretty social and like some small talk, but wow, couldn't do that one. I like quiet now a lot.
Talking too much is a defense mechanism.