Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
First hey I'm whats up just to get that out of the way.
I asked this question because obviously people ask for advice or a in bitter dour or angry mood and want affirmation or answers. What I noticed is that people who give genuine answers are few a far between. Many it sounds like they are putting themselves on a pedestal and are talking down in the and covering it up as advice.
While sometimes it can be "tough love" as some would call it most of the time its just empty criticism.
I ask do you feel like the a person giving advice is just self promoting themselves.
Its common for a person if a bad situation to try bring a person down to their level and that gets called on but do any of you feel that some people in better situation dismiss people in the worse just to make themselves feel good and not really offer any advice.
I've been on the internet since the 1980's. Back then the internet was not open to the general public, rather it was just universities, government, and research organizations which had access.
And pretty much all questions received detailed and knowledgeable answers - That is if people had an answer to the question. If no one knew the answer, there were no replies.
Then web sites came along and the general public suddenly had access to the internet. It has been downhill ever since! (So far as intelligent answers go.)
And lately (like last 10 years), I see someone ask a question, then sometimes ALL replies are flip or rude. And no one answers the person's question.
Also when answers are given, sometimes I see that every single answer is incorrect. I get the impression that no one knows about the topic.
Also there is a "dumbing down" of the questions being asked. Back in the 80's people would make the effort to read all they could about something before asking a question. Like if they are having trouble using a computer program, they would first read the instructions. THEN if they still did not understand, they would ask a question.
These days people ask questions and it is evident they have not bothered to read one work of the instruction manual!
So I think people are maybe lazy and/or not willing to take the time and effort to learn things on their own first.
Or perhaps not as "bright" as people once were?
Anyway for whatever reason, they reply to questions they don't know the answer to.
Note there are forums with specific technical topics and these are highly moderated. So the discussion on these remains technical, intelligent, and polite.
As for this forum here (Psychology), this is pretty good so far as forums go these days. I see many intelligent and helpful answers.
I've been on the internet since the 1980's. Back then the internet was not open to the general public, rather it was just universities, government, and research organizations which had access.
And pretty much all questions received detailed and knowledgeable answers - That is if people had an answer to the question. If no one knew the answer, there were no replies.
Then web sites came along and the general public suddenly had access to the internet. It has been downhill ever since! (So far as intelligent answers go.)
And lately (like last 10 years), I see someone ask a question, then sometimes ALL replies are flip or rude. And no one answers the person's question.
Also when answers are given, sometimes I see that every single answer is incorrect. I get the impression that no one knows about the topic.
Also there is a "dumbing down" of the questions being asked. Back in the 80's people would make the effort to read all they could about something before asking a question. Like if they are having trouble using a computer program, they would first read the instructions. THEN if they still did not understand, they would ask a question.
These days people ask questions and it is evident they have not bothered to read one work of the instruction manual!
So I think people are maybe lazy and/or not willing to take the time and effort to learn things on their own first.
Or perhaps not as "bright" as people once were?
Anyway for whatever reason, they reply to questions they don't know the answer to.
Note there are forums with specific technical topics and these are highly moderated. So the discussion on these remains technical, intelligent, and polite.
As for this forum here (Psychology), this is pretty good so far as forums go these days. I see many intelligent and helpful answers.
I agree I was looking around CD the Psychology forum seems the most tame like people want to have actual engaging discussion. Most other forums are chaotic or few and far between when it comes to discussions.
While you brought up academics I'm just looking at in general day to day interactions that are asked. If someone brings up something that is opposite of what another experience its considered wrong and ignored.
I mean I love looking at different perspective that are different from mine but others feel if it doesn't apply to them or that handled it differently that the issue doesn't matter.
I why give advice if you refuse to acknowledge the situation. I feel like people just wa
I take it you're talking about people asking for advice on personal problems, correct? Versus a technical question?
I don't know that it's intentionally meant to tear people down, or at least not in all cases. I have a pretty dysfunctional family of origin situation myself. It took me a really long time to learn about things like boundaries, detachment and dropping the rope. I'm still learning about this stuff. What I see sometimes in self-help forums is people who are farther along in the process forget what it's like to be at the beginning or middle and get impatient with people who are just starting the process.
And sometimes the person who is asking the question/looking for the advice isn't ready to hear it yet. For a long time, I thought other people's misbehavior and the consquences they receive for it was my problem. One of my mother's cousins is very obnoxious and as a result doesn't get invited to some events. I've also blocked her from Facebook because she's misused both people's personal information and contact information of other people. I used to worry, "what if she found out about x event?" "what if she figured out I blocked her?" But then as someone on another forum pointed out, those were consquences of her being obnoxious. I've severely limited contact with her and would sever it altogether were it not for the collateral impact on some other relationships. At first, I wasn't ready to accept that answer.
So sometimes, I think it's just miscommunication vs. a real need for a smackdown if that makes sense.
Alot of people today like to project their issues and problems (see my thread re: Narcissism)
It is a one way conversation. People (some) will email their daily trials and tribulations, and not hear one word you write.
Thanks for dioscussing what it was like in the early 90's. Society has changed in the past 10 years, and not for the better. This forum is good though, unlike relationships/discussions which seem like a constant diatribe of whining.
Alot of people today like to project their issues and problems (see my thread re: Narcissism)
It is a one way conversation. People (some) will email their daily trials and tribulations, and not hear one word you write.
Thanks for dioscussing what it was like in the early 90's. Society has changed in the past 10 years, and not for the better. This forum is good though, unlike relationships/discussions which seem like a constant diatribe of whining.
I've seen the relationship discussion forum it kind of made want to make this topic. I can't find any helping answers its just one group attacking another and vice versa.
I far as I am concerned the narcissism there swings both ways.
First hey I'm whats up just to get that out of the way.
I asked this question because obviously people ask for advice or a in bitter dour or angry mood and want affirmation or answers. What I noticed is that people who give genuine answers are few a far between. Many it sounds like they are putting themselves on a pedestal and are talking down in the and covering it up as advice.
While sometimes it can be "tough love" as some would call it most of the time its just empty criticism.
I ask do you feel like the a person giving advice is just self promoting themselves.
Its common for a person if a bad situation to try bring a person down to their level and that gets called on but do any of you feel that some people in better situation dismiss people in the worse just to make themselves feel good and not really offer any advice.
Sometimes offering advice in itself can cause people to feel less empowered and downplays on their abilities to think for themselves. In a way, it's like saying, "Hey stupid, here's a solution for you." I'm sure at some level, they've already figured what they need to do, but instead need to be validated.
I think when people basically tells another person (who is obviously in pain) to "pull yourself by your own bootstraps and quit whining" are so hypocritical. I don't think their intentions are to bring the other person down.. I think it's more like they lack empathy and a condescending attitude, because they think they're King or Empress at life in the advice giving department. Like they know what's best.
Sometimes offering advice in itself can cause people to feel less empowered and downplays on their abilities to think for themselves. In a way, it's like saying, "Hey stupid, here's a solution for you." I'm sure at some level, they've already figured what they need to do, but instead need to be validated.
I think when people basically tells another person (who is obviously in pain) to "pull yourself by your own bootstraps and quit whining" are so hypocritical. I don't think their intentions are to bring the other person down.. I think it's more like they lack empathy and a condescending attitude, because they think they're King or Empress at life in the advice giving department. Like they know what's best.
1. I think alot of times people are just angry and use forum to vent and the other posters make assumption that they are whiny and entitled in real life
2. I'm trying to become a social worker and one of the things I learned in Case Management is when giving advice you should always speak on their level not above. I find that to be lacking in many advice forums.
Location: The western periphery of Terra Australis
24,544 posts, read 56,060,466 times
Reputation: 11862
I've noticed a bit of this. A lot of people who do rant and whine really do just that and don't listen to even genuine advice. I think there's a time to listen and just hear them out, but from experience many of these people do it again and again, not trying to help themselves. I tend to tire of them rather quickly.
You're right, there are no shortage of people who like to get behind the pulpit and preach to you in their best 'Father knows best' voice.
Both groups can be obnoxious. It can be tricky to get the balance of sympathy and practicality.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
