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I have no problem holding a conversation with someone in an adjacent plane seat or in a coffeehouse, debating with a service adviser at a car dealership, or pushing through a customer service issue to see it resolved. However, I would still consider myself an introvert. Any others like this?
Yup. Really messes with peoples heads. I also prefer to be around people, just don't see a reason to talk to them most of the time. Normally when I engage a conversation it's just to mess with people, otherwise I just see it as a waste of breath. Also I find talking to people the lesser of two evils, they don't know how to handle themselves when I mind my own business.
i can relate to the op---while out and about it is very easy for me to engage others in conversation,but there is a miniscule amount of people that i feel motivated to contact and prefer doing things on my own and by myself
We've had several threads about this. Shyness (social anxiety) is independent of being an introvert-extravert.
Some introverts are shy, but many are not. I have decent social skills and I'm not anxious or fearful of people. I just prefer to be alone for large amounts of time, and time with others depletes me, while time alone fills me up.
People don't realize this, but people who are naturally extraverts can also be shy. These are the people for whom shyness is the most painful, because they crave human interaction deeply, but their fears & anxieties get in the way of getting it. But the general public tends to equate shyness with introversion. My Mom was convinced all through my childhood that I was "shy" and I even believed it. It wasn't until early adulthood that I concluded that I'm not shy at all, I just direct myself toward more solitary activities than group or interpersonal activities.
The big difference between introverts and extraverts is the energy thing, what "fills you up" vs. what "drains" your energy. Extraverts get energized by human interaction, and need it, on an emotional and physical level. They can end up feeling emotional pain and deprivation from too much aloneness. Introverts get drained by interaction and have to have time alone to "reload." They crave and need time alone, on an emotional and physical level, or they experience pain and deprivation. Of course there is a continuum, so people in the middle might have both sets of traits at different times in their lives (robert--I think you even mentioned on one thread that once you tested as being one kind of "-vert" and later became more of the other kind; so you're probably more toward the middle of the continuum.
Another difference that is less known and less understood is identity formation and self-esteem. Extraverts largely develop their sense of identity through relationships and cues from others. Introverts largely define their identity internally, and it's less dependent on cues and feedback from others. Both types can develop identity or self-esteem problems, but what helps one will not help the other. It's funny because even though so much of the practice of psychology and mental health treatment is biased toward extraverts, the common interventions for self-esteem are more likely to help introverts than extraverts (cognitive techniques like positive affirmations for example).
When I had clients with low self-esteem, I would give them homework (since a therapy session is not going to raise a person's self esteem!) People who were more other-directed extraverts would do better when they accomplished assignments like doing a good deed for another person, rehearsing and then carrying out a social contact, or practicing accepting compliments. People who are naturally more internally-directed introverts tended to do better when they accomplished assignments like setting a goal, breaking it into steps, and then accomplishing it on their own, using "self-help" cognitive techniques, or identifying how to be a person they themselves would like or admire.
We've had several threads about this. Shyness (social anxiety) is independent of being an introvert-extravert.
Some introverts are shy, but many are not. I have decent social skills and I'm not anxious or fearful of people. I just prefer to be alone for large amounts of time, and time with others depletes me, while time alone fills me up.
Great post, all of it. I know that introversion/extroversion has been discussed, but posters continue to talk about shyness and introversion as if part of the same package. I am not shy nor reserved. People would interpret me as an extrovert. However, I have always kept a small circle of friends and do not like people who feel they have to be friends with everyone and glad hand. Granted, I will know who everyone is, at school or in a work place, because I'm a scanner, but I really only want to know very few. And then, if it's a completely off the wall situation that clicks, which usually happens when I'm traveling, I'll make friends with that person. I found these stray dogs while traveling in Portugal, struck up a conversation with a neighboring local with whom we then wound up talking about everything and the kitchen sink, and who then invited me to his house to meet his family and have a glass of wine. However, I really like time for myself and savor a long flight and a vacation somewhere alone. Sometimes, eating dinner alone while traveling is a drag, but so what.
As an only child, I really only had myself to occupy the time. I was shy and (still) can be from time to time, but over time I've become much more "neutral" in terms of how I interact with people.
For example, even around close friends, I'll stay quiet in a loud conversation and would rather make a well timed joke, or quip that feeds off the talking rather than actually participating. I don't like having to raise my voice to be heard.
However that's just one example. Most times I can carry conversations with almost anyone, but there are times when I just want to left alone.
And if I'm in the mood, I don't mind being the center of attention and have been on stage/in front of a camera many times.
So in the end I think I'm still an introvert, but not nearly as shy as I used to be.
Read my locations. Read my posts. Yes, I know. I wish my parents never moved us out of New Jersey sometimes.
But there's a difference. In the PacNW, the people won't even BS, on top of being introverts.
I respectfully disagree. People in the PNW look you in the eye and talk with you about things that matter. Even, for instance at Oregon gas stations, where you can't pump your own gas, the guy comes out and makes small talk, but is courteous, and people just seem to care more for substance.
Introversion is just, like, a lack of wordy obnoxiousness, to me. I understand extroversion, I just have an aversion to extroversion.
I respectfully disagree. People in the PNW look you in the eye and talk with you about things that matter. Even, for instance at Oregon gas stations, where you can't pump your own gas, the guy comes out and makes small talk, but is courteous, and people just seem to care more for substance.
Well then, we'll agree to disagree. Anywhere in California or in Atlanta, the words "come on over" or "we should get together" are easily dispensed if one gets to a point where it looks like a friendship might form ... or a neighbor decides they like you. My next door neighbor in Atlanta, a Southern lady, comes out and says to me "it's hot, why don't you take a break from your yard work, and come on over for some iced tea." I lived in a townhouse complex on Seattle's Eastside, and in the long time I lived in it, I rarely got to know any of the neighbors, let alone go inside their units - in one case, it was because a cat was friendlier than the typical Seattleite, and followed me into my place after getting my mail, so I had to return the cat to a resident of the complex, some 6 units away. Polite is not friendly. I like people who can be both, if the situation calls for it and the chemistry is there. Both the PacNW and the Upper Midwest (MN, WI) are RENOWNED for their stoic, reserved natures, enough to the point that it would torque someone who is only mildly introverted.
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