Understanding the Psychology Behind men who would NEVER date a single mother! (college, attracted)
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Are you sure you have the authority to make that pronouncement? This is a discussion forum, people would be expected to discuss various facets of the topic...
Psychology includes reasoning, why people make certain decisions and have certain preferences. Benefits and drawbacks are part of the preference equations of normal, psychologically healthy people.
I am not saying people cannot discuss different topics regarding "single moms dating". However, if people really want to talk about "single moms dating" They can go to relationship forum. There are TONS of threads bashing or discussing single moms in the dating world. I simply don't feel I need to duplicate those threads.
My thread is about the psychology behind men who claim they would NEVER date a single mother. To me, that is quite a bold statement.
Do they take into account the fact that many single moms come from poorer backgrounds in the first place? Coming from a poor background is the bigger variable that is correlated to many of things in the passage that you bolded.
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Yes, it's a regression study with demographically-similar matching, adjusted for income, maternal educational attainment, socioeconomic data points, etc. Brookings Institute is world class, and their researchers filter out demographic noise just as you'd expect.
These guys are free to date whomever they want. I see nothing wrong with it. It's a free world. It does not make them less of a man, or unwilling to take on responsibility as some are saying here.
My husband and I met when he was well into his 30s and neither one of us had been previously married or divorced, and neither of us had children. Some people know what they want in life and uphold those standards till they find what they want.
Not everyone believes in marriage and divorce and being single parents at a young age. Not everyone wants kids, whether it be your own, or someone else's
I personally believe that everybody is entitled to his or her dating preference. Dating or marrying a single parent is not for everybody, just like dating or marrying a soldier is not for everybody.
However, what is the point/purpose behind all these bashing? Is it reasonable to demonize single parents?
Is it reasonable to call those men who choose to date or marry a single mom "loser" or "desperate men with less opinions"?
The above are the two questions this thread is focusing on.
1. If the internet is to be believed (although I've seen this case play out in a few instances), you have the scenario where the "beta" male tries to get with the mid-high end childless woman but is shunned for the "alpha" male who proceeds to produce a child with said woman. But the relationship inevitable doesn't work out as the "alpha" male exercises his choice and the single mother is now looking toward the "beta" male for companionship and financial support. Again not a scientific theory I agree with but a commonly repeated theory (shortened version; Alpha ***, Beta Bux)
2. What I have a problem with moreso than men saying that they'd never data single woman are the women who say that if a man dates a single mother than they are "real men" while the men who shun these ladies are not "real men". What the heck does that even mean? I've heard real women stand up and say that a "real man" would take care of their sometimes multiple children. It makes no sense to me.
2. What I have a problem with moreso than men saying that they'd never data single woman are the women who say that if a man dates a single mother than they are "real men" while the men who shun these ladies are not "real men". What the heck does that even mean? I've heard real women stand up and say that a "real man" would take care of their sometimes multiple children. It makes no sense to me.
This is so true. From a biological standpoint it makes no sense. The law of nature tells us that a "real male" of most species would want to pass on his own genes and dedicate his resources toward his own progeny and their/his gene survival.
Single mothers repeatedly question why outside men will not line up to raise their kids from other men. Saying they are not "real men" seems like some sort of female-induced mental neutering of the American man.
Perhaps I am over-thinking this. Bottom line is that people can date whomever they choose according to their own standards.
People will always put down others because it makes them feel superior (for whatever reason). Just like a man will put down other men for dating single mother's, he'll probably also put down other men for wearing a bow tie. I mean, really, does it matter? This is human nature, end of story. There's a ton of reasons why people put others down.....it doesn't have anything to do with single mom's.
With that said, I'm a woman, but I would never date a single dad. Prior to my first divorce, I wouldn't date anyone that was previously engaged or divorced. Why? Because I felt like they obviously failed at marriage, so I don't want them. After my first failed marriage, I realized how stupid that way of thinking was.
I won't date single dad's, first and foremost because I don't want children, but honestly, for the same reasons the man listed, is the same I would have. I don't want to share him with anyone. Yes, I'm selfish in that sense. I want his attention and I don't want to have to fight a child for it. If I wanted kids, I'd be afraid that he wouldn't want any. I wouldn't want to deal with the kid's mom either (it goes both ways, but let's be real, many can't and don't co-parent very well at all). I doubt my mom would care and if a man cares that much about what his mom says, I wouldn't date him anyways. Overall though, my main reason is because I don't want to share. The psychology behind that? I want someone all to myself, I'm selfish and want all the attention, I have abandonment issues - so him giving all his attention to a child would make them act up. You can bash me all you want (general you), but at least I'm being honest with myself about what I can and cannot deal with. Is that the same reason a man won't date a single mom? Maybe for some of them. But I dunno, only every individual man who knows himself well enough can tell you the psychology behind it. I've told you my reasons, I'm sure that accounts for a portion of the men too.
As for body image, I don't know any woman that is happy with her post-baby body. Okay, I may know a few, but that's it. Most of them weren't happy pre-baby body either. Heck, most women, baby or not, aren't happy with their bodies, what's new with that?
Many single parents I know don't want more kids...but I think this depends on how old they were when they had the first ones and how old they are the second time around. Obviously though, you can't generalize that because there are many folks who have a second set of kids with a second person and are happy as can be. The single mom's dating single dad's bit, I get it, but that's just lame.
Everyone has their own set of wants/needs in a partner. However, in their (the author's) defense, you quoted two blogs. Blogs are nothing more than the author's opinion. Therefore, I don't think it's wrong of them to write what they did. I mean, if I went to my blog and posted why I wouldn't date a single dad, so be it. I can bash anyone I want. It's all just an opinion. Who cares what they think, who they bash, etc. I know on C-D, I post my opinion and there are people who don't like it. I can fight it all I want, but at the end of the day, they log off, I log off and we don't think about it again.
If everybody can really follow this simple bottom line, we wouldn't have so many single mother bashing threads on forums.
Yes, but people on C-D feel it's their right to be all up in your (general) business. Well, people in general. Because let's be real, if this was true in anyway, there wouldn't have ever been issues with inter-racial marriage, gay marriage, etc, etc, etc. Everyone likes to be in everyone's business and for some odd reason, they feel they have a right to it, because in some odd way, they feel it affects their life. Amazing, but true.
I think it is entirely okay to express personal opinions / dating preferences
For example,
" I won't date single fathers because A B C D" However, I don't think there is truly 100% freedom of speech.
Example "any men who date single mothers are losers, and their dating options are limited." This statement crossed the line because it is simply untrue. One's choices do not include slander and lies. With free speech comes responsibility. Something soulfully lacking in today's humans!
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