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Why is that the first question I ask myself when I get up is: "Why, oh why, did I have to get up this morning"? Seriously, lately it feels like living is a chore rather than something I actually enjoy. I have recently adopted this attitude of "why bother" towards everything. Part of me wants to care, the other part doesn't. It's like I've almost lost the will to live! Whenever I get into an argument or something bad happens the first thing I ask myself is whether or not I feel like living anymore. Usually I respond "no", but I don't really do anything further than that. I might think of how I would kill myself, but usually I think of how painful that would probably be and all of the people I would hurt, so I don't do it.
If you've seen my previous post, I am very afraid of death...
I can't experience a happy moment without becoming depressed right afterward, it's like I am in this bland mood all of the time. People are constantly asking me why I never smile or what I am so upset about. It's not like I can just say "oh, I'm alive, that's the problem", but that's exactly how I feel. I feel horrible 24/7 and all I can think about is how crappy my life is and will continue to be until the day I die.
I think at the moment my life is not on-par with where I want it to be (and it never really has been for the last 3 years).
I am really getting sick of never feeling happy, or sad, or anything really.
What are you doing currently to treat your depression?
If you say "nothing" I am going to tell you that you do not deserve either to complain OR feel better.
I have been going to therapy and have been trying to change my way of thinking, although I still seem to be stuck in the same cycle. It's like no matter what I do I end up stuck like this...I might need some medication to help this.
I have been going to therapy and have been trying to change my way of thinking, although I still seem to be stuck in the same cycle. It's like no matter what I do I end up stuck like this...I might need some medication to help this.
Yeah. If you have suicidal thoughts with planning and you suffer from major depression, you MIGHT need some medication. Please make a small effort to save your own life. Thanks.
Since your therapist has not referred you to a psychiatrist by now I question 1) whether you are being 100% truthful to him/her or 2) whether this person is qualified to be helping others.
You probably need to find a different therapist if you still feel so badly after talking to the current one. Therapy is not a long-term, life-long dependency, but designed to hopefully get clients to a place of self-sufficiency.
The key to feeling better in life is setting those goals and doing what you can to reach them. For some, that means getting up and taking a walk or making a meal or finishing a puzzle or whatever you deem is something you want to do. Tomorrow is not promised to any of us. It's our job to make the most of each day we do wake up.
Why is that the first question I ask myself when I get up is: "Why, oh why, did I have to get up this morning"? Seriously, lately it feels like living is a chore rather than something I actually enjoy. I have recently adopted this attitude of "why bother" towards everything. Part of me wants to care, the other part doesn't. It's like I've almost lost the will to live! Whenever I get into an argument or something bad happens the first thing I ask myself is whether or not I feel like living anymore. Usually I respond "no", but I don't really do anything further than that. I might think of how I would kill myself, but usually I think of how painful that would probably be and all of the people I would hurt, so I don't do it.
If you've seen my previous post, I am very afraid of death...
I can't experience a happy moment without becoming depressed right afterward, it's like I am in this bland mood all of the time. People are constantly asking me why I never smile or what I am so upset about. It's not like I can just say "oh, I'm alive, that's the problem", but that's exactly how I feel. I feel horrible 24/7 and all I can think about is how crappy my life is and will continue to be until the day I die.
I think at the moment my life is not on-par with where I want it to be (and it never really has been for the last 3 years).
I am really getting sick of never feeling happy, or sad, or anything really.
I also have depression, if that helps.
I can identify with you completely. Your post mimics how I often feel in daily life. It seems the older I get, the more philosophical I get, and the more philosophical I get, the more I view life as being pointless. I have become more nihilistic in my outlook towards life in general, and that position doesn't seem to equate to possessing a happy-go-lucky, "life is great" sort of outlook. And it's not because I don't want to be happy or non-depressed -- that is not the case. But rather, my struggles with depression and feelings of hopelessness seem to arise from my realization that life is just life: there seems to be no point to life outside of simply existing. And to me, simply being an existing, conscious creature does not magically convey some sort of magic. I know a lot of the upbeat, motivated, positive-thinking peoples tend to view life as being a gift, as if being alive is simply better than not being alive; that being born is preferable to having never been born. And while I can rationally understand that line of thinking as a way to motivate the human species to try to live a rewarding, happy, relevant existence, I have a hard time engaging in the deception and selective reasoning that it seems to take to view life in such a positive light. I honestly wish I could be more optimistic and positive in regards to life, but the older I get, the harder it is for me to have a positive, outlook view on life and existence.
There is a certain need to wear various shades of rose-colored glasses in our day-to-day lives in order to view life with such childhood, exuberant optimism. To rephrase that, as if often said: ignorance is bliss. The more ignorant one is of the pitfalls and struggles and seemingly pointlessness of existence, the happier one is likely to be.
So, I realize the positive thinkers and the members of the "life is good" brigade all mean well, and if a person can genuinely adopt that type of mindset, then all the better. You would likely be much happier and fulfilled by adopting a "glass is half full" mentality. And personally, I try hard to do just that. I realize that whether or not I wanted to be born and brought into this world is a moot point. The fact is I and you and everyone else currently living are here, NOW, and it does make sense to try and make our lives as happy and fulfilling as possible. But I admit doing that is hard, especially if you are a deep-thinking, intellectual, sensitive person who tends to overanalyze and pick up on things that a large portion of society is simply not attuned.
I know I did around 1999 or so....now I'm fine.
I guess my serotonin was off balance....it got balanced within 6 months.
I was off the meds.
I could have made a list of all the reasons everything was
going great in my life...didn't matter...there was no rhyme or reason for the depression
and not even remembering ever being happy....wild stuff.
The brain can get off balance like any other organ....thyroid, pancreas, ya know.
Good luck with this...been there.
Yeah. If you have suicidal thoughts with planning and you suffer from major depression, you MIGHT need some medication. Please make a small effort to save your own life. Thanks.
Since your therapist has not referred you to a psychiatrist by now I question 1) whether you are being 100% truthful to him/her or 2) whether this person is qualified to be helping others.
I'll be looking into taking some medication and telling my therapist about this. I keep trying to make it seem like I am progressing when, apparently, I'm not.
See a doctor! You may very well have something out of whack physically or mentally that needs to be treated with medicine or supplement. Or/And if an anti-depressant is what you need to HELP YOU PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER then by all means take it. It may help you find what's wrong within yourself.
I think most of us will tell you that at one time or another we have felt the same way as you. Maybe not to the degree that it is bothering you personally, and maybe for just a shorter period, but life can be a drag sometimes. What gets most of us through it is that we find more good in everyday life than bad, and that offset helps make life better. Anyone who has gone though a job loss or divorce will tell you that at those times we all wondered if it was worth going on. So you are not unique.
But the fact that it is hanging on so long with you is the problem, and you are taking the right steps to get out of this feeling. Be honest with your Dr and ask them if there isn't some mood elevator that might assist you in feeling better. There is no shame or stigma in doing that, the brain is no different than any other body part, when it needs help there are usually medications to make the problem better.
Good luck.
Don
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Please make a small effort to save your own life. Thanks.
