could use a little pep talk right now (depressed, woman, husband)
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Ok. I have to go to the school districts open house in an hour. I will be around my sister-in-law and bro-in-law. Usually, I feel sick and depressed, sometimes for weeks after seeing them at school functions. I've been digging deep down today to understand why so I can better process it. Understanding the 'why' helps me sometimes.
This couple did all they could to prevent my husband and I from being successful farmers. From harrassing us to the point of leaving the family farm to buy a different farm. To convincing my m-i-l not to sell to us a second time when we ran into hard times at the new farm and wanted to return to the family farm. Unfortunately, there were rumors going around about us at the same time that further helped their cause. My s-i-l and niece have said things to other parents that affected my daughters friendships at school. But digging even deeper, it goes way back. To the fact that I have never felt welcome or accepted by my husbands family. I do not fit in with them- I am not a social person, I am not flawless as they seem to be ( I've had acne, do not have 'femine' features such as nose, and my hair is unmanageable!!). It takes work for me to get ready to go out! I dont go out on weekends drinking like they all do.
What makes it difficult is that, I go the school functions and people are just all around them. My b-i-l is quite popular. He goes out drinking alot.He can be a very nice person to whom he wants. On the other hand, as I mentioned there have been rumors going around about my husband and I (long story- the relatives of the farmer we bought new farm from don't want us here cuz they want the farm for the grandkids) Anyway, I have become quite inhibited at school due to the looks and avoidance I recieved due to the rumors. And it hurts to see so many folks drawn to this b-i-l and s-i-l who have hurt us so and we have seen a really bad side of them that others havent.
Guess it just sucks to have people who have been mean to you be loved by so many others who dont talk to us. I am good! I've always had good intentions with the farm!
So, any quick thoughts of encouragement I can keep with me tonight as I go open house tonight?
Last edited by purplepeach; 08-27-2014 at 05:01 PM..
Reason: used exclamation point instead of question mark
Well, you could do what my Grandma always said,
"F*** 'em."
No really, we really can not care about or look at ''the Jones'"....how they have a better car or whatever...
let alone our in laws that we have had issues with.
It is a discipline to stop the mind from those thoughts...practice makes perfect, tho.
You can have the confidence that a Zebra can't change it's strips...if they are mean...it will show up with
others soon enough.
Now, for you...no matter how you compare yourself to others...be kind and loving to everyone...you will
never go wrong. Be a light to everyone...smile and say something nice to everyone you see.
Everyone needs to be uplifted...so you be the uplifter...
Good for you, making the effort to find out the source of your discomfort with these people. That puts you way ahead of them, already. They sound like self-centered, self-important people with the shallowest of values.
You've heard it before, I know, but you can't change them, only your reaction to them.
Give yourself permission to feel your feelings, but behave thoughtfully in spite of your emotion.
Maybe try that technique for stage fright, picture them naked. That should put a smile on your face.
As far as the other gossip mongers who cares, let them talk, you focus on you, your family and bettering yourselves and let them wither away in their gossip monger messiness.
Trust me, when the gossip mongers are the ones being gossiped about, they change their attitude very quickly.
Also, if the gossip mongers get no reaction from you because you are living your best life they will become bored soon enough and move on to the next one.
Living well is the best revenge and it doesn't cost you anything but kindness, patience and more self confidence.
By the way, don't waste any more time and energy trying to figure out "why" other humans do what they do, it accomplishes nothing but you wasting time and energy on something that really doesn't matter that you can't fix even if you know the "why".
That does not sound like a very fun place to live!
I would pack up and move elsewhere if possible. I would look at it as it is MY life and I have a right to enjoy my life! Not be stuck around a bunch of mean nasty people. So I would do something about it - move elsewhere - not go to the school functions.
Unfortunately school implies kids and a family, so maybe you are stuck there for awhile? But might consider moving / leaving in the future if at all possible.
what has worked for me, when you have an adult woman that really gets under your skin,,,,,be nice to them, smile and gracefully, congratulate her on being pregnant, give her a hug and walk along,,
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