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We all want to create the illusion that we have our s__t together and everything is wonderful. We don't. No one does.
The OP appears to have regrets. If they have always been true to the light / understanding / ability they had at any given time then there is no basis for regrets. Disappointments, maybe, but not regrets. And even if there are real failures on your part, you can't undo them so thinking about them is pointless. Learn from your mistakes and move on.
Even disappointments are the result of unwarranted expectations. Life just is what it is. It is not what we wish it were, imagine it to be, or imagine that it could be. Just only and ever what it is.
Once you get that through your head you feel much less picked on, put upon, and wronged.
Life is not a rational proposition, it is an absurdity. Learn to laugh at the absurdity. Live in the present, let go of the past.
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"Just livin' day by day"
(set 25 days ago)
Location: USA
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the families that may seem "perfect" to you in reality could be going through a host of problems you don't even know about. Some are pros at wearing a mask.
I'm 47 with two cats and no husband or kids, family is on the other side of the country, and sometimes I feel like the OP does. Depression can be hard when you're alone and everyone around you seems to live the good life. But I've found not to worry about keeping up with others anymore. I used to worry all the time that there were invisible life markers, like crossing a line drawn in the sand, of graduating from high school then on to college, get married, get a home with the proverbial picket fence, have the 2.5 kids and a couple of animals. Husband works, I take care of the home, we go on vacations and at 47 my house should be paid off by now or getting pretty close. My kids should be in college and my husband and I should be taking long cruises during his vacation times away from his good paying job. We then retire to a nice home near the ocean with plenty of land and spend our days surrounded by grandchildren on holidays where we take smiling family photos and post them on Facebook to remind everyone else how special we are for following the steps in order and their miserable lives are because they messed up their steps.
That's how the life measuring tape should be to have the perfect life. The steps need to be in order.
For a perfectionist control-freak, there's no possible way to be happy trying to follow life steps in order or to even try to get all of the steps at all. Sometimes it takes people their entire lives, like me, to figure out it just really doesn't matter how many steps or in what order we take them in as long as we treat it like a big buffet that we can choose from to make us happy. Should I choose a husband or no? Should I have the house or just rent an apartment? At this point in life, it's a wonderful feeling to know I have that choice when earlier in life I might not have had any choices.
I like being selfish. I also love finding out all the different ways I can manipulate my past to the way I always wanted it to be like when I bombed all my first year university classes and quit in tears. Or I never did get that pony I really really wanted when I was twelve because we lived in a mobile home park and horses were definitely not allowed. Guess what? I'm 47 now. Went back to college and aced all my classes, got my degree with the grade point -I- wanted. Moved outside of town, got me some land, and guess what? A horse. Not a pony this time. A horse. It's great.
So next time you're feeling depressed and not being able to keep up with the Jones' or thinking you need to be doing happy things other people are doing? Go do something you never got to do as a kid and have yourself a do-over only this time do it the way you always wanted and then smile.
This reminds me of the Natalie Grant song "perfect people." It really resonates with anyone struggling with this type of thing. Your OP didn't mention where you see these photos, but if it is Facebook, I agree you should get off FB completely! Some personality types are unphased by it, which is fine. But if you're not, it can be very depressing. The issue is you are seeing a small glimpse of someone's life - what they electively chose to post. Generally, people aren't going to post about something negative, they are going to post about their new house, great vacation, new car etc. the issue is this is a distorted perception of reality. They are projecting that presence online, but their daily reality could be very similar to yours in some ways, you just don't see that. I do think it can impact your self-worth, but you just have to remember it's not reality for 99% of people, even if it seems that way from their FB. I felt the same way you did & have been off FB a year. I love being off. I've been on trips where I was tempted to reactivate it to "brag" by posting photos, but I didn't. You know what? I enjoyed my trip more not having to look at FB, not having to worth about getting the "perfect" pic to post to it, and not worrying about what others were doing. It has madee
More grateful for small blessings in my own life, because I'm not comparing them to something totally fabricated.
Perfect families on here have come down more to money and possessions than being a real caring loving family... Success and happiness dont always go together..
I have had this problem too. I didn't even really realize it was a sin until I watched Devil's Advocate. Vanity is one of the worst sins, and jealousy is no better. I get tired of friends bragging about their take home pay, and nice vehicles etc. It wasn't until I met my future wife that I was able to at least somewhat take a step back and realize what is really important.
I hate being like this. Everyone's perfect professional family photos, vacations, beautiful homes, christmas etc....I never had kids (never wanted them but now at 40 I regret it and now it's not possible most likely) I'm married but rent a town home that is ok but has some damages from the dogs. We don't live paycheck to paycheck back can't afford vacations. Should I be ashamed of my life? Is it bad I've never owned a home?
I mean it. FB really bothers some people. You seem to be one of them.
Nobody has a perfect life.
My wife's brother has built a complete fantasy on FB. Those of us who actually know him (he was my best friend many years ago before I met my wife) know what he is all about. But on FB he makes himself look like the perfect everything. Every event he's taking pictures for FB. He tells his kids happy birthday on FB for all the world to see in a long paragraph instead of a nice card like we've always done. Everything in his life is on display but always slanted a certain direction.
But the reality of the man is completely different. Divorced twice and a rotation of girlfriends since with one requirement in common, must look good on FB.
His youngest daughter went away to college in another state, so we got to see the status updates for months about how Mr Perfect Dad was going to miss her and how proud of her he was. But he failed to mention that the last place he bought to shack up with his latest GF didn't even have a room for his daughter so she had to stay with her Mom full time and at times with us! Such baloney and that is pretty typical of FB.
I enjoy the pictures and some of the updates but that's about it.
I'm 47 with two cats and no husband or kids, family is on the other side of the country, and sometimes I feel like the OP does. Depression can be hard when you're alone and everyone around you seems to live the good life. But I've found not to worry about keeping up with others anymore. I used to worry all the time that there were invisible life markers, like crossing a line drawn in the sand, of graduating from high school then on to college, get married, get a home with the proverbial picket fence, have the 2.5 kids and a couple of animals. Husband works, I take care of the home, we go on vacations and at 47 my house should be paid off by now or getting pretty close. My kids should be in college and my husband and I should be taking long cruises during his vacation times away from his good paying job. We then retire to a nice home near the ocean with plenty of land and spend our days surrounded by grandchildren on holidays where we take smiling family photos and post them on Facebook to remind everyone else how special we are for following the steps in order and their miserable lives are because they messed up their steps.
That's how the life measuring tape should be to have the perfect life. The steps need to be in order.
For a perfectionist control-freak, there's no possible way to be happy trying to follow life steps in order or to even try to get all of the steps at all. Sometimes it takes people their entire lives, like me, to figure out it just really doesn't matter how many steps or in what order we take them in as long as we treat it like a big buffet that we can choose from to make us happy. Should I choose a husband or no? Should I have the house or just rent an apartment? At this point in life, it's a wonderful feeling to know I have that choice when earlier in life I might not have had any choices.
I like being selfish. I also love finding out all the different ways I can manipulate my past to the way I always wanted it to be like when I bombed all my first year university classes and quit in tears. Or I never did get that pony I really really wanted when I was twelve because we lived in a mobile home park and horses were definitely not allowed. Guess what? I'm 47 now. Went back to college and aced all my classes, got my degree with the grade point -I- wanted. Moved outside of town, got me some land, and guess what? A horse. Not a pony this time. A horse. It's great.
So next time you're feeling depressed and not being able to keep up with the Jones' or thinking you need to be doing happy things other people are doing? Go do something you never got to do as a kid and have yourself a do-over only this time do it the way you always wanted and then smile.
Good for you!!! How can you say you aren't living the American dream? You didn't start the poor me routine & wallow in your sorrows....You DID something about it!!! Loved your post!!
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Steps to a perfect life
