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How do you deal with a pathological liar? I have a friend who I like, we have a lot in common, but she lies all.the.time about ridiculous things. I've known her for about 4 years, but we've spent increasing amounts of time together over the past 2. I had heard from mutual friends that she stretches the truth and it's becoming very apparent now that we've been talking and hanging out more. Lying is a huge pet peeve of mine. I just don't see the point of these lies or why someone feels the need to lie so often. I am too nice a person to just call her out (especially since it's a psychological issue; I'm guessing she doesn't have much control over it) and though I like spending time with her, each lie makes this more and more difficult.
So what would you do? Continue the friendship and try to ignore the fault, try to make her realize what she's doing (if so, how?) or just try to gradually end it? Thanks!
I just ended a friendship over this. The lies were getting increasingly worse / obvious. In addition, the gal has done some illegal things that she is convinced she is going to lie her way out of "if she gets caught". The older I get the less BS I will deal with. Lying is a big pet peeve of mine as well....
I just ended a friendship over this. The lies were getting increasingly worse / obvious. In addition, the gal has done some illegal things that she is convinced she is going to lie her way out of "if she gets caught". The older I get the less BS I will deal with. Lying is a big pet peeve of mine as well....
Oh wow. Well, she hasn't done anything illegal that I know of at least ha ha. It's just a constant stream of lies for no apparent reason. I just don't get it.
Oh wow. Well, she hasn't done anything illegal that I know of at least ha ha. It's just a constant stream of lies for no apparent reason. I just don't get it.
It's a sickness...there is nothing to get except that. Gradually the lies will be so outlandish you will have to wonder why you put up with the behavior.
Have heard it said that people who embellish do so because they believe what they have to offer is meaningless, so in turn they exaggerate to make themselves and/or their lifestyle more attractive.
Out and out lying gets to me as well; once you know a person is a liar, you can't believe anything they say, and you never really get to know them at all.
It's a sickness...there is nothing to get except that. Gradually the lies will be so outlandish you will have to wonder why you put up with the behavior.
I do understand it's a mental disorder, which is why I feel bad for wanting to defriend her. I wouldn't not be friends with someone who had a physical illness, but I just have a hard time seeing her day one thing and doing another and the hypocrisy that comes with that.
Quote:
Originally Posted by katie45
Have heard it said that people who embellish do so because they believe what they have to offer is meaningless, so in turn they exaggerate to make themselves and/or their lifestyle more attractive.
Out and out lying gets to me as well; once you know a person is a liar, you can't believe anything they say, and you never really get to know them at all.
I have heard this and I feel like this might be why she does it. She claims to be a strict vegetarian, sometimes a vegan, but I know she consumes dairy regularly and has eaten hot dogs at birthday parties. She claims to be "in the know" with science and too involved with intellectual matters to be involved with pop culture, but follows reality stars on Facebook and doesn't believe in vaccines or the science behind them. She claims to only shop/give money to stores and companies that are in line with her morals, but talks about deals on products from Hobby Lobby and Wal Mart fairly often. Perhaps the thing that truly got to me was her fostering a dog, then deciding to keep it instead of the dog she already owned (gave it away) then boasting about her work in animal rescue. As someone who IS actively involved in animal rescue and who takes it very seriously, that pissed me off! There are other lies to explain away responses to her child's and pet's behavior and on and on....
Idk.... As I said I generally like her, our children get along, but my good memory and her conflicting words and actions are making it hard for me to stay friends with her. And I don't even know how to say something if I could.
How do you deal with a pathological liar? I have a friend who I like, we have a lot in common, but she lies all.the.time about ridiculous things. I've known her for about 4 years, but we've spent increasing amounts of time together over the past 2. I had heard from mutual friends that she stretches the truth and it's becoming very apparent now that we've been talking and hanging out more. Lying is a huge pet peeve of mine. I just don't see the point of these lies or why someone feels the need to lie so often. I am too nice a person to just call her out (especially since it's a psychological issue; I'm guessing she doesn't have much control over it) and though I like spending time with her, each lie makes this more and more difficult.
So what would you do? Continue the friendship and try to ignore the fault, try to make her realize what she's doing (if so, how?) or just try to gradually end it? Thanks!
If you can continue to ignore the lies then stay friends with her, if not then don't.
It is all your choice what you choose to tolerate and no one but you can make that decision for you.
How do you deal with a pathological liar? I have a friend who I like, we have a lot in common, but she lies all.the.time about ridiculous things. I've known her for about 4 years, but we've spent increasing amounts of time together over the past 2. I had heard from mutual friends that she stretches the truth and it's becoming very apparent now that we've been talking and hanging out more. Lying is a huge pet peeve of mine. I just don't see the point of these lies or why someone feels the need to lie so often. I am too nice a person to just call her out (especially since it's a psychological issue; I'm guessing she doesn't have much control over it) and though I like spending time with her, each lie makes this more and more difficult.
So what would you do? Continue the friendship and try to ignore the fault, try to make her realize what she's doing (if so, how?) or just try to gradually end it? Thanks!
I have dealt with a few of them in my life. They depend on people not calling them out on their completely obvious BS. In severe cases they might even try to include you in their lies right in front of your face. They don't realize that what they do is actually very demeaning and insulting to those who feel they must listen to the BS. So, I usually call them on it in some way or another. That is where it gets tricky. Some of these pathological liars I have had in my life I quite like and I have no desire to crush them or hurt them. Furthermore I do want to continue a relationship with them. One thing they all seemed to have in common is that they are really quite fragile and really don't think the real them is very worthy. So, the secret is to let them know that you are very aware they are full of it but that you like them anyway. If you are absolutely blunt with them it's probably a relationship ender for sure.
I have one close relative that I like and he is the absolute king of the pathological liars. His entire life is a fiction, a pretty good one too, he should write a book on his astonishing life. Anyway, I did not like him to think I believed any of this BS and so I said to him, "Don't talk to me about anything that happened in your life prior to two days ago. I'm just not interested in the past. Tell me what you plan on doing in the future. That has worked well in the 15 years we have been on that footing. He does not BS me cause he knows I don't want to hear it. I never really ever called him a liar but rather put it on myself as not interested in the stories he spun.
I actually find the whole thing quite interesting. Why people do it and what they get out of it. Some people who have quite amazing lives still do it for some reason or another. FDR was a teller of incredible lies about himself, Hillary Clinton has told some pretty huge whoppers and right now we see the unmasking of another serial liar, Bill O'Reilly. I knew that as soon as they uncovered the one big lie of Billo that the many would come to light. It's my observation that these kind of liars are almost always serial in nature. Their egos are so fragile that the need to lie about themselves is irresistible. It's like their entire reality about who they are is upheld by the constant falsification of the truth about anything.
The only pathological liar I've come across was a classmate in high school. Although I graduated from high school about 8 years ago, I still remember this former classmate's tall tales as this was the first time I had been exposed to something like that and was/am shocked that someone could lie like that.
Among my former classmate's stories:
-He claimed to have been admitted into Harvard but turned them down to go to a local college in NYC (while not impossible, this story raised so many red flags, and the student failed to produce an admissions letter despite repeatedly saying he would).
-He claimed to have seen a particular Broadway show on a particular day and time when me and another friend (we had a theater scholarship where we saw one Broadway show per month) were discussing the same show as we had recently seen it with our theater group. The only problem with his story is that the show in question wasn't playing on that day/time.
-He claimed to have received a higher grade on a certain AP exam than he actually did.
The list goes on and on, but you get the point. Lying is terrible to me to begin with, but pathological liars take it to whole different level. And for what? Odds are pathological liars will be caught/called on their crap.
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