Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I have another thread concerning my son and his wife who is Filipino (now a citizen of the US) and how in her culture, if they have issues in their family that they cannot solve, they take it to their parents for help and then follow the advice to see if that works. I got some hostility concerning my being involved since the DIL brought this to me. This got me to thinking that why is it so wrong to do that. They claimed the marriage was intimate, etc. but how many couples rush off to counseling with a stranger? The issue with a stranger/counselor is that most likely, they will not share the values and morals of the family especially in our case since we are God-based in our thoughts.
I have always felt that counselors were for people that could not talk to family and friends which seems much more common today than 20 years ago. Now, we have a mental health clinic in nearly every town and still, people seem so messed up.
So, doesn't it seem seem a good cultural trait to involve your family and friends when you need advice, comfort, etc.? It does to me. This seems to be a way to preserve family morals and values rather than taking on those of a total stranger/counselor.
Most of the time people seek counseling to address an issue that involves family so taking it to the family might be like opening a can of worms. There is safety in consulting a stranger and talking out situations that arise.
I agree it would be nice to be able to talk it out with say the elders of the family but I don't think it would work in American society. Sometimes all it takes is for someone to listen and not too many people have "functional" families in America. I think most are disfunctional.
I know if I had a problem that I couldn't talk about with my wife I would go to a professional over anyone else in my family.
The counselor is unbiased, nonjudgemental and has no idea of the family dynamics.
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,458,803 times
Reputation: 6670
Yes, Filipino culture really seems to place a much higher priority on the "family" than most Americans do. Indeed, compared to most of the world where 'community' and interpersonal relations are much stronger, and instead we seem to have a sort of "obsession" with our "independence" and sense of "personal freedom".
That said, most folks in the U.S. live apart from their parents, aunts and uncles, etc.., unlike say, in the P.I., where families often share their home, car, money, food, childcare, whatever. So why wouldn't Americans also wanna handle their family problems "independently" too? It's certainly 'tidier' with less chance of whipping up any unnecessary 'drama' to further polarize the family, and a so-called counseling "outsider" usually has some professional training…unlike mom or dad.
Although I still agree, there's a tradeoff, and something does get lost in the 'process'. Welcome to 'modernity' (lol)!
I watched a documentary on Vietnam. If a son or daughter disappoints their parents. It first turns verbally abusive by the parents followed by physically violence if the children continually disappoint the parents. This is countered by the children using threats of suicide up to and including suicide. This is known as guerrilla warfare tactics.
A person has to study cultures outside their own. There is a science known as sociology that explores this aspect of the human condition. Often times those who do not come from violent households or a violent upbringing are not skilled or qualified to understand blood feuds.
No, therapists and counselors are supposed to be impartial and dispassionate. They are also trained in personality disorders. There is a big difference between getting professional counseling and going to family members. Family boundaries are healthy.
Also, I think the US is in the minority as far as cultures that favor boundaries between family members, compared to the rest of the world.
I went to my Mom with my problems as an adult until she died 26 years ago. I have my 2 sisters and a younger brother who are my best friends and we talk several times a week. My little bro in TX calls me everyday. My son and I talk about everything, but he'll need to seek Professional help dealing in the areas that I have no experience in.
There are things that family don't understand and I do seek the advice of a Professional for those things when I need to.
My oldest brother married a girl from China and she lived with her parents until she married him at age 42. He lives in China now and I don't know if they seek advice from her parents. I do know that respecting the elders is just a given there.
He did tell us the first time he came home for a visit that his MIL would come to their apt and re-arrange their furniture! hahaha He'd move it back after she left. I don't know if that still happens as we only e-mail occasionally and I think it would be rude of me to ask. lol
Location: On the "Left Coast", somewhere in "the Land of Fruits & Nuts"
8,852 posts, read 10,458,803 times
Reputation: 6670
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aleister Crowley
I watched a documentary on Vietnam. If a son or daughter disappoints their parents. It first turns verbally abusive by the parents followed by physically violence if the children continually disappoint the parents. This is countered by the children using threats of suicide up to and including suicide. This is known as guerrilla warfare tactics.
A person has to study cultures outside their own. There is a science known as sociology that explores this aspect of the human condition. Often times those who do not come from violent households or a violent upbringing are not skilled or qualified to understand blood feuds.
Yeah, the emphasis on "keeping it in the family" seems to be more of a "tribal" thang, with the 'Family' being the oldest and most basic form of "Tribal Unit" (aka, "other people just like me"). Although the modern notion of "autonomy" and 'independence' from the demands of traditional Tribal Culture, also assumes a lot of things… like an individual's ability to provide for their own needs now, totally independent of whatever the Tribal/Family support system has always provided for thousands of years (regardless whether physical, emotional or spiritual needs).
An "outsider" is much more objective & rational, able to see problems/issues precisely because they are not a part of that particular family system. I think families that are "closed circuit" are much more dysfunctional here in 2015 in America anyways.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
