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I noticed something peculiar and hypocritical about my female friend - She has no problem with lesbians (which is a good thing of course), BUT when it comes to gay men she can get nasty.
For example, when lesbians are shown making out, she has no problem with them - She has even said that they are aesthetic and that gay guys look gross in comparison. She badmouths gay men, and yet at the same time she's told me that she likes to watch lesbian Youtubers.
Not to mention, when attractive guys are gay (Ricky Martin, Wentworth Miller) she stubbornly disbelieves it and goes like "they're too hot". Her idea of a gay man is campy, sassy and quirky. She won't like it if it's a hot one.
I just don't get this "psychology" of hers. I'm a closeted gay man (at least to her). I get angry when she does this in front of me. She's a married woman, btw. Would you call her insecure or plain sexist? What's the psychology behind a woman who isn't into gay men but has no problem with lesbians?
Because deep down she wants to f those guys that look like Wentworth Miller or Ricky Martin ot the "hot" gay type guy. She probably is jealous. Wtf is campy?
She's could be bi if she gets turned on by looking at women making out, and she probably has a big ego that is ticked that there is a certain subset of men who wouldn't want her.
I agree with this.
How long have you known her? I wonder if maybe she dated a guy, like in high school, that came out later, maybe even dumped because he was gay. Now she is bitter to them all.
My husband was talking about this at work recently actually. We just started watching the show 'Shameless' and his coworker (who he doesn't like) said he couldn't watch it because of the male gay sex scenes. It was too disgusting. My husband asked him he was bothered female gay sex and he said, no that that was hot .
I think what it comes down to is this type of person thinks men are superior to women. When they see women acting "like men" (in their way of thinking), that's less offensive because men are superior, so 2 women acting like men is understandable. But when men act "like women" such as 2 men kissing or some other graphic image coming into their minds, they just can't handle it, because for them it is men acting like women and this is a major affront to their entire way of thinking. For most people who think this way, it is usually unconscious.
I see your point, but I disagree. I just don't see anything "womanly" about two guys making out. Now by that logic, when two girls make out it's "manly"? In fact, guy on guy action is the most masculine thing in erotica - Why do people (both genders) call it "gross"? Gay sex involves two sweaty, testosterone filled men doing it, with no softness of a female involved. Masculinity, or at least manhood, has always been painted as negatively (at least in modern history, not counting Greek/Roman history), whilst femininity (and the female form) has gotten the complete opposite response in today's world.
She can't be that ignorant or obtuse. But I wouldn't be surprised if she were to believe this.
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How long have you known her? I wonder if maybe she dated a guy, like in high school, that came out later, maybe even dumped because he was gay. Now she is bitter to them all.
My husband was talking about this at work recently actually. We just started watching the show 'Shameless' and his coworker (who he doesn't like) said he couldn't watch it because of the male gay sex scenes. It was too disgusting. My husband asked him he was bothered female gay sex and he said, no that that was hot
I've known her for 5 years. We are good friends. She has never made contact with a gay man (at least one that isn't closeted).
About your husband's friend, that's fair enough. A man is visual, so it's understandable that he doesn't want to see two guys doing it. Though he will only "cross the line" if says that gay men aren't natural and stuff in the likes. Now that's hypocrisy. But enjoying lesbian porn and finding gay porn gross is alright. Heck, there are gay men who find lesbian porn gross.
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Originally Posted by sheena12
This does not apply to all Lesbians, but I knew two of them who were completely disgusted by Gay men. It rather shocked me. They were vociferous and nasty to the point where I had to curtail the friendship.
Again, not all - or even most Lesbians act this way. But these two certainly did.
My other guess is that they come from a culture of ethnic group that gives men very little leeway when it comes to the expression of non normative gender roles, but is more comfortable with women who are act in more conventionally masculine ways. Generally speaking, working class people hold these beliefs.
This friend sounds so much like these two former neighbors. When I first met them, they were married. I had no idea that they were closeted Lesbians. Finally, they came out.
Before they did, in retrospect, as seemingly straight women, their interest in Gay men and in men who they perceived as "effeminate" was off the charts. Yet they had nothing but respect for Lesbians.
They were also both from working class backgrounds and one came from a culture that is not known for it's receptivity towards Gay men.
Such foul snakes! What was their ethnicity, just out of curiosity? Something tells me that they're from the Middle East.
Lesbians are usually more nicer towards gay men than vice versa. I really can't believe people like that exist. I would spit on their faces if I were to see them. I hate hypocrites, especially those within the gay community.
To be honest your friend does not think any different than many. Lesbians........well general population may not be turned on but when it comes to gay guys they are the butt of all jokes. Heterosexual men, heterosexual women, and even lesbians can be quite vicious once a gay man enters the picture.
To be honest your friend does not think any different than many. Lesbians........well general population may not be turned on but when it comes to gay guys they are the butt of all jokes. Heterosexual men, heterosexual women, and even lesbians can be quite vicious once a gay man enters the picture.
You mean the general MALE population. Sure, the general population is not turned by gay men, but that doesn't mean they're making fun of them.
Btw, most girls who find gay guys icky are also turned off by lesbians. My friend seemed to be a "special case".
Furthermore, it's usually lesbians who cop brutal jokes from gay men. Heard of Milo Yiannopoluos? He's a gay guy who makes foul jokes about lesbians. And there are a lot where he came from. Lesbians, besides the few, are rather nurturing of gay men. Perhaps it's because they don't compete with gay guys and many gay guys tend to be supporters of women? So why would they be more vicious towards gay guys when straight men are usually the sexist and homophobic ones?
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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The latest data I saw, (probably under-reported so low) was that 1.8 % of the population is gay. Studies have shown that 60% of hetero women have admitted being attracted to or fantasized about other women. It seems only natural then, that a (married) woman would be more tolerant of gay women than men.
Well, prejudice and bias can exist in odd combinations in all of us, I guess.
I very much believe that is true. And the solution is gentle education and patience.
It sounds like your friend is operating under her own stereotypes and lack of experience with friendships with gay men.
That's pretty ironic with you as a friend, isn't it, OP? If only she knew. . .
Maybe you have to power to educate her by example.
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