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So far as work goes and/or supervising other people... Having had children and been married goes a LONG way toward being patient and understanding of other people. Those who have had relationships at least will be much more successful.
Also understanding and empathy of other people (current batch of young narcissists excepted) - having had a relationship and children sure helps one to understand others - walk in their "shoes".
Note I was also expecting to see "hazing" in this thread... But that is when a new young person starts a job or begins working with others - usually a dangerous job where other people's lives may depend on the actions of the new person. The group will give him a "hazing". Put him through a bit of stress to see how he reacts. This is a test to see in advance what the person will do in an emergency - see if the person can be trusted and depended on.
Another thing is "play". People will play, but actually they are "practice/learning" for skills which will be needed later in life. For example everybody and their brother "tripped" me when I was in middle school. Later in life I am very good at not falling when I trip - that has saved my "nose/teeth" from being injured on many occasions!
Thank you for your helpful examples I am very fortunate and blessed in that when I first started working, I experienced very little if any hazing. Also very good point about the "play/practice/learning" theme; again many thanks for your interesting thoughts and commentary.
I think that there is at least one life experience or "milestone," that if a person has NOT had it when young, will seriously affect their adult functioning. That experience is failure.
Most of us learn our most important life lessons from having failed at something. Those negative experiences help to carve us into the adults we become. Even small "failures" teach us something: Every time I got a word wrong on a vocabulary test in school, it resulted in my learning that particular word for life and never forgetting it. If I was ever late for something, and missed out on something good because I was late, that meant I'd make sure I was never late again. Through experiences of success and failure as a child, I learned that while I'm pretty good at drawing, I'd never be an Olympic level softball player.
But I see far too many young adults who have been "spared" any experience of failure, and when it happens in adulthood, they fall apart, or freak out, or otherwise can't handle it. These people often expect to be applauded for every little task they perform, even if it's something normal and expected and not very special. They often can't take negative or constructive criticism. If they are late for work several times, they expect that it will be overlooked because it "wasn't their fault." If someone seems to dislike them, they can't handle it, because they've only been told how likeable they are.
Too many parents think they are helping a kid by doing things like fighting/challenging a bad grade from a teacher, making sure even the poor athletes get trophies, letting slide some consequences for some bad act, or encouraging some "talent" for which the kid isn't really talented. But they are causing harm, and creating an adult who can't handle life.
I look back on any failures I've had in life as very valuable experiences, and though at the time I might have felt hurt or disappointed, I would never trade those experiences for the world.
So give me any amount of people who has "missed out" on common life milestones or experiences, and I'll bet they are still able to function as pretty competent people. But give me someone who has never had failure or disappointment, and I'll show you a maladjusted person who can't function as a competent adult.
Confirmation and baptism were just meant as 2 examples of possible major life milestones that a person may encounter that I had listed. There are of course many more that are applicable; those are just 2 examples though that I could think of, from off the top of my head is all.
Someone earlier picked better examples: high school graduation, getting your driver's license, college graduation, that kind of thing are milestones that are related in part to a person's growth and formation. But mainly it's your upbringing that determines that, schooling, sometimes summer camp has an important influence on kids' character growth. By the time you're an adult, you're character is almost fully formed. The Jesuits have always said that the first 6 years determine everything; they set the personality on the path it will take for the rest of its life.
It depends on where you are, basically. Have you done the same things as your peer group? Do you even have a peer group? Not everyone does. Generally, groups of folks sort of do the same sort of things, I guess it gives them something to talk about and a way to compare themselves to each other. But, being outside of that sort of structure has it's own strengths as well as it's own drawbacks, too. If not having done many of the same things as the folks around you bothers you over much move to somewhere totally exotic. Then you won't expect that you should have done the same things.
So give me any amount of people who has "missed out" on common life milestones or experiences, and I'll bet they are still able to function as pretty competent people. But give me someone who has never had failure or disappointment, and I'll show you a maladjusted person who can't function as a competent adult.
C-D wouldn't let me rep you, but this is the best post I've read in a while.
Someone earlier picked better examples: high school graduation, getting your driver's license, college graduation, that kind of thing are milestones that are related in part to a person's growth and formation.
Growth and formation are not achieved by learning how to drive a car or formal education.
What are considered "normal milestones" vary widely by the culture in which you were raised. In the Jewish faith, a bar/bat mitvah is considered a huge milestone. Would Jewish people feel they missed something by not going through that ceremony? Probably. Does anyone else feel "stunted" by not having one? No.
I think that there is at least one life experience or "milestone," that if a person has NOT had it when young, will seriously affect their adult functioning. That experience is failure.
...So give me any amount of people who has "missed out" on common life milestones or experiences, and I'll bet they are still able to function as pretty competent people. But give me someone who has never had failure or disappointment, and I'll show you a maladjusted person who can't function as a competent adult.
This is right up there near the top...maybe it is the top.
I watched a friend raise her son for twenty years, always restructuring and reinterpreting his failures growing up as simply different versions of success. She never allowed him to learn that you can just plain fail sometimes, no matter what. At twenty-one this fellow is, as you mention, unable to function as an adult. He is totally unable to accept a situation in which his performance does not measure up to an expected standard...that has to be wrong, it cannot be true, he is being attacked for no reason. Out of school for five years, and he is only capable of working the few hours he cares to for a doting grandmother, who treats him as a pet.
I look at him and he is cluelessness incarnate.
I cannot imagine what will become of him. He seems like a child mindlessly playing in the road until some car will turn the corner and run over him.
Growth and formation are not achieved by learning how to drive a car or formal education.
What are considered "normal milestones" vary widely by the culture in which you were raised. In the Jewish faith, a bar/bat mitvah is considered a huge milestone. Would Jewish people feel they missed something by not going through that ceremony? Probably. Does anyone else feel "stunted" by not having one? No.
I feel you are contradicting yourself.
I am a non-Jew who spent most of his work life and much of his social life in NYC amongst Jews. So, I very much agree with your valuation of the bar/bat mitzvah among Jews.
But, formal education among some cultural or class groups certainly is considered to shape and form an individual, and the formal completion of stages of education have great significance. I knew Chinese and Korean families in NYC who would have been appalled at your statement. Education had almost a religious aura about it, and educational milestones were of huge importance.
Sex is the least important rite of passage. Probably 95% of the most impressive humans who ever lived were virgins.
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I am very fortunate and blessed in that when I first started working, I experienced very little if any hazing. Also very good point about the "play/practice/learning" theme; again many thanks for your interesting thoughts and commentary.
