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I can see how she keeps getting into so many knock-down drag-out fights with that attitude. I think she needs to cool her jets and think before she acts, but that's not necessarily a mental problem.
She is charming and engaged in volatile relations. She creates chaos where / when she desires. She presents as emotionally cool. She uses others and is used by others. It doesn't sound like she has clear boundaries, whether it is work, home, personal, or professional.
You got 45 days (minus) to be there. It is not your circus and not your monkey. Enjoy the parade while you can. What does it matter and what is the benefit in knowing? It will not change anything and she didn't ask for help. Sometimes understanding is not a benefit. She is hard-wired for this stuff and you are just curious. Leave this one alone. You will have better luck throwing rocks at a hornet's nest.
Why would someone not affected want to get pulled up into this on any level?
Hello, Before i begin i need to say. I have been a Legal Guardian of a friend from childhood that is a chronic Schizophrenic since 1998. I have been through quite a bit. They can always surprise you even though you think you have seen it all.
Our new secretary might have a problem.
Age 43 Widowed twice. First husband shot himself in the head in front of her. Second husband had a heart attack. About a year ago she broke up with her common law husband. He was a drunk that beat her up. They were fighting and she got kneed in the cheek and broke the orbital bone.She is going to college and is about to graduate with an Engineering degree.
She seems to be a little bit Dr Hyed and Dr Jeckyl. Totally different attitude when boss is here and then not. Real meek acting when he is here and then comes on very strong to me when he is gone. I pretty well contained her when i told her: :look i only have about 45 days before i retire. Cool your heels and when i am gone you can do what you want: She smiled and almost gave a fist punch into the air like alright!
She wants to argue with quite a few people in her life also. I can think of about 4 or 5 arguments in the last month she has been in. She rented a room to a guy and that lasted 2 weeks before an argument. She told the guy" you are on unemployment and i work. You clean this house up today!" He was gone in a week. Monday she calls in and her last boyfriend/ husband shoved he around and tore up her house. The reason was because he didn't give her anymore money and she shut his cell phone off. Last week he gave her money to pay her cellphone bill. My self i learned years ago. When someone beats you up then you get away from them and stay away from them. Yesterday we find out that the new car she is driving belongs to the EX She talks to herself quite a bit when the boss is gone but not when he is here. Right now she is in the back room in a screaming argument on the telephone to her ex.
Opinions?
Something is very strange about your workplace if you know all these details about your secretary's life. A bizarre range of facts from the first husband's suicide to details about whose phone bill she is paying. Way too much information. Especially for you a guy who is retiring in 45 days. I find it hard to imagine the conversations in which you (and all your co-workers?) would have learned all of this. I couldn't even tell you the last name of the secretary I worked with for 12 years. Whatever her mental state may be, all of these details are highly inappropriate topics for workplace discussion.
My opinion is to stop interacting with or even thinking about this secretary and spend your last 6 weeks doing all the normal stuff lame duck employees do... fill out paperwork, play solitaire, schedule dr. appointments and eye exams, take the afternoon off to play golf or go to happy hour early, etc.
She is charming and engaged in volatile relations. She creates chaos where / when she desires. She presents as emotionally cool. She uses others and is used by others. It doesn't sound like she has clear boundaries, whether it is work, home, personal, or professional.
You got 45 days (minus) to be there. It is not your circus and not your monkey. Enjoy the parade while you can. What does it matter and what is the benefit in knowing? It will not change anything and she didn't ask for help. Sometimes understanding is not a benefit. She is hard-wired for this stuff and you are just curious. Leave this one alone. You will have better luck throwing rocks at a hornet's nest.
Why would someone not affected want to get pulled up into this on any level?
This type of person is actually kind of a rare bird. A classic victim, through and through. Victims love sympathy. "Poor dear, has such bad luck with men." Victims expect to be cut a lot of slack, because all of this bad stuff is happening to them, and you would have to be a jerk to not feel some sort of compassion, right? It is not what they have done with their lives, but what the lives of others have done to them. These people are hard to deal with because of the smoke screen that they create. It is not until the dust settles, if it ever does, when the victim can be seen for what they are.
They are rare as they are not just a victim, but actually more of a perpetrator. This make them dangerous to have be around in a social setting like work. Another member posted,something to the effect, that they thought it was unusual for everyone in the office to know everything about this person. You have to kick up a lot of dust in order to make a smoke screen. It is a jag to this vic/perp to know that everyone it talking bout them. They are the center of attention. Eventually, things will fall apart for this person. I doubt it will be before 45 days.
I say just mind your own business, till after you retire. I assume that you are not moving to Mars right after retirement, so if you need to share something, wait until you are safely an outsider. Until then, give that person a wide birth.
what's her ethnic background? in some cultures such as mediterranean ones, lots of loud outspokenness is the norm. this is usually a real shock to northern european culture people. could also be a matter of social class communications and manners, they do vary according to the "class" of society you came from. (brits have a term- "well-bred". even thier northern euro culture has a lot of colorful people at certain levels while others hold themselves to a "higher" stricter code of conduct, which they train their kids to conform to).
plus many who have been abused too much tend to be volatile or labile in their emotions- they are hard to contain and may change quickly.
there's no reason that her immediate supervisor couldn't tell her kindly, to tone it down, she's too outspoken and too noisy in the office.
how about offering her some relaxation herbal tea, lol. chamomile, etc. she needs it!
Quote:
Originally Posted by Versatile
Hello, Before i begin i need to say. I have been a Legal Guardian of a friend from childhood that is a chronic Schizophrenic since 1998. I have been through quite a bit. They can always surprise you even though you think you have seen it all.
Our new secretary might have a problem.
Age 43 Widowed twice. First husband shot himself in the head in front of her. Second husband had a heart attack. About a year ago she broke up with her common law husband. He was a drunk that beat her up. They were fighting and she got kneed in the cheek and broke the orbital bone.She is going to college and is about to graduate with an Engineering degree.
She seems to be a little bit Dr Hyed and Dr Jeckyl. Totally different attitude when boss is here and then not. Real meek acting when he is here and then comes on very strong to me when he is gone. I pretty well contained her when i told her: :look i only have about 45 days before i retire. Cool your heels and when i am gone you can do what you want: She smiled and almost gave a fist punch into the air like alright!
She wants to argue with quite a few people in her life also. I can think of about 4 or 5 arguments in the last month she has been in. She rented a room to a guy and that lasted 2 weeks before an argument. She told the guy" you are on unemployment and i work. You clean this house up today!" He was gone in a week. Monday she calls in and her last boyfriend/ husband shoved he around and tore up her house. The reason was because he didn't give her anymore money and she shut his cell phone off. Last week he gave her money to pay her cellphone bill. My self i learned years ago. When someone beats you up then you get away from them and stay away from them. Yesterday we find out that the new car she is driving belongs to the EX She talks to herself quite a bit when the boss is gone but not when he is here. Right now she is in the back room in a screaming argument on the telephone to her ex.
Opinions?
Last edited by 2bpurrfect; 07-02-2015 at 09:04 PM..
First husband shot himself in the head in front of her.
Second husband had a heart attack.
About a year ago she broke up with her common law husband. He was a drunk that beat her up.
This is your answer why she comes up with like that. It does not mean she would have a problem and last schizophrenia. Many people have a work personality and home personality because work and home are often different things.
She could be self-protective and could take something as insult from you. She is probably been abused and bullied, distrusted and accused for things that she never done.
Some people think hard experiences disappear by snapping fingers but dealing for years with abusive people also changes thoughts of self and others, especially men in this case.
She is stressed out
First you ask opinions and then scream the replier is wrong.. Are you schizo or just drama queen? People like yourself want their view to be taken as it is and accepted. They don't want wrong views as you don't want either.
I would say she is insulted because she have to prove herself to men at work because men are giving pressures to questioning her. Of couse stress from home keeps her nerves explosive and short for such sexist attitude.
Women grewn up with ****ty men or from broken homes are not mental ill, they just have different ways to express themselves. Also at some cultures it is very normal to explode time to time.
I would guess she is not ill in that matter but just bad experiences and going on crisis why she would need new ways to view things and deal with stress. And of course leave abusive guys.
You are wrong. I am neither what you say. It is my job and has been my job to run this office for the last 15 years when the boss is gone it is my duty to listen from another room when she talks to clients. She is still on her 90 probation period. No employee has the right to come in my office and point their finger at me and talk to me in a hard voice and then stomp out of my office.
I guarantee you she is a drama queen like others have stated here. Seems to me you are just defending women in general. You aren't here at all and i am. Some thing you don't know is that i put my sympathy with a lot of women that i have seen abused. As a severely handicapped person i have felt quite a few slights over the years by able bodied men. Your opinion is just that. Your opinion. Quit shooting from the hip.Before you spout off again i am not whining about my medical condition i just used that to illustrate what i have seen done to women and what i have had done to me.
Hello, Before i begin i need to say. I have been a Legal Guardian of a friend from childhood that is a chronic Schizophrenic since 1998. I have been through quite a bit. They can always surprise you even though you think you have seen it all.
Our new secretary might have a problem. Age 43 Widowed twice. First husband shot himself in the head in front of her. Second husband had a heart attack. About a year ago she broke up with her common law husband. He was a drunk that beat her up. They were fighting and she got kneed in the cheek and broke the orbital bone.She is going to college and is about to graduate with an Engineering degree.
She seems to be a little bit Dr Hyed and Dr Jeckyl. Totally different attitude when boss is here and then not. Real meek acting when he is here and then comes on very strong to me when he is gone. I pretty well contained her when i told her: :look i only have about 45 days before i retire. Cool your heels and when i am gone you can do what you want: She smiled and almost gave a fist punch into the air like alright!
She wants to argue with quite a few people in her life also. I can think of about 4 or 5 arguments in the last month she has been in. She rented a room to a guy and that lasted 2 weeks before an argument. She told the guy" you are on unemployment and i work. You clean this house up today!" He was gone in a week. Monday she calls in and her last boyfriend/ husband shoved he around and tore up her house. The reason was because he didn't give her anymore money and she shut his cell phone off. Last week he gave her money to pay her cellphone bill. My self i learned years ago. When someone beats you up then you get away from them and stay away from them. Yesterday we find out that the new car she is driving belongs to the EX She talks to herself quite a bit when the boss is gone but not when he is here. Right now she is in the back room in a screaming argument on the telephone to her ex.
Opinions?
First, I think you're sending her mixed signals. Secondly, she is doing an admirable job with her life considering all she's been through, so you shouldn't be bashing her or her behavior.
what's her ethnic background? in some cultures such as mediterranean ones, lots of loud outspokenness is the norm. this is usually a real shock to northern european culture people. could also be a matter of social class communications and manners, they do vary according to the "class" of society you came from. (brits have a term- "well-bred". even thier northern euro culture has a lot of colorful people at certain levels while others hold themselves to a "higher" stricter code of conduct, which they train their kids to conform to).
plus many who have been abused too much tend to be volatile or labile in their emotions- they are hard to contain and may change quickly.
there's no reason that her immediate supervisor couldn't tell her kindly, to tone it down, she's too outspoken and too noisy in the office.
how about offering her some relaxation herbal tea, lol. chamomile, etc. she needs it!
there's no reason that her immediate supervisor couldn't tell her kindly, to tone it down
I am the supervisor when the boss is gone. He will be gone from the 7th of this month until July 30,2015
She is white. I am very familiar with the drama that Latin women show.
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Low self esteem, running amuck!
