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My husband died while I was taking him for a ride, in the front yard,just to get out of the house.he just dropped to the ground and he was gone! I called the EMS squad and the worked on him then and there, lying in the yard. I watched while they worked on him and could not believe what was REALLY happening. He died this past February and I have not been able to function yet, I'm not sure I ever will again. We were married 52 years and I was the one that should have gone first. Does anyone else out there feel the same ???how does a person get over this?
I'm sorry for your loss. The phases of grief that you are experiencing are very normal and universal, and very little time has elapsed since then. Grieving and bereavement generally take a while to process through, and no two peoples' experiences with them are identical, but five months is a really short amount of time when grieving a longtime spouse's death. Do you have anyone supportive who can help you through the grief process? Loved ones, peers, a support group, a grief counselor? Any of these things are great resources that can help you progress through what are very normal stages of moving past such a loss.
Just this past April, wife of 40 years lost a 3.5 year battle with non-Alzheimer's dementia, a disease I wouldn't wish on any human being. With the help of caregivers 11 hrs. a day, I was able to keep her at home but it still took two of us to tend to her, especially he last 6 months. I don't know how a loving God can allow a truly good person like her to suffer as she did, but He presented me with a mountain I don't think I can climb. I empathize fully with you.
Oh Kitty, I am so very sorry! And how terribly traumatic for you! Grief is such a a personal thing. Do you have friends or family that you can talk to about what happened, or perhaps a trusted counselor?
Kitty: My deepest sympathy. We live in KS where a lot of people are seniors and yes, I see this. Have you tried the "Grief and Loss" section, reading through it here at C-D. Do not let this get the best of you. I had a friend where we last lived and he had taken care of his wife for 4 years knowing the end was coming in his case but he became VERY depressed. I knew both he and his daughter, only a little but both were being very open with me.
Here is what I learned: He was thinking of maybe just "ending" it all so everyone was concerned. His daughter was encouraging him to go to counseling because he wasn't comfortable discussing whatever it was that he apparently needed to discuss. He did realize that people cared about him and I am sure they care about you too Kitty and are really concerned. A lot of people don't know what to say so say nothing.
Well, one day when I saw him out on his walk, he told me that he just came back from seeing a counselor at the mental health clinic in town ( most towns have them and they often have a sliding scale fee based on ability to pay). He said that he went in and asked her "What do you want to know?" and she said "Just talk." He said that he just started talking and now felt so much better. He saw her a couple of more times, just talking and it really did help. I think he didn't want to burden anyone else although none of us would have felt burdened. He was a nice man and terribly lost without his wife at his side.
So, that might be something you could consider and their are groups online and in person groups. And, your husband lives on in your memories and in your heart and I am sure he would want you to not suffer the way you are.
Don't let this get the best of you. I know this is hard because I have known many people who lost their spouse, some older and some younger. Again, my deepest sympathy.
Anywhere else has a good idea. Also, there might be a grief group in your town. Sometimes hospitals give them meeting space. Google grief group or grief counseling and the name of your town to find one.
You've also been reminded that your DH's death could have been so much worse than it was. And, hard as it was for you, it could have been much worse.
I do not want to minimize your heartbreak, and sense of loss. But thinking about this in a new way might help.
My wife of 30 years died in my arms after an extended illness. One night, a few months prior to her passing, sustains me like no other in my grief. We were curled up together in our bed and she said quietly into my chest, "I wish I could curl up inside you forever." She's done just that. Everywhere I go, everything I do is with her. This has filled my life with thoughtfulness about my every intention and action. This thoughtfulness has expanded my heart and my consciousness. I am strangely happy in spite of missing her externally.
My wife of 30 years died in my arms after an extended illness. One night, a few months prior to her passing, sustains me like no other in my grief. We were curled up together in our bed and she said quietly into my chest, "I wish I could curl up inside you forever." She's done just that. Everywhere I go, everything I do is with her. This has filled my life with thoughtfulness about my every intention and action. This thoughtfulness has expanded my heart and my consciousness. I am strangely happy in spite of missing her externally.
Consider yourself Lucky to have HAD a mate for so many years.
Most people cannot make that Claim!
Remember what he stood for...and why you loved him...and the good things that you had together.
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