What's the worst thing you ever ACCIDENTALLY said to someone? (mom, husband)
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
We've all put our foot in our mouth before. Sometimes it's truly accidental, and sometimes I think we have a subconscious reason for saying something we say to someone. Tell us something you said and why - and how you and the other person handled it.
Here's my example. This is the worst, most embarrassing thing I ever said to anyone, and I cringe every time I recall it:
This was in a conversation with my former mother in law. My (now ex) husband had told me that when he was very small, he had a little brother who had died in infancy. I had never had a discussion about this deceased baby with my mother in law.
I was pregnant with the first grandchild and was discussing possible names with my mother in law, like people do. She said, "If it's a boy, you could name him Bernard."
"Bernard?" I said, "No...that sounds like the name of a dog to me."
You guessed it.
She said, "That's my dead baby's name."
OMG. Please, earth, open and swallow me right this minute.
All I could say was, "I'm so sorry - I had no idea." Really, I can't think of anything else I could have said.
You didn't know it was her dead baby's name though, did you? Or did you forget? I don't think it's such a major deal.
Besides the point but I don't see how Bernard sounds like a dog's name to me. Maybe you were thinking of St. Bernard? haha. It's not like she suggested Rusty or something, haha.
About 35 years ago, I used an old Southern epithet to describe a situation and as soon as it came out of my mouth, it hit me that I had uttered something racist.
I had heard the phrase all my life to describe a situation where facts were hidden . . . so it was what came to my mind to describe what I felt was going on behind the scenes and it just rolled off my tongue b/f I even realized what I had said. I immediately knew I had embarrassed myself on oh so many levels . . . but there was no un-ringing the bell.
Nearly four decades later, it ranks as the most embarrassing moment of my life. I took the opoprtunity at that point to re-examine so much of the "colorful" speech I had incorporated into my vocabulary/speech from childhood -- and which was regularly spoken by people around me -- and realized how inculcated these phrases had become in my thought process. As a writer, I could censor myself on paper, but it was shocking to realize how many racist phrases were floating around in my brain as part of a cultural language I had learned from infancy.
It has also made me very sensitive to how we unwittingly teach our children racism and bigotry through casual conversation and thoughtless descriptive phrases.
You didn't know it was her dead baby's name though, did you? Or did you forget? I don't think it's such a major deal.
Besides the point but I don't see how Bernard sounds like a dog's name to me. Maybe you were thinking of St. Bernard? haha. It's not like she suggested Rusty or something, haha.
No, of course I didn't know it was her dead baby's name!
And I still think it sounds like a dog's name, but names are weird like that. We have associations with them that sometimes don't make sense. Maybe I knew someone with a dog named Bernard at one time, I don't know.
About 35 years ago, I used an old Southern epithet to describe a situation and as soon as it came out of my mouth, it hit me that I had uttered something racist.
I had heard the phrase all my life to describe a situation where facts were hidden . . . so it was what came to my mind to describe what I felt was going on behind the scenes and it just rolled off my tongue b/f I even realized what I had said. I immediately knew I had embarrassed myself on oh so many levels . . . but there was no un-ringing the bell.
Nearly four decades later, it ranks as the most embarrassing moment of my life. I took the opoprtunity at that point to re-examine so much of the "colorful" speech I had incorporated into my vocabulary/speech from childhood -- and which was regularly spoken by people around me -- and realized how inculcated these phrases had become in my thought process. As a writer, I could censor myself on paper, but it was shocking to realize how many racist phrases were floating around in my brain as part of a cultural language I had learned from infancy.
It has also made me very sensitive to how we unwittingly teach our children racism and bigotry through casual conversation and thoughtless descriptive phrases.
Right. A lot of phrases, especially "old timey" phrases, are rooted in racism.
My dad still says, "I'm going to try to Jew him down." WHAT THE HECK! When I call him out on this, he just looks at me like, "What's wrong with that phrase?" I say, "Dad! What if someone who is Jewish hears you say that?" and he says, "I don't know anyone Jewish."
Also, there is a type of nut that my family (and nearly everyone else I've ever known, INCLUDING African American people) calls by the most awful, racist name - "****** toes." I mean, I don't call them that, and neither does my husband...but since we honestly don't know the real name of this sort of nut, we always say, "Can you pick up some of those nuts with the politically incorrect name?" LOL
Right. A lot of phrases, especially "old timey" phrases, are rooted in racism.
My dad still says, "I'm going to try to Jew him down." WHAT THE HECK! When I call him out on this, he just looks at me like, "What's wrong with that phrase?" I say, "Dad! What if someone who is Jewish hears you say that?" and he says, "I don't know anyone Jewish."
Also, there is a type of nut that my family (and nearly everyone else I've ever known, INCLUDING African American people) calls by the most awful, racist name - "****** toes." I mean, I don't call them that, and neither does my husband...but since we honestly don't know the real name of this sort of nut, we always say, "Can you pick up some of those nuts with the politically incorrect name?" LOL
Sheeze.
YES! That is EXACTLY what I am referring to - those same exact phrases!
And I have had to point out to soooo many friends and family the whole "jew him down" phrase and how awful it sounds. People look at me with blank stares sometimes b/c they have no clue that it is such a racist (and stereotypical) thing to say. One friend even said they were not saying the word "jew" - they thought the phrase was "Do him down." And they were sincere.
It's not just the nuts you mentioned (and I don't know the right name of those nuts, either!!!) . . . I don't know about you, but everyone around me referred to Black Pines as N pines. I truly was not cognizant that those pine trees had another (proper) name until I went through the process I mentioned and tried to ferret out every possible phrase I had heard and worked at correcting my use of that type of language. Sad, but true.
Yeah I remember when we were told not to say the phrase 'easy peasy Japanesy', not sure if you're familiar with that phrase. Instead it became, 'easy peasy lemon squeazy' lmao. Or the end of eenie meenie miney mo, 'catch a n****r by the toe' was replaced by 'tiger'.
My worst and hope I was forgiven think I was - it was terrible- but terrible- my grandson stopped breathing and he was special needs so we were warned this day would come, so-I'm desperately trying to but breah back into him and screm at his mom to call 911- and she falls to the floor, and I scream stop acting stupid and call 911--- God forgive me, she did call- but it was his day to become an angel.
Also, there is a type of nut that my family (and nearly everyone else I've ever known, INCLUDING African American people) calls by the most awful, racist name - "****** toes." I mean, I don't call them that, and neither does my husband...but since we honestly don't know the real name of this sort of nut, we always say, "Can you pick up some of those nuts with the politically incorrect name?" LOL
Brazil nuts.
I was at a college friend's wedding, and the lights kept flickering. I made an off-hand remark along the lines of "is something wrong with the lights or am I having a stroke?" within earshot of a guy whose mother had recently died of a sudden stroke. I knew his mother had passed but not how, and I felt like such a jerk.
We've all put our foot in our mouth before. Sometimes it's truly accidental, and sometimes I think we have a subconscious reason for saying something we say to someone. Tell us something you said and why - and how you and the other person handled it.
Here's my example. This is the worst, most embarrassing thing I ever said to anyone, and I cringe every time I recall it:
This was in a conversation with my former mother in law. My (now ex) husband had told me that when he was very small, he had a little brother who had died in infancy. I had never had a discussion about this deceased baby with my mother in law.
I was pregnant with the first grandchild and was discussing possible names with my mother in law, like people do. She said, "If it's a boy, you could name him Bernard."
"Bernard?" I said, "No...that sounds like the name of a dog to me."
You guessed it.
She said, "That's my dead baby's name."
I have kind of a dark sense of humor, but that scene sounds like something out of a farrelly brothers film, or maybe a David O Russell film.
On a practical level, either the MIL, or the ex, could have clued you in. My 2 cents: don't waste another second cringing or feeling embarrassed. You did nothing wrong.....
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
