Wife is clingy and cannot function without me-how do I deal with this? (depressed, college)
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Come on. This sounds like an exaggeration. She's the mother of your kids, what do you mean, she 'cant function'? Sounds like you are not giving her the loving attention that she deserves. Don't be a Neanderthal. Love your wife, treat her with respect. Make her feel like she's the center of your universe, and that you'd rather be with her than doing anything else. After all, that beautiful woman chose to spend the rest of her life with you. Give her the utmost consideration, for God's sake. If she is open enough in her communication with you to express that she needs more time with you, GIVE HER THAT TIME. She deserves it, since I'm assuming that you love her. Your wife should never feel neglected. You are not superior to her in any way. She doesn't work, but that doesn't make what you do during the day more important than what she does. She has the more difficult duties during the day. She makes the greater sacrifice, not only in her roles as wife and mother, but also in refraining from pursuing her own career. She could be a successful doctor or lawyer otherwise.
She needs and deserves to be loved, and the fact that you characterize this as "clingy" shows that you are not as sincere and as deep in your feelings for her as she is for you. This seems to be common in marriages. The woman gives all of her heart to the man, in a sincere show of love and devotion second to none. The man is a detached, self-centered Neanderthal, who views his wife as subservient inferior who gets attention only when she begs for it.
Over the years, I've had clingy girlfriends (now ex). After we broke up, in many cases they ended up stalking me. As far as I'm concerned, clingy women are stalkers in-training. Jodi Arias was clingy with Travis A., and look what happened there....
There IS such a thing as a dependent personality (disorder)... I tend to take the OP's word for things unless given a reason not to? Some of you posters are meaner than two cats in a bag and somewhat less helpful.
I'm just not articulate enough to correctly explain things. I'll stick to the automotive and nature parts of the forum. Thanks.
This is one of d problems. If u cannot communicate how u feel or think, nobody can see your point of view. MAJOR FLAW in lots of people, esp, those who don't like to talk they think talking is silly so they only do so when they need something. It's like foreplay, one doesn't jump to sex from d get go (not saying u do, just that I see this '' non-introverts do not understand us, blah, blah. Some do, ja.
Uh, I think he explained it quite articulately. And at great length! But some of these posters just love to argue with the OP. Re: advice, you get what you pay for...
When I started reading this thread I asked myself, "How long will it be before the tribe of angry women arrive to demonize the OP?" Well, it wasn't all that long.
I'm done with this thread. Should have known better then go on the internet and try to find advice on this type of stuff. Thanks for the non biased responses. Other then that, this thread is a bust, and not because I didn't get the feedback I wanted either. I cannot believe people actually think, based on what I said, I don't want to be around my wife and that I'm selfish and blah blah blah blah blah....like really? Yeah I work away from home and make more money in 6 months then most well educated people do in 365 days....the other 6 months I'm home, by my own choice, in an effort to balance things out. But trying to explain things how they really are over the internet is impossible for me. I'm just not articulate enough to correctly explain things. I'll stick to the automotive and nature parts of the forum. Thanks.
You need to filter out the responses that are snarky and pay attention to the ones that have given you thoughtful advice. Seems you overlooked them, or didn't appreciate the effort some people took to type it out.
BTW, in my other post I mentioned your work schedule. Have a feeling that has something to do with it. Work long hours away from home for weeks or months at a time, then home for months. I can see where your wife would get lonely when you're gone, and for you to feel overwhelmed when you aren't working.
As someone else said, I'd like to hear her side of it. Not that I think you're lying, only that she's going to have a different view and probably not believe she's clingy. Only thing you can do is keep communicating and let her know exactly what bothers or annoys you. You obviously love her, so it's worth continuing to make the effort.
You said you're done with this thread because you don't like some or all of the responses. Hopefully you remain more patient with your wife than with this thread.
The clinginess is the other side of the character traits that make her a good wife and mother. I'm the same way as you, OP. I'm a loner and like a huge amount of solo time, and sometimes my wife's needs for reassurance, attention and love are aggravating. But these things are a package deal with the things I like about her---her complaisant & deferential personality, her ways as a people pleaser, and the vulnerability and need of guidance & protection that bring out the best in my own nature.
You need to filter out the responses that are snarky and pay attention to the ones that have given you thoughtful advice. Seems you overlooked them, or didn't appreciate the effort some people took to type it out.
BTW, in my other post I mentioned your work schedule. Have a feeling that has something to do with it. Work long hours away from home for weeks or months at a time, then home for months. I can see where your wife would get lonely when you're gone, and for you to feel overwhelmed when you aren't working.
As someone else said, I'd like to hear her side of it. Not that I think you're lying, only that she's going to have a different view and probably not believe she's clingy. Only thing you can do is keep communicating and let her know exactly what bothers or annoys you. You obviously love her, so it's worth continuing to make the effort.
You said you're done with this thread because you don't like some or all of the responses. Hopefully you remain more patient with your wife than with this thread.
I do love her with all of my heart and we are 'old fashioned", in comparison to allot of people our age this day in age. We have 3 children, our first was conceived and born out of wedlock(we were engaged long before she became prego) and our other 2 were conceived and born in wedlock. We have tons of pride in this and the fact that we work as a team together to accomplish goals that benefit our family. I guess all it comes down to is my lack of education and communication skills/tools on how to deal with her needs/expectations in a healthy manner.
On another note regarding the snarky posts in my thread...it pretty clear to me that these people are acting on emotions. They may have been hurt in the past by their significant others. Really easy to misconstrue things via the internet.
Quote:
Originally Posted by high iron
The clinginess is the other side of the character traits that make her a good wife and mother. I'm the same way as you, OP. I'm a loner and like a huge amount of solo time, and sometimes my wife's needs for reassurance, attention and love are aggravating. But these things are a package deal with the things I like about her---her complaisant & deferential personality, her ways as a people pleaser, and the vulnerability and need of guidance & protection that bring out the best in my own nature.
I never looked at it as her motherly/wife traits. Very good point! She is inftact an EXCELLENT mother and wife. It is aggravating sometimes, but I dont take it out on her! I go outside and find something to do to take my mind off of it until i'm calm enough to talk to her without making her feel like i'm attacking her. Thanks for the intelligent replies.
It is unfortunate that so many women out there automatically air on the side of caution as men being the "neanderthal" knuckle draggers who only look out for their own interests. NO! Not me! I am fully aware that the key to a happy marriage is communication and compromise. If one or the other constantly feels unhappy, their eventually going to leave, unless that is, they suffer from learned helplessness. That is a whole other case of pandoras box I dont want to get into.
Any help or advice on how to handle this in a healthy manner would be appreciated.
I can't give you advice on this since I am the polar opposite of your wife. I can't stand clingy men, and I married one who appreciates that I can go off and do things without him. If one of us has a big need to do something alone, even if that means a quick trip to Home Depot, then we just say so.
I've known a few people who make their families, and/or their jobs, their sole world, and I've also known a few who felt smothered by clingy mates. I can't give you advice but I just wanted to share that I don't think it's healthy. But...
On the other hand, no relationship is perfect, and this is probably what keeps yours from being so. If that's the only real flaw then you should just be low-key in addressing it with her.
Something like, "I'm heading out to the store. No, I'd rather go alone to think this out, if that's okay. I'm very frustrated (with the project)."
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