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The OP clearly states she wants to BE a French girl (not get one), but she's a woman from AL (not a man, as several posters seem to think).
Yes, ASD can make it challenging to become to social being you want to become. But not impossible. You aspire to be something you have limited experience with/exposure to. Is there anyone actually in your life right now who has qualities you admire? If so, watch that person and see what she does, how she acts around people, how she initiates and maintains conversations. You can learn a lot from watching other people. One thing that people with ASD often do not do is learn by watching others. If you make a point of paying attention to the details of what others do and what type of responses they get, you will gain information about how to interact with different types of people. Don't be creepy in watching people, but watch interactions. Take notes for yourself (again, don't be creepy about this- in other words, don't be obvious, don't stare, etc.) so you can see what patterns emerge. How do others start conversations? How do they stand? What facial expressions do they make? Practice those things with a friend or in front of the mirror until they feel natural.
The other things you are doing are great. Put yourself out there. Learn from your mistakes and your successes. You can always change who you are and become the person you want to be. It's never too late to reinvent or better yourself. But you can't do it daydreaming.
The OP clearly states she wants to BE a French girl (not get one), but she's a woman from AL (not a man, as several posters seem to think).
Yes, ASD can make it challenging to become to social being you want to become. But not impossible. You aspire to be something you have limited experience with/exposure to. Is there anyone actually in your life right now who has qualities you admire? If so, watch that person and see what she does, how she acts around people, how she initiates and maintains conversations. You can learn a lot from watching other people. One thing that people with ASD often do not do is learn by watching others. If you make a point of paying attention to the details of what others do and what type of responses they get, you will gain information about how to interact with different types of people. Don't be creepy in watching people, but watch interactions. Take notes for yourself (again, don't be creepy about this- in other words, don't be obvious, don't stare, etc.) so you can see what patterns emerge. How do others start conversations? How do they stand? What facial expressions do they make? Practice those things with a friend or in front of the mirror until they feel natural.
The other things you are doing are great. Put yourself out there. Learn from your mistakes and your successes. You can always change who you are and become the person you want to be. It's never too late to reinvent or better yourself. But you can't do it daydreaming.
I don't know what trauma I must have endured as a child to now think that it's preferable to stay cooped up at home, aside from going to work, than to actually go out and try to make friends. I seldom even speak to people, no matter how interesting I find them, because I know I'm weird. I guess you don't really realize how rude people can be unless you've been on the receiving end of it. People fascinate me, and I have watched them. I didn't know I was being obvious until someone rudely pointed it out to me once when I was a teenager. I was rewarded with the rumor that I was a lesbian because I was starting at another girl in an "improper" fashion. The girl I was watching freaked out. I stopped looking at people completely after that. I felt so powerless. It was like everyone had the power to decide what or who I was but me. No one would listen to me and the words coming out of mouth; they just marked my actions and decided who I was from that. I slowly decided that maybe people weren't worth talking to. I turned to daydreaming to comfort myself.
I've overcome quite a bit of that now, but talking to people still feels weird. I realize that I can often come off the wrong way to people. I seem unsure of myself and sometimes if I try to display confidence I can seem condescending. I actually like people who can flaunt their faults. I enjoy being around funny outgoing unconventional people. Those are the types who typically accept me. Unfortunately, those aren't most of the people around here. In fact, there are some really conventional people here who make life agony for me, because it feels like they judge my every move. Trying to get to know those people would probably just bring more pain or confusion to my life. Why can't people see past their own preconceived notions? I'm none of the people others have made me out to be.
It sounds pretty silly, but I actually admire people from New York. They seem to be the most unconventional of the lot, and I know some New Yorkers would deny this, but the ones I've met seem to be especially good at communicating with people. Unfortunately, I'm not close friends with anyone like that. The counselor I had when I was in college was a really nice woman from New York. She was edgy, assertive, humorous, and stylish. Too bad she wasn't one of my friends. To be honest, I really wanted to just learn some girl stuff from her, like how she dressed, where she shopped, and how she fixed her hair and makeup. I also wanted to copy her upbeat attitude and humor. People like that are hard to find around here, I think. Instead, though, I did what was expected and talked about my many problems. Professionals can't become friends with their clients.
One major problem I'm seeing is that you're comparing your weaknesses with everyone else's strengths, which is always gonna be a losing battle. If you're going to compare your life with someone else's (which you shouldn't), at least let it be apple to apples.
Despite popular belief, it is actually not difficult to become "cool". A cool person is simply someone who is aware of their environment and can adapt to meet a situation if need be. You have to find the common elements of what a cool person does and emulate them as best you can. For starters, cool people care about their appearance...if you're overweight, hit the gym or change your eating habits. Look at some makeup tutorials on YouTube, read a few issues of Cosmo, find a few pictures of the women who you find the most stylish then go to your local GAP, H&M, Forever21, etc and purchase whatever clothes will most fit that "look".
Also whatever you can to get the heck out of Mobile, Alabama permanently. Move to a city that at least cracks the top 25 in terms of population. A socially liberal metro area with at least one million residents will be ideal. I know it's a long term goal, but I'm just stating the obvious. For now, just visit the largest cities within driving distance and soak in the social scene. Go to a popular bar and just people-watch, have lunch at a local hot spot and have a 5 minute chat with the waitress about "where the cool spots are". Start with small, manageable tasks and go from there. If you're really serious about changing yourself, you will be a completely new person in 3-6 months. The key is consistency and avoiding the pity parties. Best of luck to you.
Let's start with basics. Practice good personal hygiene, bathe and brush teeth daily. Use deodorant. Keep your clothes clean. Those are the must-do things to make you tolerable.
One thing is to keep your body fit, get into a routine of walking/running/skating/something. 3 times a week. You'll feel better if you're strong. ALSO your clothes will fit better, bringing me to another important item.
Don't try to be someone you aren't. God made you the way he did for a reason. Dress in attractive clothes that are COMFORTABLE. If your clothes aren't comfortable, how can you ever feel comfortable wearing them?
As far as being cool - I think you're cool already. If you want a French girl, you better study French and hang out where the French girls go. Seriously. Surround yourself with kind people. Do a lot of listening until you figure out what works in the conversation. Even if you don't talk much, people will love that you listen.
Regarding your original post
Rather than serve a public with some outstanding attitude, infectious personality, wake up an entire room with some magical exuberance (that comes from.. somewhere?), rather than hoping/praying to have an entire table giggling at your jokes or mesmerized in silence by your brilliance; do you have any hobbies or things you enjoy doing? Are there any free paid-for scholarship opportunities available near where you live at a community college for things you may be vaguely interested in (yes... back to school BUT MAYBE FREE THIS TIME)? Go for the thing which requires little to no $$ in the way of materials/textbooks (or just skip the textbooks and TI-bazillion calculators altogether unless they're free with the program and just rake in the stipends/FAFSA/Pell dough). You might stumble upon interesting folks. You may not. You may have interesting conversation matter dealing with that subject later on. Or you can just do it for yourself, to make your world more interesting for yourself.
Long story short:
Enjoy yourself, expand your world, that's all! Stumble into stuff happily. Do not "design" your perfect world, let it occur however way it does spontaneously as a result of you being in it -- don't try too hard (unless you want to)
Normally I don't recommend college at all ($$ reasons, loans, etc.)
But I wouldn't have met my girlfriend if her mother hadn't recommended me to her (for studying/graduating Nuclear Engineering which was 100% paid for by sponsors lol)
Last edited by Wannabeliber; 11-28-2015 at 09:45 PM..
Let's start with basics. Practice good personal hygiene, bathe and brush teeth daily. Use deodorant. Keep your clothes clean. Those are the must-do things to make you tolerable.
One thing is to keep your body fit, get into a routine of walking/running/skating/something. 3 times a week. You'll feel better if you're strong. ALSO your clothes will fit better, bringing me to another important item.
Don't try to be someone you aren't. God made you the way he did for a reason. Dress in attractive clothes that are COMFORTABLE. If your clothes aren't comfortable, how can you ever feel comfortable wearing them?
As far as being cool - I think you're cool already. If you want (to be like) a French girl, you better study French and hang out where the French girls go. Seriously. Surround yourself with kind people. Do a lot of listening until you figure out what works in the conversation. Even if you don't talk much, people will love that you listen.
You can do this!
Where are the French girls in Mobile, though? I sometimes hear people speaking French. I sat close to a Parisian boy in Spanish class. He obviously didn't look my way, though; he was busy with the prettier more outgoing girls who apparently spoke French. Of course, I wanted to join their conversation, but shame kept me from doing much more than staring.
I think you could start by reading some books on ASD, if you haven't already, by Temple Grandin. Understanding yourself first will help you a lot. Join an ASD group, meet other ASD people, you are not alone! You can meet others who have same difficulties and dreams and help each other out, motivate each other. You have some good advice from other posts, on personal hygiene and fitness level.
Here are some sites to check out:
Time to get some drinking buddies, hang out at a sports bar and get to be part of the gang. Not everyone meets your imagined perception of "cool" and you will soon find that out.
It starts and ends with affirmations. That's the big secret. Stand in front of the mirror every morning and affirm what you want to be!
I am confident
I am sociable
I am likeable
I am outgoing
I am fun
I am positive
I am loving
You say these things to yourself every morning without fail and sometimes even during the day and you will begin to become them. The words you speak, the thoughts you think, and the vision you put in front of you all create what your current life is and what life reflects back at you. So say something new, think differently, and put those quotes somewhere you can see them to remind yourself.
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