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Hey everyone,
First of let me inform you all I have OCD which may explain some things in this description, thanks
Me and my girlfriend have been together for almost 5 months now (2 days away) and in the first few months everything was fine, yeah we had one or two tough times but apart from that, we were fine. She is everything I was looking for, she's sweet, kind and beautiful. However lately I've been feeling kind of different, we had a really tough time the last week or so, with her breaking up with me a few times and just filled with bitter arguments and what not, and that really stressed up both out but we got back together and when we did, I was really happy, I wanted that. However lately I have been suffering with HOCD and you don't understand how confusing that can be when you know you want your girlfriend but your mind is trying to convince you that you're gay. so during that time I was so stressed out, couldn't think straight, didn't get excited about seeing my girlfiend and now it seems to have carried over into my relationship
Let me explain, me and my girlfriend used to go on dates when we first met like go to the cinema, go shopping etc. And now we don't do it as much, we go shopping from time to time and I took her out for her birthday meal the other day and it was really fun, but other than that she either comes to my house or I go to hers, which I think may be the problem, I may be bored, because I know what exactly is going to happen when I'm with her at our houses, it just doesn't seem as...exciting anymore. We have discussed a lot and invested a lot of thought into our future, marriage, housing even children and I know it's not s long time to discuss it but, it felt right at the time, but when I think of it now, I don't feel as, excited. I love my girlfriend, I can't imagine my life without her she helps me so much, with my anxieties and my OCD and although she can cause them sometimes, she does help. It upsets me thinking of when we first met and when we first dated because back then I didn't have to worry about this. I could feel my feelings. And it's scaring me that maybe it's going to force me to end it.
I'm also finding it hard to get excited about other things in my life such as Christmas, last week or so I was so excited as I'm getting a new dog and now when I think of it, just, nothing, I feel nothing. Do you think I should let her go? I don't want to see her with someone else as it would break me but, if it's best for her I'll do it, I'm really scared I never thought I'd let my mental illnesses control the feelings I have for my girlfriend. Am I just stressed/anxious? Or is it something deeper like me falling out of love?
As for relationships, it's normal to lose interest in someone after the honeymoon period wears off if you're not right for each other, for whatever reason, including the fact that your mind is "telling" you that you're gay.
When the two of you are together, does the combination have a synergistic effect where the blending of the two makes you each a better person? Sometimes two very good people can get together and the combination is a net loss. The keeper relationships are where you feel naturally inclined to do things for one another to improve the other person's life. There is satisfaction derived and you feel inclined to make things better for one another. You mentioned she is helping you in many ways. You are probably doing the same for her. You should keep trying and don't go too far too fast. You are just stressed a bit and the relationship will improve for you. You seem very capable and thoughtful about it.
I have seen this happen to a lot of men.
Porn and utopian expectations may be to blame.
Wanting a fantasy...
Life is hard and nothing comes easy...even love isnt about endless
euphoria
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