Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Moongirl has this guy told you he has problems or is it your opinion? How did you end up to think like that? Is this still this mysterious guy from internet who comes and goes? Or it is someone from real life this time? Someone you would really learn to know?
Sexuality, I am not a man so I cannot tell from mans personal perspective. But google is your friend, there is lot of different type of stories where men are telling their personal experiences of this subject. I would appreciate understanding of diversity, there is no one reason and what one is telling does not match with all men but everyone has unique backround , life and experiences which lead on this situation. There is multiple reasons, some are hard to understand as how kids are treated in the past and some are hard to understand as how something "so small" or "trivial" in our opinion could have so big influence to another person. At same time forgetting our own trivials.
From womans personal perspective I would say trust and love wins the insecurity and fears. Time and grown love and closeness and nice experiences grows lust. And partners personality does matter. One could grow those fears and push away by actions and words meanwhile another would push the right buttons and give naturally freedom of anxieties without even trying to create some certain results.
Generally don't make him as your "project" by setting goals and trying different ways to fullfill your goals, he is a human, not laboratory rat (stop the cruelties for rats too). If you have feelings and you want romantic relationship with this person, go for it but remember that is all on your risk if he leaves you without sex.. As that should not be main point but nurture your romantic relationship and make it bloom. Sex comes with some point if comes. And if it comes, maybe after several "failed" situation.. Moment what could lead on it, you would assume it is right time, but he would need these times just to gain security, trust or close moments or learning to not come so fast or for any reason.
Or maybe he has some condition and would need doctors help, sometimes people itself get to know these things during life one new day. We have no instructions since born so we would have all the answers with us from beginning.
Just keep yourself safe, sometimes in a man, sexual frustrations could come out as violent acts toward a woman and don't put yourself into this type of danger in your life. Someone could just back off and run away meanwhile someone could attack. Also if he is this online dude it could be cruel to start to "train" him via online with his insecurities or sexual problems. If he wants to talk about it, then talk about it but let him lead the speach as how far or deep it could go.
Very thoughtful and helpful, as always. It is the same guy I have been talking to for many months now. He has mentioned in the past some sexual issues he has (anorgasmia) but I get the sense its sort of a sensitive topic for him so I don't want to make him talk about it if he doesn't want to. I think he might also avoid sex and relationships because of this.
I think it would make any relationship complicated though. Relationships are complicated as it is. But I have a feeling with him this is linked to some very deep psychological wounds.
Its just given me something more to think about with him, I guess. He is a complicated person.
I really appreciate your advice about staying safe and you are right. I don't really know what this man is capable of. He seems kind of unpredictable. I will definitely do all I can to stay safe and stay on guard.
Thank you again soUlwounD I always love reading your feedback and opinion.
You will be unable to rescue him. If he blames you for his problem, you best forget him.
Heed this warning^^^^. He could have a variety of issues from sexual fetishes to other preferences. Unless he is willing to get psychological help with this, Rubi3 is right, you will not be able to rescue him. Trust me, been there and couldn't do that wasting a lot of life on someone that wasn't worth it. What I was to learn as time went on...........
If he doesn't want the psychological help, that is a RED flag that he understands the issue and is basically satisfied with the way things are. It becomes accept him for what he is or move on. Generally, this is not an isolated psychological issue and there will be other things that are less than desirable.
A common cause of situational anorgasmia, in both men and women, is the use of anti-depressants,
Another cause of anorgasmia is opiate addiction, particularly to heroin.[6]"
How sad to not be able to have orgasms As you say it could be a reason why he would not want to be in a relationship. If so, he could also have an warm heart as he could also care for others well being. As in he would not want to hurt possible partner with his problems.
Although as human being he might have desire to love and to be loved.
You said in your earlier thread you like the attention that he gives you and you like to chat/play with him
As you have seen he has troubles and wounds.. He might be the wrong person to use just to fullfill your need of attention and chatting. You are assuming he is weird... Does he needs you or does he have wounds enough already before you would give few more?
How sad to not be able to have orgasms As you say it could be a reason why he would not want to be in a relationship. If so, he could also have an warm heart as he could also care for others well being. As in he would not want to hurt possible partner with his problems.
Although as human being he might have desire to love and to be loved.
You said in your earlier thread you like the attention that he gives you and you like to chat/play with him
As you have seen he has troubles and wounds.. He might be the wrong person to use just to fullfill your need of attention and chatting. You are assuming he is weird... Does he needs you or does he have wounds enough already before you would give few more?
You have given me a lot to think about soUlwounD. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause more psychological wounds.
This man says he is impervious to human emotions. He claims he cannot feel emotions or feel love for anyone. I'm not sure if this is true, but its what he says all the time. So then I wonder why the interest in me? I think for him it might be a game, or maybe I entertain him or just help pass the time.
So then I am really the one more at risk of being hurt or victimized in this situation, I think. Although part of me just wants to see what happens next. He is so unpredictable, I can't tear my eyes away, I guess. And its not really hurting me. For awhile there I was feeling a little uneasy about it, but I think he is probably harmless.
I think the anorgasmia is only during sexual intercourse, which makes me believe its ties in with some psychological problems....fear of intimacy? fear of being too vulnerable with a partner? that is my guess.
I will think more about what you said. I don't want to hurt him. I am not leading him on, I don't think, since I don't think he wants any kind of real, normal relationship with anyone. I think this type of chat we do is all he is capable of due to intimacy issues.
Thank you for your feedback soUlwounD You are exceptionally kind and wise, your advice always hits the mark, I think.
You have given me a lot to think about soUlwounD. I don't want to hurt anyone or cause more psychological wounds.
This man says he is impervious to human emotions. He claims he cannot feel emotions or feel love for anyone. I'm not sure if this is true, but its what he says all the time. So then I wonder why the interest in me? I think for him it might be a game, or maybe I entertain him or just help pass the time.
So then I am really the one more at risk of being hurt or victimized in this situation, I think. Although part of me just wants to see what happens next. He is so unpredictable, I can't tear my eyes away, I guess. And its not really hurting me. For awhile there I was feeling a little uneasy about it, but I think he is probably harmless.
I think the anorgasmia is only during sexual intercourse, which makes me believe its ties in with some psychological problems....fear of intimacy? fear of being too vulnerable with a partner? that is my guess.
I will think more about what you said. I don't want to hurt him. I am not leading him on, I don't think, since I don't think he wants any kind of real, normal relationship with anyone. I think this type of chat we do is all he is capable of due to intimacy issues.
Thank you for your feedback soUlwounD You are exceptionally kind and wise, your advice always hits the mark, I think.
Thanks, then maybe follow my advice: Find some boyfriend from real life. You started to write on CD about this guy 2,5 years ago. Don't focus on fantasy world, focus on real life.
At least honor yourself by choosing a guy that has feelings for you and is able to love you!
Or if you are obsessed with this one, ask him and see the results. But stop wasting your years... The question is why you are so afraid that you would spend 2,5 years online meanwhile you could live full life offline? With him or someone else with feelings.
Please, I implore you, take this question to a licensed psychologist. The advice you're going to receive here is going to be terrible, especially that advice from bitter individuals from failed relationships. The overwhelming auto-response on this forum is "Leave the deadbeat!!!" It's not sound, thoughtful, objective advice. It's impulsive advice often stemming from bitterness and hurt feelings.
Please, talk to someone who is not going to be biased on this subject. If the guy is a good guy and you want to make it work with him, try to work it out together by going to a therapist.
But please, do not ask these types of questions on this forum. You will end up regretting it, because they will continue to tell you to leave everybody you're in a relationship for even the slightest quirk. The quality of responses you get are going to be exactly in line with what you paid for it. This forum is simply not a good place for relationship advice. Do yourself a huge favor and seek counseling from a licensed professional. You will thank yourself later.
Last edited by Mr. Analyst; 01-13-2016 at 08:06 AM..
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
As you say it could be a reason why he would not want to be in a relationship. If so, he could also have an warm heart as he could also care for others well being. As in he would not want to hurt possible partner with his problems.
