caught my dad spying on me in the bathroom, and it's really bothering me psychologically
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find a women's shelter in your area, and talk to someone there, they have counselors or social workers who can give you good advice on how to keep yourself safe, and get into a better situation. google or look in the white pages under domestic violence or women's shelter. call someone NOW. you deserve to live in a place that is safe and where you are treated with respect. First step is to get yourself to safety. Then talking to a counselor you trust who specializes in domestic violence.
OP - this is actually serious...it isn't a minor issue, an accident or something you are blowing up. It was an assault. I would not be surprised if there were more sexual abuse in the picture that you don't recall or that you are categorizing as "something else". This on top of the physical abuse, you aren't safe.
Safety first. If you go to a counselor, any good one will surely work on helping you find safety first. You can't deal with the emotional impacts while you are still unsafe.
What you are describing is PTSD symptoms. Your unable to think is dissociation. I think you have a lot of trauma to work with. Physical abuse is sometimes a lot easier because it is often clear abuse. You can label that...it fits in a box. Emotional and verbal abuse and even sometimes sexual abuse isn't as easy to put in a box in many cases. And they can be very traumatizing.
I think this event represents a lot to you. I understand why you didn't move to shut the door. Suggesting you did have the power to is like telling a little girl she is wrong for letting her dad rape her. Abusive people take away that power over a period of time through grooming and abuse/fear.
Anyways, the symptoms you are having is sending a big message...you are not safe. They won't go away just from finding safety. It will take work. But listen to yourself. Your body. You know you aren't safe with that man. I urge you to work hard on getting into safety. I would be good to work with someone like a therapist on that goal, because often people leave an unsafe environment go to another unsafe environment. It takes someone from the outside to help us make positive moves.
Good luck.
PS never again let people tell you it was your fault. It wasn't.
Everyone here understands perfectly well the effects child and continued adult sexual abuse have on a person.
This is why the OP is getting the same response from all. 1- get out of the house- 2 get counseling. 3- she has to do it on her own 4 - if her father tries being a jerk again- call the police
No white knight is going to rescue her. She cannot stay in that household. Everyone here sees her confusion- she is not sure who is right and who is wrong. This confusion is the result of the life she has been living. We are all telling her that her father is 100% wrong- he is a dreadful person. She can take action against her father. She is 100% the victim- none of this mess is her fault.
We are all trying to let her see the necessity for getting away from her scary current life. One thing I am going to mention is that the OP's life is often generational. Her mother has never protected her. There is a very strong possibility that her mother grew up in this same type of situation and sees it as normal or sees herself as having no choices. These are severe co-dependency problems.
This is why the OP must leave. She has to get to a safe place, save herself and learn how to live differently than her current life. It will not be easy. She's going to have reach down deep inside herself and find strength she doesn't know she has.
I hope she takes the advice given on this thread. Action needs to be taken to get to safety and then to untangle the confusion in her head. I'm hoping she has made an appointment with a counselor.
OP - I understand why you didn't move to shut the door. Suggesting you did have the power to is like telling a little girl she is wrong for letting her dad rape her. Abusive people take away that power over a period of time through grooming and abuse/fear.
PS never again let people tell you it was your fault. It wasn't.
No, suggesting she had the power to shut the door is revealing to her that she had an option. Whether she realized it at the time or not, or used that option is another story. Rape by a perpetrator who is stronger than the victim, using a weapon to threaten the victim, or has overpowered the victim is not equivalent to shutting a door that someone is peeking through. The unspoken veiled threat might have been there but since Dad didn't know she could see him out of the corner of her eye, according to her post, she could have "innocently" just abruptly walked out of the bathroom and took the cup to her bedroom to insert. Or, after noticing him peering, remained in the bathroom, shut the door, locked it, and then inserted the menstrual cup.
The solution should never be to do nothing and just wait for counseling at a later date to help you heal. All of us have the potential to be victimized by someone or some group of people. When we find it happening, we should always think of what we can do to help ourselves or save ourselves, whichever the case because sometimes there is NO one from the outside coming to rescue you -- as has been clearly articulated on this thread.
As far as people saying it was her fault, I haven't read that but you keep insisting on making a case of it anyway. Going forward, if you'd put as much emphasis on looking for viable options that a victim can use to protect themselves from further abuse as you currently do on calling out falsely that people are blaming the victim, you might actually be a part of the solution in helping more people rise up and take power that they hadn't realized they have. I hope she reaches out ASAP to a professional counselor /abuse organization in the RW for help who can start her on the path to getting out of that home and on to safety and healing.
You could have said- Dad, I'm closing the door, back up.
No, she couldn't have. She's already told us that he had been threatening and violent in the past. You don't talk like that to someone who is a threat to you unless you want to anger them and potentially get hurt.
She definitely needs to go to the police and let them help her get out of that house or come and take him away. But in the meantime, she should not be provoking a dangerous man when no one else is around to protect her.
Who said it was easy? It's not easy, but it has to be done. And counseling is fine as part of that effort. But to go into counseling while allowing the perp to drive her to school is kind of insane. She needs to not only leave physically, she needs to realize that she does not have a mom or a dad and she should cut herself off from them. They are not parents, parents don't destroy their children. They are something else. Something awful. You don't accept food and housing from abusers. Not if you ever want to be a person.
Some truths here...on counseling..have to disagree.
Keeping her dependents part of abuse, mentally she's hostage. Through counseling process of recovery begins, less dependency, opening doors to referrals and agencies who can and will assist.
OP....should you contact any resources involving counselors or hotlines...always keep that information private from family... mother, sister and especially not your father; it only increases and eccelerates potential dangerous situation.
If at anytime your living situation accelerates to violence of any kind where you feel endangered, it is an emergency...dial 911.
Some truths here...on counseling..have to disagree.
Keeping her dependents part of abuse, mentally she's hostage. Through counseling process of recovery begins, less dependency, opening doors to referrals and agencies who can and will assist.
I'm all for the counseling, as long as it's not just part of a plan to continue living at home and depending on the abuser. She needs to realize that she does not have a father, and may not have a mother. There is no point in maintaining that fantasy. So, counseling is fine, but the goal needs to be becoming an independent adult, not wasting away at home as a 23 year old child. Which would be a bad policy even if she were healthy and the creature that happened to knock up her mother wasn't an abusive monster.
I'm all for the counseling, as long as it's not just part of a plan to continue living at home and depending on the abuser. She needs to realize that she does not have a father, and may not have a mother. There is no point in maintaining that fantasy. So, counseling is fine, but the goal needs to be becoming an independent adult, not wasting away at home as a 23 year old child. Which would be a bad policy even if she were healthy and the creature that happened to knock up her mother wasn't an abusive monster.
I agree, completely. We can only advice whats in her best interest, she has to do the work. I do hope she follows through.
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Not following your logic...
