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Some people look dangerous, others do not. Some people look wicked, others do not. We cant do anything about our looks (beyond some basic make-up, or clothing tips, or surgery). But looks play and important role on how other people percieve us, and interact with us.
There were serial killlers who had a babyface look, like Ted Bundy who made his victims relax and trust him.
Other people though, even if they wouldnt hurt a fly, get a lot of unwanted attention, especially from ladies who grab their purses tightly when they see them, and get in a defensive mood, ready to pull out her concealed gun if that "weird looking guy" gets too close.
So I guess, even if no words are uttered, the person at the receiving end notices this. Fear and distrust are powerful emotions and spreads like fire. And getting colds stares here and there, apprehensive stares here and there, tight body languages here and there must be stressing and exhausting.
They can think "nah, who cares about the opinion of a total stranger? They dont know me, so I just need to focus on my business and ignore those reactions..."
This sounds well in theory...but I wonder what happens if some day that person reacts in a negative way and snaps?
Would it be justify some sort of "reaction", and go and say or do something?
I know this is very subjective, and looks, and reactions to looks are interpreted in very different ways depending on the person, situation, etc....but in general, would you say that when person A gives person B and apprehensive stare, then person A cannot complain later if person B has a bad reaction?
Some people look dangerous, others do not. Some people look wicked, others do not. We cant do anything about our looks (beyond some basic make-up, or clothing tips, or surgery). But looks play and important role on how other people percieve us, and interact with us.
There were serial killlers who had a babyface look, like Ted Bundy who made his victims relax and trust him.
Other people though, even if they wouldnt hurt a fly, get a lot of unwanted attention, especially from ladies who grab their purses tightly when they see them, and get in a defensive mood, ready to pull out her concealed gun if that "weird looking guy" gets too close.
So I guess, even if no words are uttered, the person at the receiving end notices this. Fear and distrust are powerful emotions and spreads like fire. And getting colds stares here and there, apprehensive stares here and there, tight body languages here and there must be stressing and exhausting.
They can think "nah, who cares about the opinion of a total stranger? They dont know me, so I just need to focus on my business and ignore those reactions..."
This sounds well in theory...but I wonder what happens if some day that person reacts in a negative way and snaps?
Would it be justify some sort of "reaction", and go and say or do something?
I know this is very subjective, and looks, and reactions to looks are interpreted in very different ways depending on the person, situation, etc....but in general, would you say that when person A gives person B and apprehensive stare, then person A cannot complain later if person B has a bad reaction?
I don't understand what you are asking. Someone has stared at you in distrust, and you want to interact with them? Why?
I don't understand what you are asking. Someone has stared at you in distrust, and you want to interact with them? Why?
I mean in general. There's a lot of apprehensive people out there, "drama queen" kinda people. That people make others uncomfortable, especially in big crowds, like the subway, with their eyes focused on anything that moves around them, in a very direct way. So I wonder what would happen if you feel that somebody is looking at you in that way and you say something like "what the eff are you looking at?". That's what I mean by bad reaction.
In my case, I'v had those experiences a few of times, but I've also given apprehensive stares to random strangers who stroke me as dodgy...I guess we all do it somehow.
I remember one time...it was epic. It was late, on a hot summer night. I was with a couple of friends on the beach. We were standing near the water, doing nothing. So a group of girls walked by. I looked at one, and she looked at me. They were tourists, and her eyes were ice cold, like with a " dont try anything, I am watching you" attitude, hard like wood. So I stared back at her, very relaxed, and came up with a "he says he wants you to blow him", while pointing with my finger at my friend who was sitting next to me.
There was a deadly silence for a few seconds..now the whole group of girls were piercing me with their eyes, and all of a sudden my friend screams "YEAHHH, BLOW ME", so I started laffing and all the tension dissapeared.
I looked back at her and she was looking at me with hate...her face was contorted by hate, so I just raised my hands and said "Hey, I am just the messenger, dont blame me " in a casual manner. One of the girls screamed "Eff you...", and I just shrugged my shoulders, in a casual way.
Okay, maybe it's not such a big deal...but that scene made me think. If that girl had just ignored me and keep staring ahead, nothing would had happened. She could have just checked me out with the corner of of her eyes in case she thought I could be a dangerous guy (it was late, drunken people on the beach, they were tourists, etc).
So it's not like "she was asking for it"...but definitelly get into psychological warfare with random strangers is not a good idea.
So it's a bit of a paradox...the more attention you put on someone you consider a threat, the more likely you'll get a bad reaction from that person....so much energy wasted just to get the opposite effect.
I've noticed this pattern over and over. Another similar case are those anti-social people who make a hell of an effort to keep people away from them...and the outcome is that this attitude only gets them more noticed and they end up having more attention, which results in more problems.
I mean in general. There's a lot of apprehensive people out there, "drama queen" kinda people. That people make others uncomfortable, especially in big crowds, like the subway, with their eyes focused on anything that moves around them, in a very direct way. So I wonder what would happen if you feel that somebody is looking at you in that way and you say something like "what the eff are you looking at?". That's what I mean by bad reaction.
In my case, I'v had those experiences a few of times, but I've also given apprehensive stares to random strangers who stroke me as dodgy...I guess we all do it somehow.
I remember one time...it was epic. It was late, on a hot summer night. I was with a couple of friends on the beach. We were standing near the water, doing nothing. So a group of girls walked by. I looked at one, and she looked at me. They were tourists, and her eyes were ice cold, like with a " dont try anything, I am watching you" attitude, hard like wood. So I stared back at her, very relaxed, and came up with a "he says he wants you to blow him", while pointing with my finger at my friend who was sitting next to me.
There was a deadly silence for a few seconds..now the whole group of girls were piercing me with their eyes, and all of a sudden my friend screams "YEAHHH, BLOW ME", so I started laffing and all the tension dissapeared.
I looked back at her and she was looking at me with hate...her face was contorted by hate, so I just raised my hands and said "Hey, I am just the messenger, dont blame me " in a casual manner. One of the girls screamed "Eff you...", and I just shrugged my shoulders, in a casual way.
Okay, maybe it's not such a big deal...but that scene made me think. If that girl had just ignored me and keep staring ahead, nothing would had happened. She could have just checked me out with the corner of of her eyes in case she thought I could be a dangerous guy (it was late, drunken people on the beach, they were tourists, etc).
So it's not like "she was asking for it"...but definitelly get into psychological warfare with random strangers is not a good idea.
So it's a bit of a paradox...the more attention you put on someone you consider a threat, the more likely you'll get a bad reaction from that person....so much energy wasted just to get the opposite effect.
I've noticed this pattern over and over. Another similar case are those anti-social people who make a hell of an effort to keep people away from them...and the outcome is that this attitude only gets them more noticed and they end up having more attention, which results in more problems.
Oh, please grow up. Saying that in the context you were in was immature. Young women see a group of young men and they automatically feel vulnerable. You exploited that. Find better friends and get a better life.
Oh, please grow up. Saying that in the context you were in was immature. Young women see a group of young men and they automatically feel vulnerable. You exploited that. Find better friends and get a better life.
As I said, I was talking in general, I just put that particular example cos it was very graphic.
Was I supposed to remain silent while some random girl acts like I was Charles Manson? Not that good for one's self esteem, right?
Besides, you are missing the point here.
When a person overreacts, that person brings more (unwanted) attention towards herself. In this particular case, that girl had two options.
a) There's a guy over there...let's just relax and keep walking.
b) There's a guy over there...let's just stare at him directly in the eye in a wary way.
Had she chosen option a nothing would had happened. MAYBE I would had come up with a "hey baby, what's up....", but that's all.
Option b was kinda psychologically intrusive, it feels like "so you wanna get inside my head? Okay, I am gonna enter inside yours so you get a sample of your own medicine".
You could have done the same, or ignored her. Choosing option B will bring many more ugly interactions to your life.
Doing what you did means you have no control over your impulses.
Nah, it was a very clean cut interaction, like a scene from a movie, it unfolded very smoothly.
Imagine for a second I actually was a bad guy and had tried to harm her....do you think her reaction made things more safe for her? In fact, just the opposite, nothing more appeling to a predator than a challenge, or the scent of fear.
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Choosing option B will bring many more ugly interactions to your life.
