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I suspect that at a very basic level extroverts don''t get introverts; so they neither respect nor value us.
Again, victims much?
What I hear from posters who moan about extroverts who don't "get" introverts is that intros don't get extros!
If anyone acts snobby or arrogant, or in a team situation isn't a team player, then I think the names fit.
Introverts don't have to act like snobs, or be arrogant, or refuse to meet team goals. Of course, if they do, others won't like them. If extroverts talk too much, hog attention, or are drama queens, people won't like them either.
Being introverted or extroverted doesn't have much to do with attitude. It has to do with what you choose to do with yourself when you have a choice, or how you communicate, or other characteristics which do not have to do with your feelings of superiority or alienation. Those are not characteristics of introverts, necessarily.
What I want to know is, where is all of this stuff coming from? When did extroverts become the enemy? When did introverts become a persecuted minority?
I skimmed through some of the responses, but decided just to give my perspective.
Many years ago I came to my senses about who I truly am, an anti-social overthinking introvert. I accept it as me. I stopped giving myself self-inflicted wounds with misdirected animosity. I didn't blame anyone, and I really could care less what others think.
Been married for 34 yrs (35 in Aug), 2 kids and 2 grandkids. I wouldn't change a thing. But I've struggled with people my entire life. I get overwhelmed in crowds. I get tired from family & social get togethers. I've had plenty of fun, and that's the balance I chose with being introverted amongst other things. I enjoy my personal alone time. I don't feel trapped like other people may think. I'm accountable for who I am (I'm me), and I work with my introversion instead of fighting it.
What I want to know is, where is all of this stuff coming from? When did extroverts become the enemy? When did introverts become a persecuted minority?
It's piggybacking on the Geek Chic trend, which stereotyped many of the successful tech leaders as introverts, and fortified when that book Quiet came out. Then it became cool to characterize introverts as deep and mysterious while extroverts are brushed off as shallow and thoughtless.
Of course there is much more to it than that ^^^ and MANY people don't REALLY understand it. It's not just needing time to yourself. We ALL need that.
What I hear from posters who moan about extroverts who don't "get" introverts is that intros don't get extros!
Well that's just committing the same error in the opposite direction. The appropriate response is to listen.
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
If anyone acts snobby or arrogant, or in a team situation isn't a team player, then I think the names fit.
Introverts don't have to act like snobs, or be arrogant, or refuse to meet team goals. Of course, if they do, others won't like them. If extroverts talk too much, hog attention, or are drama queens, people won't like them either.
Basically correct, although I regard both "sides" as too willing to assume / read in to behaviors the things you are calling out here. Extroverts talk more, not necessarily "too much". Too much according to whom?? Introverts are not necessarily arrogant or snobbish or standoff-ish if they simply want their space.
That said, yes, if the shoe truly fits, it should be worn regardless of temperament / personality.
Quote:
Originally Posted by silibran
What I want to know is, where is all of this stuff coming from? When did extroverts become the enemy? When did introverts become a persecuted minority?
Society caters to extroverts because they ARE the majority. As with all privileged majorities, that is both unintentional, and intentional, both appropriate and inappropriate.
As an introvert I have never felt persecuted. I have felt a little misunderstood, and a lot of that little bit of misunderstanding comes from extroverts jumping and leaping to conclusions about my introversion. Extroverts can take that on board and consider it as a way to improve their conduct, or not ... it's up to them.
Well that's just committing the same error in the opposite direction. The appropriate response is to listen.
Basically correct, although I regard both "sides" as too willing to assume / read in to behaviors the things you are calling out here. Extroverts talk more, not necessarily "too much". Too much according to whom?? Introverts are not necessarily arrogant or snobbish or standoff-ish if they simply want their space.
That said, yes, if the shoe truly fits, it should be worn regardless of temperament / personality.
Society caters to extroverts because they ARE the majority. As with all privileged majorities, that is both unintentional, and intentional, both appropriate and inappropriate.
As an introvert I have never felt persecuted. I have felt a little misunderstood, and a lot of that little bit of misunderstanding comes from extroverts jumping and leaping to conclusions about my introversion. Extroverts can take that on board and consider it as a way to improve their conduct, or not ... it's up to them.
OK, yes. Extros can be just as trying (to other extros too!) as intros can, and vice versa.
I simply do not believe that our society caters to extroverts. This has not been my experience at all. I think whether you are extro or intro probably does not have a defining influence over your life. It is simply something that drives you to do or not do some things that have to do with your comfort zone.
I do think that extremely shy people have social difficulties. But shyness does not equate to introversion. (I suppose there are some shy extros out there? One of my grands seems to have this personality mix.)
I do not believe that introverts are exotic, or special because they are introverts. I have functional family members who are introverts, and they have done well in their lives. I can't remember any of these people moaning about being misunderstood because they are introverts. They have done as well as the extroverts in my family.
It might be that an extroverted mom and dad would have trouble understanding an introverted child, but surely that would cut both ways? Two introverted parents would have trouble understanding an extroverted child.
It still seems to me that introverts are just as likely to misunderstand extroverts as vice versa. And the bitter posts about extroverts supports that.
We are all people here--with foibles, faults, eccentricities and human nature.
Yes, introverts have personalities, but they express it differently. They tend to express themselves better in writing than in speech. They prefer small groups of people or being alone, rather than large crowds or speaking to dozens of acquaintances in 1 day.
Extroverts definitely have it easier in life. The way the modern world is designed is better suited to extroverts. Not sure how one could argue that extroverts don't naturally have a leg up when it comes to careers, social life, networking, etc. An introvert gets exhausted by social situations and prefers to be alone or with less than 3 people they know very well. The majority of careers involve working and consulting with a variety of people.. So obviously an extrovert would do better and be happier than an introvert, in that situation. Life, in general, involves lots of people, unless you move to a remote, isolated area. In general, the modern world is exhausting to the introvert. I'm very introverted and I barely even can handle having one social media account.
Yes, introverts have personalities, but they express it differently. They tend to express themselves better in writing than in speech. They prefer small groups of people or being alone, rather than large crowds or speaking to dozens of acquaintances in 1 day.
Extroverts definitely have it easier in life. The way the modern world is designed is better suited to extroverts. Not sure how one could argue that extroverts don't naturally have a leg up when it comes to careers, social life, networking, etc. An introvert gets exhausted by social situations and prefers to be alone or with less than 3 people they know very well. The majority of careers involve working and consulting with a variety of people.. So obviously an extrovert would do better and be happier than an introvert, in that situation. Life, in general, involves lots of people, unless you move to a remote, isolated area. In general, the modern world is exhausting to the introvert. I'm very introverted and I barely even can handle having one social media account.
I've been termed an over-thinker by family and friends. It's true, so maybe it comes with the introversion territory in my case. I prefer being alone, then small groups (like 1 other). Dealing with people all day is exhausting, period.
I don't agree with easier, as I believe extroverts have their own issues. An introvert shies away and is sometimes seen as loner or dark shadow, and for some that can be a real mental strain. Not for me though, as I don't care what people think of me (per se). An extrovert dives in sometimes too deep, and that can be a problem. Simply put neither has it easier than the other, at least from this introverts perspective.
I'm a CPA who consults with people. I guess that fits the introverts profile.
I've been married 35 years this August. Kids 33 & 31, grand kids 6 & 3. It's been awesome. It's been utterly draining. I did the best I could. Now that I'm on the downhill side of life (56 y.o.), although for me not sure what that means. I'm currently training for my first half marathon in less than 2 weeks. Hoping for a 1:45:00. Running is great for my introversion. When training, put the music on and train alone. I've run with my daughter a few times and that was nice (she lives 3+ hours away so doesn't happen often). But I prefer no running partner. Race day is fine because in that moment of being with other people ready to race, it's a different crowd. The introversion subsides and I let the athletic camaraderie take hold. It's nice for a tiny break, but also glad when it's over.
There is no reason to value someone who is not making of himself the greatest possible value to the unit versus someone who is.
The idea that "social skills = extrovert" are in error. Anyone can develop basic social skills. I'm introverted enough that I've had supervisors tell me, "You make your peers uneasy because they don't know what you're thinking about things."
OTOH--at the same time--my subordinates respect me and like me because I do know how to delegate, how to give them the information they need and then stay out of their way.
One of my mentors taught me long ago "It's better to fix the problem than to fix the blame" and matters with subordinates are better handled with carefully chosen words at carefully chosen times than by an inner compulsion to say something all the time. The ability to hold your tongue is a virtue.
But that doesn't mean being an introvert is an excuse for being an uncooperative jerk.
That's the problem I see the most between introverts & extroverts. If a person doesn't express their opinions on subjects, people have the tendency to make guesses of what their opinions might be and can jump to wrong conclusions.
Of course, I'm referring to the extreme introvert type who are either shy or not interested in socializing.
Yes, it's "wrong" when people do that, but it seems like a natural response. I don't like to misjudge introverts and realize I could draw a wrong opinion of individuals, but I still have the tendency to make guesses about people who don't express themselves enough. I get the same result from people who think sexual orientations are important, because I don't like to tell people I know offline that I'm asexual/non-sexual. My lack of talking about my private life combined with my effeminate appearance causes a lot of people to think I'm gay. However, when I mention to friends about my ex girlfriends and experiences I had with strange women back in my substance abuse days, they tend to think I'm straight or bi. As long as they don't judge me for their thoughts, I don't get angry over it because I understand the combination of my silence combined with their curiosity led them to guesswork.
I'm not shy.. .far from it... but I am an introvert. I can be quiet.. I cherish my solitude and don't F* with my "me" time... but I can dominate a conversation if you let me.
My wife is a painfully shy.. but she is an extrovert. Once in her comfort zone... she's a social butterfly.
I've been called many things; man-sl#t, conflicted, confident, dependable, loyal to the end... but no personality.. nah.
People have no idea...
I don't quite get the intent of this discussion..... is there a question?
Definitely the bolded for me. I can be quiet, I love my ME time, and I can dominate a conversation if it's something I'm interested in. I've never been a fan of small talk though, and I really don't say anything unless I'm engaged. I definitely have a "bright" personality if I'm around people I'm comfortable with.
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Dealing with people all day is exhausting, period.
